DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to help a friend secure a wine sponsor for her upcoming comedy show, and I was able to do so in a timely manner. My friend was happy, and she asked me to help promote the event. I am uncomfortable with the idea of promoting the event because I have lot of friends who are very religious. They will not attend an event that serves wine, and more importantly, I do not want to deal with my spiritual adviser if word gets back to him. People need to laugh, and I don't see the big deal if someone has a drink to loosen up, but I'm not trying to wave the flag and promote it either. Can I please everybody? -- A Conflict of Interest, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR A CONFLICT OF INTEREST: The mistake you made was starting down this road in the first place. If you knew that your spiritual community would disapprove of your involvement with alcohol and this community's opinion of you really matters, you probably should not have involved yourself in securing the alcohol in the first place.

That said, you do not have to accept the next role. For one, if the community you would promote this event to is your church community and you know they would be offended, you can tell that to your friend. If you are a promoter and know how to reach more broadly -- and you want to promote this event -- treat it simply as a job and invite the people you believe would enjoy the event. Do not invite your church members.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can't take it any longer with my boyfriend. He is needy all the time, and I'm a girl who needs my space. I want to end it now, but he bought tickets for a band I really like. Is it wrong to break up with him after? Or should I do it before? -- Wanting to Do the Right Thing, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR WANTING TO DO THE RIGHT THING: Weigh the pros and cons of the moment. Do you think you could genuinely enjoy spending the evening with your boyfriend at this show? I do not mean would you independently have fun? If you believe that the two of you could share a meaningful experience that you both will value later, then I say go to the concert. Why? Because you will have a positive memory of your relationship after it ends. Do not break up with him at the end of the event, though. Do not link the two. Instead, thank him for his generosity that night and put a period on that experience.

At another time, get together and tell him that you do not think that the relationship is going well. Talk about what you have enjoyed and what concerns you. Explain what space looks like to you. Tell him that you question whether he can give you that space. Sometimes when you lay things out in black and white, people hear them differently. Perhaps he can change. You may never have been this direct with him about it. If it sounds like you can work together to give it another shot, do so. If not, tell him you are ready to end it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a party with a group of friends, and my friend who was driving had way too much to drink. We tried to take her keys away from her, but she refused and got quite loud. In the end, my husband and I refused to ride with her. We learned that she got home safely, but we were really upset that she wouldn't let us help her. She claimed that she is grown and can do what she wants. So she blew us off.

I always see these notices that friends should not let friends drive drunk. We really tried, but we were unsuccessful. What can you do if your friend doesn't go along with the safety program? -- Unsafe, Boston

DEAR UNSAFE: You took the right action to attempt to take the keys away from your friend. That she got loud is not reason enough to stop trying to get those keys. Instead of giving up, you could have asked other friends to help you talk her down. You could have offered to call her a cab, or suggested that you would give her a ride home or allow her to sleep over.

What was dangerous was leaving her at the party. While she is not ultimately your responsibility, it would have been smart for you to wrest those keys from her in virtually any way possible. Too many people die because they get behind the wheel when under the influence. You would be devastated if you left your friend in a position like that. Let her be mad at you -- at least she'll be alive. For ideas, visit: friendsdrivesober.org/student_involvement/stop_a_friend.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been feeling lethargic lately. I know part of it is because I have had very little work, which is depressing. I try so hard, but I work freelance and hardly anybody is hiring. I have had to negotiate payment plans with everybody in my life, it seems. I'm afraid to pick up the phone for fear of another bill collector calling. I find myself sleeping less and waking up late. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around like a zombie with no energy at all. None of this is helping my job prospects. I hate it, but I don't know what to do. -- Depressed, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR DEPRESSED: It is possible to become depressed when you are short on money and can't figure out how to climb out of a hole. It could also be true that you have underlying health concerns that are making you feel fatigued.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to go to the doctor and get a checkup. If you do not have insurance, find a free clinic in your city. Describe your physical and emotional symptoms to a doctor, and ask for a complete physical. Diseases such as high blood pressure and diabetes can cause fatigue, as can depression. Find out if you are suffering from an illness. If so, get the help you need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need your help. I am a single mother of three children, and my oldest daughter recently had a baby girl. Now I have four children to take care of, and I need a strategy to keep my 10-year-old and 3-year-old's spirits high while I take care of my oldest daughter and her baby girl. My 10-year-old daughter recently told me that she is lonely because my oldest daughter used to share a room with her. I know the transition will be challenging because I have to manage four children. Do you have advice on how to raise these children without pulling my hair out? -- Do Not Know What to Do, West Orange, N.J.

DEAR DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO: One step at a time is all you can do. That and get super organized. Everyone in your home needs to have responsibilities, including the 3-year-old. It's best if some of their duties involve the baby, because the little ones are likely jealous now that there is someone taking so much of "their" attention away from them -- in their young minds, anyway.

Perhaps the 3-year-old can help by bringing wipes when mom is changing the baby. One can bring the bottle over after an adult has heated it on the stove. Pick little duties that will make the children feel important in the family. Also, schedule time to help them with their homework and to talk to them at night before they go to sleep. Listen to them as they share their thoughts about the new family dynamics. They want to be heard. Meanwhile, teach your new mom how to be a mom and how to behave responsibly now that she has brought a child into the world.

Next, get help. Build a village with friends, family and neighbors so that you are not taking care of your family alone. Ask them to help you entertain the children. Finally, do something for yourself. Take a long, hot bath at night. Take a long walk in your neighborhood. Give yourself a few minutes each day for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It snowed really badly the other day, and I ended up not being able to attend my friend's party because it was too dangerous to go outside. The newscasters were telling people to stay inside because of the snow and ice, so I did. I called my friend to apologize in advance. He basically hung up on me saying I was a wuss for not braving the weather to come to his birthday party. I couldn't believe it. Where I live, which is in a rural area, nobody cleaned the streets, and they were covered with ice. Some power lines went down and everything. I think my friend was out of line in being so rude to me. How can I address this with him? If I don't say something, I fear we won't stay friends. -- Over It, Pikesville, Md.

DEAR OVER IT: Call your friend. Ask him how his party went. Remind him that you were unable to come due to the weather. Tell him directly that you were offended by the way he spoke to you. Tell him that you thought your friendship was more valuable than that.