DEAR HARRIETTE: I have double-booked myself for two really important events, and now I am in a terrible position. I promised to participate in a friend's retirement dinner. I am so happy for her, and now I feel terrible. She wants me to speak at the event, but I have to work. My boss asked me to take on a new project, and I agreed without realizing the time conflict. When I mentioned the conflict to him, he said too bad. The only possibility is for my part to be early in the evening at my friend's retirement party and then rush over to work. But I doubt she wants to change her plans. How can I broach this with her? -- Torn, Detroit

DEAR TORN: Consider it a blessing that there is even a chance that you can attend and possibly participate in a tiny part of your friend's event. Reach out to her and tell her your predicament. Apologize for the mix-up. Be clear that this is your job and that you have to be there. Suggest that you can come for a few minutes and possibly do whatever formal presentation your friend has requested, but that you cannot stay.

Being honest is what's most important. If that means, by the way, that it actually is too much for you to do a drive-by at your friend's party, tell her that. You have to be responsible for yourself first. She is retiring from a full life of working. If anyone should understand, she should be the one.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a huge argument with my boyfriend on the street the other night. We were coming home from a party and we had both had a few drinks. He got mad at me about something that I said to him, and the next thing you know, he was screaming and cursing at me at the top of his lungs. I have noticed that he gets loud and somewhat out of control when he has been drinking. This is scary to me, and I don't like it at all. Do you think it should be a deal breaker? We've been talking about building a life together, but I swear I never imagined that someone who is supposed to be "my man" would be yelling and cursing at me in the middle of the street. -- Deal Breaker, Chicago

DEAR DEAL BREAKER: Talk to your guy when he is sober and be frank about what you have observed and that it concerns you. Tell him that you think his extreme behavior occurs when he's drinking. Ask him if he would be willing to stop drinking and get help. If he agrees, work with him to see if he can get sober and if sobriety changes his behavior.

Be clear with him, though, that you are unwilling to commit your life to him if he continues to speak to you in an abusive manner. You deserve better than that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two young children who are 7 and 9 years old, and they are starting to develop their musical likes and dislikes. I overheard my 7-year-old recite some racy lyrics, and I immediately turned the music off. The lyrics were disgusting, and I was shocked that they would play that kind of music on the radio. I understand that music will be a part of my children's lives and I will not be able to be with them at all times. How can I mange my children's radio selections when I am not around them? -- We Love Music, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR WE LOVE MUSIC: What you must do is talk to your children about music (and everything else) that comes in their purview. Point out what you find offensive in songs. Make sure they know what you consider to be racy lyrics and why you do not approve. Tell them that when they hear things that your family considers offensive, they should turn it off or walk away if they are not in control of the device playing the music.

Your job is to educate them about your values so that whatever they experience, they can consider through that lens. Make it clear that there are many words, ideas and behaviors that others do that you do not condone in your home. Teach them that they should resist picking up any of those behaviors regardless of whether you are there.

Your best defense is education. To educate them means you must teach them the meaning of the bad words and deeds as well as the good ones so that they can understand the difference.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife asked me to talk to our son because he is nearing puberty. I do not know what to say to him because I expected my wife to handle that discussion. What should I do? -- The Father and Son Talk, Chicago

DEAR THE FATHER AND SON TALK: Please do not believe that you should be off the hook because your wife is responsible for the children. Both parents are responsible for teaching their children how to live. It is especially important for a father to talk to his son about the changes in his body and about what he's thinking and feeling as he grows up.

You can start by asking him questions. Find out what he's been thinking about his growing body. Ask him if his school has introduced any educational elements about human growth and development. This usually starts around age 8 or 9. If so, introduce the topic from that vantage. Ask what he is learning. Be gentle with him. The conversation will likely be as awkward for him as it is for you.

Tell him some of your memories from when you were his age, about your body, about when you became interested in girls, about dating. You just need to talk to him. By doing so, you will learn what he's thinking, and you can guide him to actions that will be respectful, healthy and age-appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 13-year-old daughter who now has an interest in boys. I would prefer it if she stay focused on her schoolwork, but she is insisting on wanting to date at this young age. What can I do to keep my daughter focused on her schoolwork and not the boys? -- Growing Up is Hard to Do, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO: Hormonally, it makes sense that your daughter is interested in boys now. She is in puberty, which is the period when boys and girls start to change, and they naturally become more aware of themselves as sexual beings.

As her parent, you obviously want to monitor her activities and guide her as to what is appropriate behavior and what is not for her age (something I trust you or someone began long before now). To refuse to let her date may backfire on you.

You don't want her sneaking out to see boys. Instead, why not recommend that she participate in co-ed group activities, like going to the movies or to the mall. You can also suggest that she invite her friends to your home. If she doesn't have a co-ed friend group, have her invite her male friend to your home. In this way, you can meet whomever she finds interesting and monitor what they do. Ultimately, though, you must teach your daughter that as she develops a social life, she also must complete her schoolwork. Schoolwork must come first. For more support, go to: kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/adolescence.html

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just celebrated my birthday, and I feel depressed. I look back at my life, and I haven't gotten anywhere close to where I had hoped to be. I have an OK career, but I wanted to be a Broadway dancer, and I was really good back in the day. I have never gotten married even though I put myself out there and tried to find Mr. Right -- or even Mr. Anybody at one point. I am lonely and sad. At 50, I would have expected a lot more from myself. How can I look at the rest of my life with more hope? Right now I'm fresh out. -- Hopeless, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR HOPELESS: It may sound cliche, but every day that you wake up is a new opportunity to bring joy to your life. Most people look at their lives and find things that didn't go quite right. Rather than concentrating on the negatives, write out a list of positives. What have you done that makes you happy? Where do you find your joy? Focus your energy on the good experiences, healthy relationships and little great things that fill up your day.

My mother taught me to make a gratitude list whenever I'm feeling down -- literally write down everything for which I am grateful when I am sad or angry. I write down everything from my daughter to that I remembered to exercise and drink water. The little things really do count and can help lead you out of a slump. I also discovered a free program through AARP called Life Reimagined that has great ideas for people ages 50 and up. Check it out at lifereimagined.org.