life

Stay-at-Home Parent Needs a Little Help

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 7th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am fortunate enough to work from home, and I am able to be with my 2-year-old son. I love having my son with me throughout the day, but as of late, he has become a little tornado, destroying everything in sight, and it has become a distraction. I am not able to get any work done. I think I may need to hire a part-time nanny because I need to get my work done. What do you think is a feasible rate to pay a nanny for a part-time baby-sitting job? -- Having Second Thoughts, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS: Two-year-olds are extremely active and do need constant attention. I caution you to stop thinking of your son in negative terms, like "a little tornado," because that superimposes negative thoughts on him. Instead, continue your line of thinking as to how you can support him and yourself at the same time.

You have a few options. Check out pricing for day care facilities in your area, everything from a traditional organization to a church-run facility to a mom-and-pop in your neighborhood. Sometimes neighbors -- with credentials -- baby-sit for small groups of children, and that may be the most affordable option. You can also investigate nannies, or someone who can come to your home and be with your child as well as take the child out to the park, etc. The fees vary widely, but generally the group drop-off business is more affordable than one-on-one. I read a report from your area that suggests that in-home child care would cost approximately $150 per week. See childcaresolutionscny.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/the-high-cost-of-child-care-what-does-child-care-cost-in-cny/ for more details. In general, hourly sitters cost $10-$20 per hour.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 07, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 7th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 5 feet 10 inches tall. He is only 12 years old, and he wears a size 13 shoe. It takes a lot of money to clothe him. Because he is wearing adult-size shoes, I have to pay full price, ranging from $95 to $150, for a decent pair shoes or sneakers. In addition, I have to keep in mind that he is a pre-teen and his body is going through many changes. My wife says my son will not stop growing for a while. I need some advice on how I can teach him take care of his expensive clothing at an early age. -- Growing Leaps and Bounds, Baltimore

DEAR GROWING LEAPS AND BOUNDS: Less has to be more in your situation -- and should be for all growing children. Your son may be limited to one pair of sneakers and one pair of dress shoes because that is practical. Also, you and your wife should look for deals on these shoes. You do not have to spend that much to get a good pair of shoes. Many stores offer discounts. And you have to resist buying the premium brands. Even though children love them, his feet are growing too fast to spend $150 on such shoes.

Show your son how to clean and store his shoes, and remind him to put his clothing in the hamper for cleaning. Identify "play clothes" that you don't mind getting soiled or damaged.

life

Harlem Explosion Spurs Reader to Action

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 5th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: There was a horrible explosion in my neighborhood recently, and many people got displaced. I feel so bad for them, even though I didn't know any of them. I want to help in some way, but I have limited funds. What can I do to help people who have lost everything? -- Wanting to Help, Harlem, N.Y.

DEAR WANTING TO HELP: For those who don't know, the tragedy in question was an explosion that destroyed two apartment buildings, killed eight people and injured many more. Investigations are continuing as we go to press. This is truly a sad story for many people.

The good news is that contributions small and large are extremely helpful for those who lost loved ones, were injured or lost their homes. Several crowdsourcing sites have set up means to donate in any amount you might like. One site that has waived its fees is eastharlemexplosionfund.mydagsite.com. There are also Harlem-based businesses and churches that are collecting goods. You may want to donate clothing, canned food or even furniture to people who have lost everything. Go through your personal inventory to see what you can spare. Your items might be as good as dollars. One article that points to several ways to give is huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/18/harlem-explosion-help_n_4981153.html.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 05, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 5th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like every time I go out these days and I'm talking to people, they stop mid-conversation to send a social media message out to who knows where. It is so annoying. I also feel a little paranoid that anything I might say or do will be instantly broadcast somewhere, and I just don't like it. Whatever happened to hanging out with friends and just having a good time without telling the whole world about the experience? Just the other day, this social media nonsense ended up hurting a friend's feelings because she wasn't invited to a small gathering of mutual friends. It wasn't for any particular reason, just that a few of us got together. She saw pictures of us all having fun and told one of our friends how she felt left out. Obviously, you don't have to invite everyone to everything, but social media can make it impossible to protect people's privacy. How can I get my friends to understand that? -- Feeling Exposed, Princeton, N.J.

DEAR FEELING EXPOSED: Use the example of your friend's hurt feelings when you approach your friend group. Ask them to be more sensitive about others when they post messages and photos. You can specifically ask them not to post photos of you. This may not always work, but it is worth the request.

You should be mindful of what you say to others in general. Your words can be sourced anywhere. A person can quote you in the moment and post it to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other locations. The Orwellian notion that Big Brother is watching you lives today. You would be wise to remember that.

life

Donation Bins Should Be Researched

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 4th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that many bins have been set up in my city where you can drop off old clothes or accessories. They are from all different companies. I think it's a fantastic idea; it's easier to walk across the street and dump my old stuff than to go across town to the Salvation Army or Goodwill, even though that's what I usually do. Just as I was about to drop off my first package, my friend told me that he saw a report that said some of these bins are scams. He said that some of them are set up by stores that actually gather the items and resell them for high prices. That made me so mad, but I'm not sure if my friend is right. He is no expert. How can I figure it out? -- Wanting to Unload, New York City

DEAR WANTING TO UNLOAD: The best way to verify the type of organization that is collecting items is to research the company before donating your belongings. Typically, those bins will advertise the name of the company that is sponsoring it, and there should be a website and telephone number so that you can reach them.

Do your due diligence so that you can make an informed decision about where to offer your items. Know that the Salvation Army and Goodwill offer tax write-off forms that can be as beneficial to you as your belongings are to them.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 04, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 4th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently asked to be a member of my tenants' association board. I thought that was really a nice honor until I realized how much work it is. I joined as the secretary, so I have to keep records of every meeting and present them at the next. It is fun in a way, but it is wearing me out. I do see the benefits of being in the know, though. I now understand a whole lot about my building and the laws and everything. Should I tell them I want to do this for only one year? My work is pretty intense, and I'm always afraid that I am not going to get the minutes completed in time. It's pretty stressful as an almost-second (unpaid) job. -- Unsure, Chicago

DEAR UNSURE: Don't make a decision yet. You said that this is a recent appointment. Give yourself time to get accustomed to the rhythm of the role. Yes, it takes a lot to do a good job on a board as its secretary. But it is likely that you were selected because the other board members believe in your ability and commitment to get the job done.

Stretch your limits for now. See how well you are able to fulfill your duties. You may discover in a year's time that this added role is valuable to your life. If not, you can let them know before election time that you do not want to be in an official role moving forward. Give it time.

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