DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently reconnected with my cousins. We hadn't talked to each other much for years. We live in different towns, and our lives are very different. We saw each other at a family funeral and realized how much we like each other, so we've been talking on the phone, and it has been so nice.

I thought that maybe we should plan to get together once a year or so. When I mentioned this to one of my cousins, I got some pushback. She said it was a nice idea and all, but she wasn't sure what her responsibilities will be over time, and she didn't want to make that kind of commitment. This hurt my feelings, but I get it. Going from zero to a promise of once a year could be ambitious. I don't want to give up, though. What can I do to let her know I want to stay close without being overbearing? -- Missing My Cousins, Philadelphia

DEAR MISSING MY COUSINS: First, give yourself credit for making the effort to kindle a meaningful relationship with your cousins. Your cousin probably did not mean to be hurtful to you. She sounds practical. What is realistic for you to do? Continue with regular phone calls, emails and texts. Share photos and highlights of your life, and encourage your cousins to do the same.

Build a rapport with them at a manageable pace. Find a rhythm. When it feels right or circumstances make it possible, schedule a visit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who uses his old aunties as an excuse to duck out on social commitments whenever he doesn't feel like showing up. He will call and say how sorry he is, but he has to drive four hours away to visit his ailing aunties who are well into their 90s. I know that some people spend an inordinate amount of time caring for their elders, but he is not one of them! This dude is a real loner when it comes to accepting responsibility for anything. But because he puts these innocent old ladies up as a buffer, it's hard to call him out on his flakiness. What can I do in a situation like this? I hate it when I invite him to a dinner party and he decides he isn't coming an hour beforehand. Help! -- Frustrated Friend, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED FRIEND: Why not call your friend out on his behavior directly? Tell him that it is upsetting to you that he bales on functions at the last minute. Tell him you expect him to treat you with more respect than that. Add that obviously you want only the best for his aunties, but let him know that you think he uses them as an excuse to be irresponsible.

Ultimately, though, you may have to decide not to invite him to certain events. If he has been doing this for years, it is part of his social DNA, and he may be unwilling to change.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a brother who lives 3,000 miles away from the family. He has lived there for more than 20 years. Though he stays in close touch with my mom, he hardly ever comes home. We invite him to all the holiday meals and every special event, but he hasn't come for years. We miss him and love him and want to see him. We were thinking about suggesting that we go out to visit him for the kids' spring break, but I'm worried that he will get upset if he thinks we are crowding his space. Honestly, who knows what to believe -- he doesn't talk about visits. How can I approach the idea of visiting him as a big family group so that he might consider it? -- Missing My Brother, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MISSING MY BROTHER: You didn't say how often or if ever you or other family members visit your brother, so I don't know what the precedent is currently. I do know that family members who live far away from the core family unit often feel isolated. Call your brother. Tell him that you and the family miss him and that you want to visit -- soon. Ask if all of you can come to visit during spring break. Tell him the dates, and then see how he responds. Given that yours is a group of a number of people, you should plan to stay in a hotel so that you don't invade his space without his invitation.

There's a good chance he will say yes. If not, you can tell him that you would love to visit whenever he is available. Continue to send him photos and include him in family activities from a distance so he knows you are thinking of him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a big argument with my husband, and now we are hardly speaking to each other. I'm tired of the way that he talks to me sometimes. He gets an idea in his head and doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say. We are Christian people, and we are taught that the man should be the head of the household, but I am having a hard time dealing with him talking to me any which way. I need him to speak to me with respect. I am not sure how to heal this latest wound. I am really hurt. -- Broken Wing, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BROKEN WING: Marriage coach Heath Wiggins, of HisLeadershipHerTrust.com, a biblically based training company that coaches married couples, says that being head of household does not mean that a man can say or do anything he wants. Wiggins contends that a husband's duty is to care for his family and help to guide them to good action. Further, he suggests that when the husband makes a mistake, including fueling a heated argument, it is his responsibility to apologize and ask for forgiveness because this is the only way to build trust.

I will add that regardless of your spiritual background, no one should allow a spouse to continually behave in a disrespectful manner without addressing the behavior and getting help when necessary. Seek counseling now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been sort of secretly in love with my best friend for, well, as long as we have been friends. I don't mean to have these feelings, but he is the kindest, funniest, most intelligent man I have ever met, and we get along so well. The thing is, he has been pretty much a player for the whole time we have been friends, and he has never acted like he was in love with me. Over the years, I have brought it up a few times, and he disappears for a while. I cool off. We reconnect as friends. Something happens and we come together, and then the feelings resurface. These days, I just enjoy the moment, but in a way, this relationship makes me sad. We are getting older, and many of our friends are dying. I am sad that we will never enjoy the closeness of a romantic relationship that I think we both would enjoy. Do you think I should say something one more time? We are in our 50s and 60s now. Somehow, it seems pathetic when I write it down. -- Love-struck, Boston

DEAR LOVE-STRUCK: Your bond with this man seems genuine and long-lasting. It also seems to be defined by particular boundaries that have been in place for decades. I recommend that you savor the relationship that you have rather than pining away for something that is elusive. Clearly, he is your friend, as you are his.

Do your best to practice being in the moment and allowing yourself to experience fully whatever your interactions may be. That's when you can be happy. Wishing for more takes you out of the present and into a fantasy construct. Reality is far more fulfilling.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I confided in a new friend about some challenges that I have been having in my marriage. I felt like she was trustworthy and would understand where I was coming from. She has been married for many years -- longer than me, actually. She gave me good advice in the moment, but I feel like ever since then she has been distant. I have called her a few times to get together. Prior to our big chat, we were getting together regularly, once or twice a month, to hang out. When I asked her if I had offended her in some way, she shrugged it off and said she has just been busy. I know that's not all it is. How can I get her to open up to me? -- Pushed Aside, Los Angeles

DEAR PUSHED ASIDE: Your new friend may be trustworthy in the sense of not talking about your personal business to others, but clearly she is not interested in connecting with you right now, for whatever reason.

Rather than being distracted by her distance, turn your attention to your marriage. You say that you have been having challenges there. What are they? Focus on your life. Drum up the courage to talk to your husband about your issues. Heal your marriage. A new friend is not nearly as important.