DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend invited me to go on vacation with her and her family this summer -- free of charge. She knows that my funds are limited and that I could never pay for this trip myself. I think it's really nice that she would make such a generous invitation, but I feel weird about it. I will hardly have money even for incidentals during the trip. It feels weird to be a freeloader, even if it is my friend. Her parents are cool about it. I know they have taken friends on trips with them before, like when we were in college, but we've been out of school for two years now. They are not showy people, so I don't think they will try to make me feel bad. They love me. We have been friends for 10 years. What do you think I should do? -- Broke Guest, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR BROKE GUEST: Given the way that you describe your friend and her parents, it seems that they genuinely want to include you in their family vacation. Indeed, it sounds like they are including you as a family member. In order for you to say yes, though, you have to make peace with the idea.

Speak to your friend and thank her for the invitation. Be clear about how happy you are that they are being so generous. Admit to her that you will likely not have much spending money because your finances are very tight right now. You need to be direct about your financial situation so that you don't run into hiccups along the way.

Go if you believe you can accept their generosity and have a great time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son's baby sitter has been working with us for a few months now. I have noticed that she asks me just about every week if she can have something that she thinks I am interested in discarding or that I have more than one of in my house. At first I didn't think anything of it. We are blessed with an abundance of things, but after a while I realized that it feels like a shakedown in a way. It's one thing if I choose to give her things, but that isn't the case. At least she is asking. I wonder if I stop saying "yes" if she will start taking things. I have a bad feeling. I don't want to be judgmental, but this is the person who is taking care of my child and who has keys to my home. What should I do? -- Doubting the Sitter, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR DOUBTING THE SITTER: It could be that you need to set ground rules that include letting your sitter know that you feel uncomfortable about her asking for you to give her things all the time. Tell her that you think that is inappropriate. Remind her of whatever your house rules are and the guidelines for caring for your son.

If, however, your gut says she needs to go, actively look for a replacement and remove her from your home and your life as soon as possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two children who are in junior high school, and my wife thinks I am too hard on them when it comes to their school grades. As their father, I expect nothing less than an A-minus on their report cards. My children participate in multiple activities. For example, I have them taking piano lessons, my daughter takes dance and my son is learning how to play basketball. I want our children to have the best opportunity to go to the colleges of their dreams and live the best life possible. Our neighbors think we are pushing our children too hard. I really do not care what they think because I have to be responsible for my family. Do you think I should take it easy with my children, or should I continue to propel them into greatness? -- A Man With a Plan, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR A MAN WITH A PLAN: Talk to your children to learn how well they are balancing their responsibilities. Listen to them to determine if they are happy or stressed out. It is good to have strong academic performance, athletic ability and extracurricular activities. It is smart for parents to encourage their children to succeed. But it is not wise to pressure them so hard that they feel overwhelmed. Work with your wife to ensure balance as they strive.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved my family from Memphis for a job opportunity in New York City. My children went to school in Memphis until eighth grade. Now my children are going to a high school in NYC. They hate going to school because other kids make fun of their southern accents. I wish I could be with my children while they are in school to protect them. Do you have any advice on how I can make my children's transition easier in their new high school? -- Talk to Me, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR TALK TO ME: Children can be cruel, especially to whoever is new in class or different in any way. You can do a few things to support them -- that don't include shadowing them in class! Remind your children of the uniqueness of Memphis, and point out things that they love about their former town. As they get to know students in the school, encourage them to share some of their fun experiences, which will help their way of life be more tangible to their classmates. This storytelling should be focused on interactions with children who are kind.

As far as the bullies go, if those doing the taunting take their name-calling to the extreme, have your children ask for help from teachers. Bullying should not be allowed in school -- period. Curiosity about someone's accent is one thing; deriding children because of how they speak is another. Teachers should monitor this behavior. If your children are uncomfortable speaking up, you may want to have a meeting with their teachers to address this concern.

Finally, teach your children to be lighthearted. They can laugh at themselves sometimes due to their differences from the other students. But that should include helping them to realize that a New York accent is different, too -- to them. They can point that out to their critics. After all, the world is bigger than either of those two cities.

Over time, their accents may soften if they want that to happen. Many people from other regions or parts of the world move to a town and begin to speak like the natives. That will be fine if that is their choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter applied to 11 colleges, and she was accepted to all of them. The colleges are mostly on the East Coast, and we are trying to figure out which college will be the best suited for our child. It is such a blessing to know that my husband and I do not have to take out any additional loans, but we are concerned because we want to make the best decision regarding our daughter's education. How do we decide where she should go? -- Going to College, Atlanta

DEAR GOING TO COLLEGE: Congratulations on so many acceptances. You should be very proud that your daughter is so appealing to these schools. I will also caution you that unless each acceptance came with an official scholarship offer, you cannot assume that you will not have to pay for her education. Acceptance and admission represent the first steps in this process. Next is paying for it.

Read the paperwork carefully, and identify which schools are offering financial support. If you need the support, weed out any schools that are not offering your daughter money. Next, review the curriculum of each school with your daughter to identify which ones have courses in her areas of interest. To the best of your ability, help your daughter select a school that will educate her based on what she thinks she wants to study. This will help ensure that she has a successful college experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can you feel comfortable when most of the people around you are speaking a different language? I went to an event with a friend who is French, and most of her friends who were at this party were also French speakers. At first my friend was very attentive. She introduced me to everybody as we walked around. It was very pleasant. But then she got caught up in conversation in French, and I was left standing there looking stupid. I walked around and tried to make small talk with other people who she had introduced to me, but that didn't last long. After a while, I just found a seat and watched the party. I didn't have a horrible time, but I was really uncomfortable because I could not speak the language. It was more than an hour before my friend even noticed that I was sitting by myself. She came over for a minute, but then went off again. Should I have done something different? Should I say anything to her? -- Francophobe, Greenwich, Conn.

DEAR FRANCOPHOBE: I doubt that your friend and the others intended to exile you by speaking French all night long. More than likely, they forgot that you were not a French speaker. What you could have done would be to interject your voice from time to time in conversation and ask your friend to translate what the others were saying. You also could have pulled your friend aside to ask her if she would stay with you for the purpose of translating so that you could be included.

Yes, you should tell her that you felt uncomfortable and ask her to be your translator next time.