DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling totally stressed out, and I cannot sleep. I have been having verbal fights at work over what seems like a thousand disagreements on basic things. It is irritating me to no end. Honestly, I feel like the weather is getting everybody crabby and the littlest thing is setting people off. I want to help change the mood in the office, but I don't know how. I think our team is a good one. My co-workers are usually nice people, even though they are not acting nice at all right now -- me included. I am in charge of this team, and I think it is my responsibility to do something. What can I do to make things better? -- Crabby, Detroit

DEAR CRABBY: You've taken the first step by acknowledging that you are not in a good mood and that it is affecting your work and your relationships in the office. Could the weather be a part of it? Possibly. This has been the worst winter on record in decades.

What you may want to do is go to work with a refreshed attitude and point out the obvious. Tell your team members that you realize you have not been in a good mood and it seems like nobody else has been either. State your epiphany that the nasty weather has contributed to your all-around negative state. Ask your team if they know what you mean and how they are feeling. Find out if there are any specific issues that need to be addressed workwise, and see if you can help manage them.

Present the team with hot chocolate and cookies or some other such treat to show that you want everybody to have a happy moment and ease up on the tension. Ask them to work with you and each other to be kinder and gentler through this tough season.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw myself in the mirror, and I am horrified. I don't know why I didn't notice that I have gotten fat. It seems to have crept up on me. I'm no hermit or anything. I have been busy living and working and, yes, eating, I guess. I don't really think I eat all that much more than I used to. Now that I am in my 50s, everything has changed, including my body. I don't want to be fat, but I bet I need to lose like 50 pounds. Should I join one of those diet programs? I am so embarrassed. -- The Real Biggest Loser, Chicago

DEAR THE REAL BIGGEST LOSER: Believe it or not, your reflection in the mirror was the best thing that could have happened to you. Now you know for certain that you have work to do. Start by getting a complete physical. Check to see if you have any underlying health concerns that need to be addressed. Ask your doctor to refer you to a nutritionist.

Start to move your body. You can decide to walk every day. Or exercise to a video. Join a gym if you think you will go. Many people go to WeightWatchers to help them get on track. Take action now!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to my sister's apartment to visit my niece, her boyfriend and their baby girl. I was happy to see the new bundle of joy. During my visit, I saw my niece and her boyfriend argue about whose turn it was to hold the baby. At first I thought it was cute that the young couple wanted to hold the child; however, as time went on, I noticed they became more aggressive, calling each other names that I felt were not appropriate. I did not like their behavior, and I expressed my concern. I suggested to my sister that she should keep an eye on her new grandchild and her daughter. I thought my conversation with my sister was in confidence, but that was not the case. My sister told my niece everything I said, and my niece sent me a nasty email telling me to mind my business. I plan to visit my family in two weeks, and I would like to know how I should address my concerns without being told off. -- Family First, Chicago

DEAR FAMILY FIRST: In the life of a newborn, two weeks can seem like an eternity. Rather than holding onto what you saw during your last visit, be in the present when you visit again. Bring an upbeat, loving attitude to the new family. Offer to be of help in whatever way they need. If the boyfriend is there, be kind to him.

While it is wise to notice aggressive behavior, especially around children and babies, you cannot control what happens with this young couple. Many couples with newborns experience stress and have to learn how to manage it. Rather than rehash any experiences or feelings from the past, do your best to be supportive of the new family. Of course, if you ever see anything occur that could be considered putting the child in danger, say something immediately.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am on cloud nine thinking about my future wedding, and I have already mapped out my wedding day. My fiance thinks I am too controlling because I picked out my own engagement ring, but I still afforded him the opportunity to propose to me when he thought the time was right. I like being in charge and I do not think I will change, but I worry that my independence may cause some trouble in my future household. How do I let my husband "wear the pants" while I still manage our relationship? -- Have My Cake and Eat It Too, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO: I think of marriage as a dance, one that includes slow, intimate moves and independent, jerky ones. As with any good dance, it does call for someone to hold the vision for the couple. That said, it's best if both spouses understand and agree upon that vision.

Your perspective right now of wanting to be in control is not the healthiest way to enter into a marriage. You can bet that your husband will not appreciate your desire to run everything just as you wouldn't appreciate him wanting that very same role.

I recommend that you two go to marriage counseling and talk through roles and responsibilities, values, hopes and dreams.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get so tired of the same old stories every February. Don't get me wrong: I think Black History Month is important. But my kids come home every year learning about the same three or four public figures. I don't want to sound crass, but I think my kids deserve to learn about more than Dr. King and Rosa Parks. What about the other leaders who did great work years ago and even now? Every time I mention it at my children's school, people tell me to mind my business. This might be because I am not black. I am a white American, and I think this topic is important for my kids to learn. How can I get them to consider expanding the curriculum? -- Looking for History, Chicago

DEAR LOOKING FOR HISTORY: Start way before February to plant the seeds for a curriculum change. Go to your school principal with a formal proposal for an expanded curriculum. If you get no traction, go to your school board. It would be good to get parents and teachers to support you by signing a petition requesting such a curriculum.

At the same time, make it your business to educate your children independently by introducing them to museum exhibits, books and videos about less familiar African-American stories.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a business conference in Las Vegas, and I decided to extend my trip an extra two days because I wanted to add a little pleasure. I had a male friend that I was scheduled to meet after my business conference was over. Prior to my trip, he made plans for us to go to dinner and see a show. I could not wait for the conference to end -- I packed my party dresses, and I was ready to have a good time. I called my friend on the final day of my conference to tell him I was excited to see him, and to my surprise, he never called me back. I spent all this extra money to stay longer in Las Vegas hoping to spend quality with him, and he disappeared. When it was time for me to leave town, I got a phone call from him saying he was busy. This man really hurt me, and now I am kicking myself because I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Maybe I was hoping for something that was not realistic. I do not want this to happen to me the next time around. How can I manage that? -- High Hopes, Atlanta

DEAR HIGH HOPES: What is the backstory between you and this man? It seems incredibly rude that he would stand you up in this way. Could you have been unclear in your planning with him? If you believe you had made firm plans that he initiated and then dropped, then clearly he is not a "friend" to be trusted.

As far as the future goes, be more specific with anyone with whom you intend to spend time.