DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter works in a shopping mall that recently had a shooting. We were so lucky that she was not at work on that day, but now my husband and I are wondering if we should even allow her to work at the mall anymore. We know we cannot protect her from everything, but this was a close call. It's one thing to see these things on the news and another altogether to have your own child working at a place where innocent people were shot. She is our baby, even though she's already 20. How can we balance our desire to protect her and the reality that she has to learn to take care of herself? -- Overprotective, Baltimore

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE: You would not be aware parents if the tragedy at your daughter's work site didn't rattle you. Everyone in the mall or affiliated with it should be a bit skittish right now.

That said, I don't think you should take her out of the mall either. Instead, start by requesting a meeting with the mall management or security to find out what additional precautions have been put in place to attempt to avoid such a catastrophe in the future. Make sure your daughter has learned what the safety procedures are in case of emergency at her job and in the mall in general.

Remind your daughter to keep her eyes open at all times and to be aware of anyone who may seem unstable. This should be part of the training for anyone in a service role in a public setting these days. If it is not, request that it be offered.

In the end, though, you already know that the world does have some people in it who do bad things. Unfortunately, innocent people sometimes get caught in the crosshairs. You do not have the ability to protect your child from everything, but you can teach her to be cautious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has been seemingly depressed for several years now. She lost her job about five years ago, and then her husband passed away two years later. Mostly she stays to herself. I talk to her on the phone, but I hardly ever see her. When I ask her to go out with me, she always comes up with an excuse. I am so worried about her, but I don't know what to do. She is such a lovely person. I want her to be happy. How can I help her? -- Missing My Friend, Detroit

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Call your friend and check in to see how she is doing. Tell her that you are concerned about her and that you really want her to be happy. Ask her if she feels happy. Ask her what she does when she is feeling sad. Listen carefully to see if you can get a clue as to how she is really doing. Tell her you love her and want to do whatever you can to support her. Keep asking her to meet you -- for lunch, for a walk, for a hug.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was cleaning up my house the other day and came across a bunch of old photos. I had such a nice time traveling down memory lane. At a certain point I found photos of a friend and her partner during a celebration, and I immediately thought that I should send them to her. Her partner died several years ago, and I know she still misses him terribly. The question I have about this is whether it will upset her to see the pictures and be reminded of those days gone by. The last thing I want to do is make her sad. When I saw the pictures, I smiled. Do you think it is worth it to send her the photos or should I leave the past in the past? -- Stirring up Memories, Baltimore

DEAR STIRRING UP MEMORIES: You can never know for certain how a person will react to images of people they love who have passed. It is likely that your friend will receive the photographs in the way that you intend them to be received. You say that the pictures are from a joyful time, which means they look happy. Chances are they will bring joy to your friend, even if they also trigger a few tears at the same time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriends at work are absolutely addicted to reality TV. They seem to watch everything with gusto. The day after their different shows come on, they spend quite a bit of time discussing all of the crazy twists and turns. While I don't begrudge them their TV fantasies, I am totally not interested. I do not watch the shows nor do I want to talk about them. How can I remain friendly with them and keep my own peace of mind? Right now they think I'm being a snob because I won't chime in on their conversations. -- Anti-Reality TV, Salt Lake City

DEAR ANTI-REALITY TV: Back in the day, many people were addicted to daytime soap operas. These nighttime reality shows remind me of those series that often lasted for decades. Yes, plenty of people can't tear their eyes away from them. And that is their business. You do not need to feel like you must be one of them, though.

At the same time, you do not need to disparage those who enjoy this type of programming. You need a middle ground. Why not decide that you will be friendly and supportive of these women when they come in ready to do their debrief, but then excuse yourself after a few minutes and do your work.

If you allow any judgment that you feel about their TV viewing to go away, it will be easier for you to accept them for who they are and what they do without having any reaction at all. Consider it just like when sports lovers get excited about their teams, especially towards the end of the season. You can observe from a distance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend invited me to go on vacation with her and her family this summer -- free of charge. She knows that my funds are limited and that I could never pay for this trip myself. I think it's really nice that she would make such a generous invitation, but I feel weird about it. I will hardly have money even for incidentals during the trip. It feels weird to be a freeloader, even if it is my friend. Her parents are cool about it. I know they have taken friends on trips with them before, like when we were in college, but we've been out of school for two years now. They are not showy people, so I don't think they will try to make me feel bad. They love me. We have been friends for 10 years. What do you think I should do? -- Broke Guest, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR BROKE GUEST: Given the way that you describe your friend and her parents, it seems that they genuinely want to include you in their family vacation. Indeed, it sounds like they are including you as a family member. In order for you to say yes, though, you have to make peace with the idea.

Speak to your friend and thank her for the invitation. Be clear about how happy you are that they are being so generous. Admit to her that you will likely not have much spending money because your finances are very tight right now. You need to be direct about your financial situation so that you don't run into hiccups along the way.

Go if you believe you can accept their generosity and have a great time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son's baby sitter has been working with us for a few months now. I have noticed that she asks me just about every week if she can have something that she thinks I am interested in discarding or that I have more than one of in my house. At first I didn't think anything of it. We are blessed with an abundance of things, but after a while I realized that it feels like a shakedown in a way. It's one thing if I choose to give her things, but that isn't the case. At least she is asking. I wonder if I stop saying "yes" if she will start taking things. I have a bad feeling. I don't want to be judgmental, but this is the person who is taking care of my child and who has keys to my home. What should I do? -- Doubting the Sitter, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR DOUBTING THE SITTER: It could be that you need to set ground rules that include letting your sitter know that you feel uncomfortable about her asking for you to give her things all the time. Tell her that you think that is inappropriate. Remind her of whatever your house rules are and the guidelines for caring for your son.

If, however, your gut says she needs to go, actively look for a replacement and remove her from your home and your life as soon as possible.