DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to my sister's apartment to visit my niece, her boyfriend and their baby girl. I was happy to see the new bundle of joy. During my visit, I saw my niece and her boyfriend argue about whose turn it was to hold the baby. At first I thought it was cute that the young couple wanted to hold the child; however, as time went on, I noticed they became more aggressive, calling each other names that I felt were not appropriate. I did not like their behavior, and I expressed my concern. I suggested to my sister that she should keep an eye on her new grandchild and her daughter. I thought my conversation with my sister was in confidence, but that was not the case. My sister told my niece everything I said, and my niece sent me a nasty email telling me to mind my business. I plan to visit my family in two weeks, and I would like to know how I should address my concerns without being told off. -- Family First, Chicago

DEAR FAMILY FIRST: In the life of a newborn, two weeks can seem like an eternity. Rather than holding onto what you saw during your last visit, be in the present when you visit again. Bring an upbeat, loving attitude to the new family. Offer to be of help in whatever way they need. If the boyfriend is there, be kind to him.

While it is wise to notice aggressive behavior, especially around children and babies, you cannot control what happens with this young couple. Many couples with newborns experience stress and have to learn how to manage it. Rather than rehash any experiences or feelings from the past, do your best to be supportive of the new family. Of course, if you ever see anything occur that could be considered putting the child in danger, say something immediately.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am on cloud nine thinking about my future wedding, and I have already mapped out my wedding day. My fiance thinks I am too controlling because I picked out my own engagement ring, but I still afforded him the opportunity to propose to me when he thought the time was right. I like being in charge and I do not think I will change, but I worry that my independence may cause some trouble in my future household. How do I let my husband "wear the pants" while I still manage our relationship? -- Have My Cake and Eat It Too, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO: I think of marriage as a dance, one that includes slow, intimate moves and independent, jerky ones. As with any good dance, it does call for someone to hold the vision for the couple. That said, it's best if both spouses understand and agree upon that vision.

Your perspective right now of wanting to be in control is not the healthiest way to enter into a marriage. You can bet that your husband will not appreciate your desire to run everything just as you wouldn't appreciate him wanting that very same role.

I recommend that you two go to marriage counseling and talk through roles and responsibilities, values, hopes and dreams.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get so tired of the same old stories every February. Don't get me wrong: I think Black History Month is important. But my kids come home every year learning about the same three or four public figures. I don't want to sound crass, but I think my kids deserve to learn about more than Dr. King and Rosa Parks. What about the other leaders who did great work years ago and even now? Every time I mention it at my children's school, people tell me to mind my business. This might be because I am not black. I am a white American, and I think this topic is important for my kids to learn. How can I get them to consider expanding the curriculum? -- Looking for History, Chicago

DEAR LOOKING FOR HISTORY: Start way before February to plant the seeds for a curriculum change. Go to your school principal with a formal proposal for an expanded curriculum. If you get no traction, go to your school board. It would be good to get parents and teachers to support you by signing a petition requesting such a curriculum.

At the same time, make it your business to educate your children independently by introducing them to museum exhibits, books and videos about less familiar African-American stories.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a business conference in Las Vegas, and I decided to extend my trip an extra two days because I wanted to add a little pleasure. I had a male friend that I was scheduled to meet after my business conference was over. Prior to my trip, he made plans for us to go to dinner and see a show. I could not wait for the conference to end -- I packed my party dresses, and I was ready to have a good time. I called my friend on the final day of my conference to tell him I was excited to see him, and to my surprise, he never called me back. I spent all this extra money to stay longer in Las Vegas hoping to spend quality with him, and he disappeared. When it was time for me to leave town, I got a phone call from him saying he was busy. This man really hurt me, and now I am kicking myself because I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Maybe I was hoping for something that was not realistic. I do not want this to happen to me the next time around. How can I manage that? -- High Hopes, Atlanta

DEAR HIGH HOPES: What is the backstory between you and this man? It seems incredibly rude that he would stand you up in this way. Could you have been unclear in your planning with him? If you believe you had made firm plans that he initiated and then dropped, then clearly he is not a "friend" to be trusted.

As far as the future goes, be more specific with anyone with whom you intend to spend time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a single girlfriend who is always flirting with people. I think she is inappropriate sometimes. I saw her at work the other day, and she called everybody "Baby," "Darling" and "Sweetheart." I think she thinks this is cute, but I feel pretty confident that somebody might find it offensive. I know she wants to seem young and hip, even though she is approaching 50. She is going about it in a sucky kind of way. As her friend, I want to tell her how I feel, but I am sensitive to the fact that she is single and I am married. I don't want to come off like I'm a know-it-all or anything. I want her to be happy. But speaking to adult professionals in this manner could backfire on her, plus it's doubtful that it will get her a date. How can I support her? -- How to Be a Friend, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR HOW TO BE A FRIEND: Flirting is one thing. Speaking in what could be considered sexist terms is another entirely. You should caution her about using such "niceties" to talk to professionals. Tell her that she could get in real trouble if someone who works for her dislikes this type of moniker.

As far as her general flirting with men, that's her business. Do not make the mistake of telling her how to find a man. You do not know what will work for her or if she will find a partner at all. Let her manage that part of her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in serious debt, and it is making me crazy. I do not own a home. I have very few assets. What I have are endless bills and a job that got downsized last year to part-time, even though I have worked for my company for more than 20 years. I feel like such a loser. Never mind, I still have to pay my bills. I had the thought that I could sell off some of my jewelry. That's the one asset I've got. When I was married -- I've been divorced for six years -- my husband gave me a sizeable diamond that I still have. I also inherited diamond jewelry from my mom when she died. I never wear the jewelry, but I thought I would keep it and pass it down. I don't have children, though, so maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I'm told that real diamonds usually stay valuable. Do you think this is a good idea? -- Using Assets, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR USING ASSETS: Diamonds can be valuable in that they can appreciate, depending upon the market price at any given time. Start with your wedding ring. Since you are no longer married, you should have less emotional attachment to that. Go to an established jeweler and have it appraised. Ask the jeweler if your ring can be sold there. If not, find a reseller of diamonds. Sell them one by one, so that you can hold onto whatever you can.