DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I talk to my sister, she lectures me. Yes, she is my big sister, but we are adults. I moved out about 10 years ago when I went away to college. She still lives at home with my parents. She helps them out, so it has turned out to be good for them. I think she lives there because she hasn't been able to keep a job. None of that really matters except that she constantly badgers me about my life choices. She says I am not living up to my potential. I have been promoted three times in my company since I have worked there. I don't know what she's talking about, and I am sick of her. How can I get her to stop? -- Stuck in the Middle, Shreveport, La.

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: It can be extremely difficult to break out of childhood patterns of communication. Often, the eldest child feels responsibility for guiding the younger children. Why? That was their role when they were children. It can be difficult to shed that sense of responsibility as they grow up. In your sister's case, it could be that she is overly concerned about your career success because it has been elusive to her. Rather than jealousy, she may be expressing genuine concern for your future.

Does that make it easier for you? Only in the sense that you may be able to have compassion for her. If you can imagine that she is attempting to look out for you rather than judge you, it may be easier for you to shift your relationship with her. Instead of fighting back, you can thank her for her concern and assure her that you are doing just fine. You can also check in with her from time to time about how she is managing the care for your parents. You can change the dynamic of your relationship by becoming the adult that you are, even when you are communicating with her. As you change, she may have the space to change as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an intern two years ago who asked me to write a letter of recommendation for her. I agreed and then got busy and forgot. She wrote back to me to remind me at the last minute. Thank goodness she did! I was able to get it to her just before the deadline, but I felt so bad. I meant to write her a glowing recommendation and deliver it early. My schedule got in the way. She is grateful that she got it at all, but I feel like a schmuck. How can I do a better job of following up with people? -- Over-stretched, Chicago

DEAR OVER-STRETCHED: Give yourself credit for getting that recommendation in on time. You would feel much worse if you had missed the deadline. In the future, write down the deadlines that you agree to fulfill. You may also want to set reminder alarms on your smartphone, if you have one, to remind you to complete upcoming tasks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call from an old friend -- well, acquaintance -- who wanted me to help another friend by meeting with him to see if I might hire his company for a job. As we talked, I realized that I could use this person's services for a project I was working on. Excited about the possibility, I had my friend connect us. It seemed like this guy's company could do a good job for me, so I hired him. Well, it has not worked out well at all. He has turned out to be a nightmare. I am surprised at how unprofessional he and his team have been. Now we are locked in a contract and trying to work our way through the whole thing, but it is a major problem. Part of me wants to handle this independently. Another part wants to let my friend know that this guy and his company are bad news. I would never hire them again, and I think she should know since I met them based on her referral. What do you think? -- Tattletale, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR TATTLETALE: You should handle your business with this man and his company independently of your friend. You hired him, and it is important that you remain professional. At the same time, when the dust has settled, you should also be in touch with the friend who referred him to you. Your friend should know that the referral went south. Be prepared to share specific details about what didn't work in a spirit of sharing professional information. Do not bad-mouth the man or his company. Stick to the facts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting up in age, and she is beginning to need a lot of help. My siblings live very near to her. Even so, they always call on me to take care of things, especially if there is ever a bill to pay. All of us work, and none of us is rich by a long shot. I think we should all be working together to help Mom. Whenever I make that suggestion, they balk and say, "What do you know? You aren't even here to see what's going on." I do live farther away, but I come to visit almost every month, and I give whatever financial support I have. I feel like they are trying to guilt me into paying more since I can't be there. I hate this. I would do anything for my mother, and I feel like they should not take advantage of that. -- Spent, Cincinnati

DEAR SPENT: Call a family meeting when you can all be face-to-face. Suggest that in preparation for the meeting, everyone assess what your mother's needs are. At the meeting, discuss every item listed and assign each task to someone. When it comes to paying for things, talk openly about your concerns, and ask your siblings to voice theirs as well. If you can itemize what each person will contribute in writing, it may make it easier to share the responsibility.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My former boss hired me to go with her to her new company to help build up the business. She trusted me to set up systems that would help this company be efficient, and I did exactly that. Turns out, though, that we did not often agree on the approach. I am a systems guy, and I believe in delivering information in a clear and concise way so that others understand what is expected of them and on what timeline. My boss, on the other hand, is very touchy-feely. She likes to talk to people about how they like what we are doing, and she lets people get away with things if they act "nice." I did not think that was a good strategy. Whenever we talked about styles, it became an issue. After a year, I gave up. I quit my job because it was clear to me that we were never going to come to a meeting of the minds. I think I left on decent terms, but I am concerned about how to move on and get a job that works for me. -- At a Brick Wall, Denver

DEAR AT A BRICK WALL: I'm sorry that you did not figure out a way to transition into a new job while you still had a job. That is usually an easier way to make a career transition. That said, as you now look for work, learn about the corporate culture where you are interviewing. Find out what the management style is like at a potential employer. You may also want to do some research in the field of emotional intelligence. You may discover that there is a bridge between systems and learning how to manage emotions that will help you become a more effective leader. Harvard professor Daniel Goleman has spent many years writing on the subject. Check out danielgoleman.info/topics/emotional-intelligence/.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a life coach who has been incredibly helpful to me in the past few months. I was supposed to call her last week when we had that crazy snowstorm in Atlanta, and I couldn't do it. I was freaked out because my son was stuck at his school overnight and my car was stuck on the highway. I lost my cool and got really sad and depressed. I remembered our call a few hours later and sent her a note apologizing for standing her up. Now I feel weird. Should I pay her for the time we didn't have together? I don't want her to think I don't value her time, but I also don't really want to pay for a session that I didn't have. -- Betwixt, Atlanta

DEAR BETWIXT: Call your life coach and tell her your predicament. Apologize again for not showing up on time for your call. Ask her if she would consider waiving her fee this one time, due to extenuating circumstances. Chances are good that she will be understanding, given the nature of what happened. Following up right away is what's most important.