DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read "Don't Know What to Do" from West Orange, N.J., who is a single mother of three and whose daughter just had a baby. She was overwhelmed with four children to take care of, and she is concerned about the spirits of her two younger daughters.

Nowhere do you tell the woman that raising the new baby is not her responsibility. She should not have four children to raise. The baby is not hers, and her daughter should take most of the responsibility for this baby. After all, she is the one who made the choice to get pregnant by having sex. What if she has another baby? Is the grandmother going to raise it, too? There are far too many grandparents raising their grandchildren, while the parents shoulder little or no responsibility.

It is OK for the woman to assist and support her daughter, but the major responsibility in raising and caring for this child should go to its mother. -- Keeping it Real, Charlotte, N.C.

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: You are right that the mother of a child, not the grandmother, should be responsible for her child. Whether it is right or not, what does typically happen when teenagers have children is that the grandmother needs to step in to ensure that the baby is cared for properly.

This is always a prickly situation. While there certainly are stories of teens who successfully learn to parent their children and build satisfying lives, it is more common to hear of struggles and challenges that directly impact the child's life in a negative way. This is why adoption is an important option for anyone who does not have the ability to care for an infant effectively.

I would venture to say that in order for a grandmother of a teen mother's child to be able to step back and NOT parent that grandchild, she will have to work closely with her child to set guidelines for what her daughter must do to care for her child, which includes presenting options that range from rules about around-the-clock care to the possibility of adoption if she cannot handle her responsibilities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was so embarrassed when I ran into a woman I met some years ago, and I totally didn't remember her or her name. Someone went to introduce me to her, and she looked at me like I was crazy because I didn't remember her. It was awkward. I said hello, but the damage was done. I could tell that she was insulted. How can I be better at remembering names? -- Memory Lost, Chicago

DEAR MEMORY LOST: In the moment when you forget a person's name, greet the person warmly and make a real connection. Apologize for not remembering the name, which means you own up to your challenge.

You can improve by using mnemonics, cues or associations that help emblazon people's names in your memory. You may choose to break their name down into smaller parts that trigger particular thoughts or associate their names with specific images. To learn more about this practice, visit buildyourmemory.com/faces.php.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance, whom I affectionately refer to as "My L'il Knucklehead," and I are very much in love. We consider ourselves each other's soul mates and believe that we were truly meant and destined for each other. Nevertheless, we have some issues that are very detrimental to our well-being -- drugs and alcohol. This has caused much turmoil in our relationship, and I don't know where to turn. I really love this woman, but for some odd reason, I'm afraid to lose her. I never really felt this way in previous relationships and now I question my reason or motives for not taking the initiative to better this situation. My close family and friends, for the most part, have distanced themselves from me, acting as if I have a contagious disease. They believe that My L'il Knucklehead isn't good for me and want nothing to do with me as long as I am with her. I can't walk away. Why? -- The Knucklehead's Sidekick, Shreveport, La.

DEAR THE KNUCKLEHEAD'S SIDEKICK: You are in need of support. You may want to start at an Al-Anon meeting. If your girlfriend is the drug and alcohol abuser and not you at all, you may be enabling her through behavior that you may not even recognize. Too often, when people are in relationships with substance abusers, they make excuses for them. They tend to diminish the effects that their partner's behavior has on their lives.

Rather than walking away, at least today, get some help. Visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, where you will find tons of information for people who have loved ones who are suffering alcohol abuse. You may also want to visit Nar-Anon at nar-anon.org, which is for people whose loved ones are suffering drug abuse. The point is to get help for yourself. You will figure out your next steps one day at a time. Keep the faith.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Could you please say something about the importance of RSVPing when you are invited to an event? My best friend just launched his business, and he invited a ton of prominent people in our community to attend. A lot of people did not respond at all, and quite a few of those who did say they were coming didn't show up. My friend had lousy attendance at this first showing of his work, and he was devastated. He knows that it takes time to build an audience, but he really thought he was going to have better attendance because people said they were going to be there. -- Just RSVP, New York City

DEAR JUST RSVP: I'm sorry to hear about your friend's disappointment. The kind thing to do when you are invited to an event is to respond by saying whether you can attend. If your plans change at the last minute, follow up to say that you can no longer make the event. This is helpful for catering, seating and overall planning for the host.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant has become increasingly distracted by who knows what. I notice that she comes to work late very frequently, something she never did before. When I ask her to handle the simplest tasks, it now takes her hours when it used to take five minutes. I constantly have to remind her of basic responsibilities, which is driving me crazy. She used to be good, but I wonder if she even wants to be here anymore. I don't want to have to look for a new assistant, but it feels like she is forcing my hand. What can I do? -- No More Distractions, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR NO MORE DISTRACTIONS: Call a meeting with your assistant and bring your concerns to her attention. Tell her that she seems to be distracted by something that is negatively affecting her work. Ask her what is going on in her life. Ask her directly if she still wants to work there. Sometimes people have to be confronted in order for them to reveal the truth.

I had the experience years ago with an assistant who started with an attitude and later became lackadaisical on the job. When I asked her what was going on, she eventually admitted that she wanted to go back to school. We agreed that if she would recommit to her job as she looked for a school in which to enroll, she could stay. But the requirement was that she go back to doing her job well. It worked out great for both of us, but it took me calling her on the carpet to wake her up. When she left, it was on good terms with a recommendation. We remain connected today.

You may need to wake up your employee, give her choices about how she plans to move forward and help her to be responsible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got a pack of official letters from the IRS basically saying that I am delinquent, and if I don't get my paperwork in fast, they are going to garnish my wages. They are right. I got inundated with bills and being laid off, and I guess I just let it get past me. So now I'm screwed. I have no money to pay the IRS what I owe. What should I do? I don't want to go to jail. -- Scared, Detroit

DEAR SCARED: It's time to take action. First, contact an accountant who can look over your paperwork and help you get organized. If you cannot afford a private accountant, the IRS actually offers professional services. With an accountant, contact the IRS and ask for a payment plan. If you know you owe the money but you don't have it, you can work out an installment agreement where you must pay an agreed-upon amount every month until you pay it all off. Make sure you agree to an amount you can afford. You will have to keep up your payments.