DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends stay at my apartment a couple of nights during the week. It's a nice apartment and convenient to where they work, plus they live far away. They could at least help out with paying for the toilet paper or groceries, but I don't know how to get that point across, especially since they are on budgets. They see me as privileged and think I don't need help financially. What should I say? -- Feeling Unappreciated, New York City

DEAR FEELING UNAPPRECIATED: There is a simple solution to your problem: You must establish house rules with your friends. This starts with your acknowledging that you, too, have a budget. Honestly, everyone should, regardless of how much money you have.

Sit your friends down and tell them that now that you have established a pattern with them where they live at your apartment on a weekly basis, you want to review what is important to you for them to do. Point out that now that you have more people in the house, provisions run out much more quickly. Tell them that you would like for them to contribute to the weekly budget for toiletries, including toilet paper, and food. You can come up with a weekly number that feels right, or ask them to purchase certain items on a regular basis so that they can be active participants in keeping the household going.

I doubt that they will mention your "privilege," but if they do, point out to them that everyone has a budget, including you. You are attempting to be responsible as far as managing your household, and you ask them to honor that while they are staying with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: While your advice for "Feeling Used" and his family members to hire a financial planner was a positive step, from experience, I would make one more recommendation.

Before Feeling Used allows family members to depend financially on him, he should recommend that they take part in a financial class, such as the Dave Ramsey class.

Feeling Used could explain that there may be a day when he is no longer able to help or something would happen to him that would leave family members in a difficult situation. Feeling Used could explain that it would be a disservice to fail to prepare them for the future.

If the family members do not want to take steps to manage their own finances, then Feeling Used would know their motive is to depend on his fiscal responsibility and not develop their own. He can determine from there how much he wants to contribute to members who want him to finance them. -- Draw the Line, Sparta, Mich.

DEAR DRAW THE LINE: Education is everything, isn't it? Thank you for your guidance on how to protect your money and your family. When all parties are being responsible, it's less likely that anybody gets abused.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to help a friend secure a wine sponsor for her upcoming comedy show, and I was able to do so in a timely manner. My friend was happy, and she asked me to help promote the event. I am uncomfortable with the idea of promoting the event because I have lot of friends who are very religious. They will not attend an event that serves wine, and more importantly, I do not want to deal with my spiritual adviser if word gets back to him. People need to laugh, and I don't see the big deal if someone has a drink to loosen up, but I'm not trying to wave the flag and promote it either. Can I please everybody? -- A Conflict of Interest, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR A CONFLICT OF INTEREST: The mistake you made was starting down this road in the first place. If you knew that your spiritual community would disapprove of your involvement with alcohol and this community's opinion of you really matters, you probably should not have involved yourself in securing the alcohol in the first place.

That said, you do not have to accept the next role. For one, if the community you would promote this event to is your church community and you know they would be offended, you can tell that to your friend. If you are a promoter and know how to reach more broadly -- and you want to promote this event -- treat it simply as a job and invite the people you believe would enjoy the event. Do not invite your church members.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can't take it any longer with my boyfriend. He is needy all the time, and I'm a girl who needs my space. I want to end it now, but he bought tickets for a band I really like. Is it wrong to break up with him after? Or should I do it before? -- Wanting to Do the Right Thing, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR WANTING TO DO THE RIGHT THING: Weigh the pros and cons of the moment. Do you think you could genuinely enjoy spending the evening with your boyfriend at this show? I do not mean would you independently have fun? If you believe that the two of you could share a meaningful experience that you both will value later, then I say go to the concert. Why? Because you will have a positive memory of your relationship after it ends. Do not break up with him at the end of the event, though. Do not link the two. Instead, thank him for his generosity that night and put a period on that experience.

At another time, get together and tell him that you do not think that the relationship is going well. Talk about what you have enjoyed and what concerns you. Explain what space looks like to you. Tell him that you question whether he can give you that space. Sometimes when you lay things out in black and white, people hear them differently. Perhaps he can change. You may never have been this direct with him about it. If it sounds like you can work together to give it another shot, do so. If not, tell him you are ready to end it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a party with a group of friends, and my friend who was driving had way too much to drink. We tried to take her keys away from her, but she refused and got quite loud. In the end, my husband and I refused to ride with her. We learned that she got home safely, but we were really upset that she wouldn't let us help her. She claimed that she is grown and can do what she wants. So she blew us off.

I always see these notices that friends should not let friends drive drunk. We really tried, but we were unsuccessful. What can you do if your friend doesn't go along with the safety program? -- Unsafe, Boston

DEAR UNSAFE: You took the right action to attempt to take the keys away from your friend. That she got loud is not reason enough to stop trying to get those keys. Instead of giving up, you could have asked other friends to help you talk her down. You could have offered to call her a cab, or suggested that you would give her a ride home or allow her to sleep over.

What was dangerous was leaving her at the party. While she is not ultimately your responsibility, it would have been smart for you to wrest those keys from her in virtually any way possible. Too many people die because they get behind the wheel when under the influence. You would be devastated if you left your friend in a position like that. Let her be mad at you -- at least she'll be alive. For ideas, visit: friendsdrivesober.org/student_involvement/stop_a_friend.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been feeling lethargic lately. I know part of it is because I have had very little work, which is depressing. I try so hard, but I work freelance and hardly anybody is hiring. I have had to negotiate payment plans with everybody in my life, it seems. I'm afraid to pick up the phone for fear of another bill collector calling. I find myself sleeping less and waking up late. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around like a zombie with no energy at all. None of this is helping my job prospects. I hate it, but I don't know what to do. -- Depressed, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR DEPRESSED: It is possible to become depressed when you are short on money and can't figure out how to climb out of a hole. It could also be true that you have underlying health concerns that are making you feel fatigued.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to go to the doctor and get a checkup. If you do not have insurance, find a free clinic in your city. Describe your physical and emotional symptoms to a doctor, and ask for a complete physical. Diseases such as high blood pressure and diabetes can cause fatigue, as can depression. Find out if you are suffering from an illness. If so, get the help you need.