DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two young children who are 7 and 9 years old, and they are starting to develop their musical likes and dislikes. I overheard my 7-year-old recite some racy lyrics, and I immediately turned the music off. The lyrics were disgusting, and I was shocked that they would play that kind of music on the radio. I understand that music will be a part of my children's lives and I will not be able to be with them at all times. How can I mange my children's radio selections when I am not around them? -- We Love Music, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR WE LOVE MUSIC: What you must do is talk to your children about music (and everything else) that comes in their purview. Point out what you find offensive in songs. Make sure they know what you consider to be racy lyrics and why you do not approve. Tell them that when they hear things that your family considers offensive, they should turn it off or walk away if they are not in control of the device playing the music.

Your job is to educate them about your values so that whatever they experience, they can consider through that lens. Make it clear that there are many words, ideas and behaviors that others do that you do not condone in your home. Teach them that they should resist picking up any of those behaviors regardless of whether you are there.

Your best defense is education. To educate them means you must teach them the meaning of the bad words and deeds as well as the good ones so that they can understand the difference.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife asked me to talk to our son because he is nearing puberty. I do not know what to say to him because I expected my wife to handle that discussion. What should I do? -- The Father and Son Talk, Chicago

DEAR THE FATHER AND SON TALK: Please do not believe that you should be off the hook because your wife is responsible for the children. Both parents are responsible for teaching their children how to live. It is especially important for a father to talk to his son about the changes in his body and about what he's thinking and feeling as he grows up.

You can start by asking him questions. Find out what he's been thinking about his growing body. Ask him if his school has introduced any educational elements about human growth and development. This usually starts around age 8 or 9. If so, introduce the topic from that vantage. Ask what he is learning. Be gentle with him. The conversation will likely be as awkward for him as it is for you.

Tell him some of your memories from when you were his age, about your body, about when you became interested in girls, about dating. You just need to talk to him. By doing so, you will learn what he's thinking, and you can guide him to actions that will be respectful, healthy and age-appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 13-year-old daughter who now has an interest in boys. I would prefer it if she stay focused on her schoolwork, but she is insisting on wanting to date at this young age. What can I do to keep my daughter focused on her schoolwork and not the boys? -- Growing Up is Hard to Do, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO: Hormonally, it makes sense that your daughter is interested in boys now. She is in puberty, which is the period when boys and girls start to change, and they naturally become more aware of themselves as sexual beings.

As her parent, you obviously want to monitor her activities and guide her as to what is appropriate behavior and what is not for her age (something I trust you or someone began long before now). To refuse to let her date may backfire on you.

You don't want her sneaking out to see boys. Instead, why not recommend that she participate in co-ed group activities, like going to the movies or to the mall. You can also suggest that she invite her friends to your home. If she doesn't have a co-ed friend group, have her invite her male friend to your home. In this way, you can meet whomever she finds interesting and monitor what they do. Ultimately, though, you must teach your daughter that as she develops a social life, she also must complete her schoolwork. Schoolwork must come first. For more support, go to: kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/adolescence.html

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just celebrated my birthday, and I feel depressed. I look back at my life, and I haven't gotten anywhere close to where I had hoped to be. I have an OK career, but I wanted to be a Broadway dancer, and I was really good back in the day. I have never gotten married even though I put myself out there and tried to find Mr. Right -- or even Mr. Anybody at one point. I am lonely and sad. At 50, I would have expected a lot more from myself. How can I look at the rest of my life with more hope? Right now I'm fresh out. -- Hopeless, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR HOPELESS: It may sound cliche, but every day that you wake up is a new opportunity to bring joy to your life. Most people look at their lives and find things that didn't go quite right. Rather than concentrating on the negatives, write out a list of positives. What have you done that makes you happy? Where do you find your joy? Focus your energy on the good experiences, healthy relationships and little great things that fill up your day.

My mother taught me to make a gratitude list whenever I'm feeling down -- literally write down everything for which I am grateful when I am sad or angry. I write down everything from my daughter to that I remembered to exercise and drink water. The little things really do count and can help lead you out of a slump. I also discovered a free program through AARP called Life Reimagined that has great ideas for people ages 50 and up. Check it out at lifereimagined.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read "Don't Know What to Do" from West Orange, N.J., who is a single mother of three and whose daughter just had a baby. She was overwhelmed with four children to take care of, and she is concerned about the spirits of her two younger daughters.

Nowhere do you tell the woman that raising the new baby is not her responsibility. She should not have four children to raise. The baby is not hers, and her daughter should take most of the responsibility for this baby. After all, she is the one who made the choice to get pregnant by having sex. What if she has another baby? Is the grandmother going to raise it, too? There are far too many grandparents raising their grandchildren, while the parents shoulder little or no responsibility.

It is OK for the woman to assist and support her daughter, but the major responsibility in raising and caring for this child should go to its mother. -- Keeping it Real, Charlotte, N.C.

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: You are right that the mother of a child, not the grandmother, should be responsible for her child. Whether it is right or not, what does typically happen when teenagers have children is that the grandmother needs to step in to ensure that the baby is cared for properly.

This is always a prickly situation. While there certainly are stories of teens who successfully learn to parent their children and build satisfying lives, it is more common to hear of struggles and challenges that directly impact the child's life in a negative way. This is why adoption is an important option for anyone who does not have the ability to care for an infant effectively.

I would venture to say that in order for a grandmother of a teen mother's child to be able to step back and NOT parent that grandchild, she will have to work closely with her child to set guidelines for what her daughter must do to care for her child, which includes presenting options that range from rules about around-the-clock care to the possibility of adoption if she cannot handle her responsibilities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was so embarrassed when I ran into a woman I met some years ago, and I totally didn't remember her or her name. Someone went to introduce me to her, and she looked at me like I was crazy because I didn't remember her. It was awkward. I said hello, but the damage was done. I could tell that she was insulted. How can I be better at remembering names? -- Memory Lost, Chicago

DEAR MEMORY LOST: In the moment when you forget a person's name, greet the person warmly and make a real connection. Apologize for not remembering the name, which means you own up to your challenge.

You can improve by using mnemonics, cues or associations that help emblazon people's names in your memory. You may choose to break their name down into smaller parts that trigger particular thoughts or associate their names with specific images. To learn more about this practice, visit buildyourmemory.com/faces.php.