DEAR HARRIETTE: I was doing the laundry the other day and found a business card with a woman's personal cellphone number in my husband's pants pocket. I know that it could be completely innocent, but he wore those pants on a night when he stayed out exceptionally late. When I asked him where he had been, he sort of brushed me off. He smelled like he had been drinking, which is not the norm for him. I don't want it to be true that he is having an affair or even thinking about it, but it really troubled me. I know I could be overthinking this. What should I say to find out the truth? -- Possibly Betrayed, Detroit

DEAR POSSIBLY BETRAYED: Rather than letting your mind get the best of you, talk to your husband. Pick a time when he is fully awake, sober and free of distractions. Express your concern about his behavior on that ill-fated day when he came home intoxicated. Tell him you found the business card in his pocket and it sounded an internal alarm for you. Ask him what is going on. Be direct. Ask him who the woman is on the card. If you actually do suspect that he had an affair or is considering it, tell him of your suspicions and ask him to think about your marriage before crossing that line.

Will he answer you honestly? That is hard to say. Watch his body language to see what his being is telling you. Ask him if he is committed to your marriage. If so, choose to figure out things you can do together that can strengthen your bond.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are separating after 14 years of marriage. We have two sons, and they are having a terrible time dealing with it. My husband has said some horrible things about me to them, and I fear that he is teaching them bad ways to treat woman. I know I don't have any control over what he says or does, but I am distraught by it all. It's bad enough that he is dumping me for another woman. Why does he have to bad-mouth me, too? What can I do to help my boys learn how to be good men? -- Ferocious Mom, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR FEROCIOUS MOM: Somehow, you need to get to your husband and remind him that the two of you will always be parents to your children. Ask him to try to remember this as you go through your divorce. Appeal to his love for the children as a reason that he should resist speaking negatively about you or your marriage. Suggest that it is possible to break up without being disrespectful and that this is important for your sons' health and well-being.

If necessary, get your attorney involved. If you believe that he will continue to defile your name, ask your attorney to go to court to request a hearing to discuss custody of the children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college senior, and I am concerned about my upcoming journey into the real world. I am preparing myself to apply for jobs, but I am very shy. I have tried to be assertive and I have attended job fairs on campus, but when I go, I just briefly greet the recruiter, put my resume on the table and run away. What are some networking tips shy people should keep in mind when approaching recruiters? -- Shy Senior, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR SHY SENIOR: Keep your focus on your goal -- to find a job. Be clear about what type of job you want. Make sure your resume expresses your interest in that particular job and your experience in that area. Do your research to find out which recruiters represent jobs in your area of interest. Seek those particular people out as you move through the job fair. If you can, create a checklist of who you would like to meet in advance and get a map of the job fair. It will be easier for you to go to each targeted recruiter rather than feeling like you have to search through an endless sea of people.

When you approach a recruiter, make eye contact and offer a firm handshake. State your name and say that you have looked him or her up and believe that you might be a good fit for the company. Having done research in advance shows that you are a strategic thinker and a planner. The recruiter will probably appreciate that and invite you to talk. When you talk, stick to the facts at first. Say why you want to pursue your area of interest. Answer any questions you are asked. As you loosen up, share things about yourself that reveal your uniqueness. Follow up with a thank-you note expressing gratitude for the opportunity to meet the recruiter. State that you hope to be considered for the position you discussed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant, a recent college grad, wears some inappropriate things to work sometimes. She has come into my conservative law office wearing purple sparkling nail polish, shorts and high-heeled pumps and, on occasion, jeans. Everyone else except the people in the mailroom wear suits -- women and men both. For her job interview she wore a conservative business suit, so I didn't have a reason to believe that she would turn into what looks more like party girl. I like this young woman and want her to succeed. How can I tell her that she's making the wrong choices? -- Improperly Clad, Chicago

DEAR IMPROPERLY CLAD: Consider it your duty as her boss and seemingly her mentor to educate her about how to succeed in your industry and your company. She needs to learn that the corporate culture dictates that she be conservative and modest in her attire, including her nail color. Point out specifics on how she has veered off course. Show her people in your office who are dressed for success. Suggest that she plan her attire within the boundaries of what she sees. Somewhere in there she can cultivate her own style.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a single 28-year-old woman born in Nigeria, but currently living in Brooklyn, N.Y. I am interested in embarking on a new relationship, but I have not had the best luck in the dating scene. Recently, a friend of mine tried to hook me up with a friend of hers who is also Nigerian, but he lives in China. She expressed great things about him and gave me his phone number. We have communicated via text only a few times, and I already find him to be awkward. I haven't seen a very clear picture of him, so I don't really know if he is my type. He has asked to chat via Skype, but I do not think I am comfortable enough to do so. Should I give it a try and Skype with him at least once? Or should I let this one go? -- Single but Not Settling, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SINGLE BUT NOT SETTLING: Start by making a physical list of the attributes you would like your partner to have. What qualities are attractive to you? Also, what qualities or behaviors would be turn-offs? When you have a clear list, which should include things about behavior and values more than about appearance, look again at the single men you meet to see if anyone seems interesting.

As far as the man your friend has introduced to you, it's natural for communication to be awkward when you have barely communicated with each other. He may find you awkward as well. Talking via Skype can serve as a bridge in that you will be able to see and hear each other. Go for it.

I will add that trying to date someone who lives in China is a curious option for someone who wants a relationship. It would probably be easier to have a chance at a real relationship if you try to meet someone could meet physically. If your goal is to meet a fellow countryman, you can do that, too -- even in Brooklyn. Open your eyes and look around!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my best friend is gay. We have been friends for something like 10 years. I am so angry that she didn't feel like she could tell me. I have never been judgmental about the way that other people live. She mentioned it the other day because she said she wanted to introduce me to her girlfriend. I didn't realize that she meant "girlfriend" like that, but when she introduced her, they were holding hands. It was such an awkward moment. Why didn't she tell me before? And what should I say to her? I feel like she betrayed me by not confiding in me. -- Left Out, Los Angeles

DEAR LEFT OUT: Who knows what was in your friend's head? Only she does. You need to ask her. Make a time when you can get together, and be upfront. Tell her that your feelings are hurt that she has never told you that she is gay and that it was uncomfortable learning the way you did. Tell her you love her and trust her and feel that she left you out of a very important fact of her life. Encourage her to tell you why. If you can talk through this, your friendship may be able to strengthen.