DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been sort of secretly in love with my best friend for, well, as long as we have been friends. I don't mean to have these feelings, but he is the kindest, funniest, most intelligent man I have ever met, and we get along so well. The thing is, he has been pretty much a player for the whole time we have been friends, and he has never acted like he was in love with me. Over the years, I have brought it up a few times, and he disappears for a while. I cool off. We reconnect as friends. Something happens and we come together, and then the feelings resurface. These days, I just enjoy the moment, but in a way, this relationship makes me sad. We are getting older, and many of our friends are dying. I am sad that we will never enjoy the closeness of a romantic relationship that I think we both would enjoy. Do you think I should say something one more time? We are in our 50s and 60s now. Somehow, it seems pathetic when I write it down. -- Love-struck, Boston

DEAR LOVE-STRUCK: Your bond with this man seems genuine and long-lasting. It also seems to be defined by particular boundaries that have been in place for decades. I recommend that you savor the relationship that you have rather than pining away for something that is elusive. Clearly, he is your friend, as you are his.

Do your best to practice being in the moment and allowing yourself to experience fully whatever your interactions may be. That's when you can be happy. Wishing for more takes you out of the present and into a fantasy construct. Reality is far more fulfilling.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I confided in a new friend about some challenges that I have been having in my marriage. I felt like she was trustworthy and would understand where I was coming from. She has been married for many years -- longer than me, actually. She gave me good advice in the moment, but I feel like ever since then she has been distant. I have called her a few times to get together. Prior to our big chat, we were getting together regularly, once or twice a month, to hang out. When I asked her if I had offended her in some way, she shrugged it off and said she has just been busy. I know that's not all it is. How can I get her to open up to me? -- Pushed Aside, Los Angeles

DEAR PUSHED ASIDE: Your new friend may be trustworthy in the sense of not talking about your personal business to others, but clearly she is not interested in connecting with you right now, for whatever reason.

Rather than being distracted by her distance, turn your attention to your marriage. You say that you have been having challenges there. What are they? Focus on your life. Drum up the courage to talk to your husband about your issues. Heal your marriage. A new friend is not nearly as important.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grooming habits have taken a serious nosedive as of late, and I think it's affecting the office climate at my place of work. I'm aware of what I need to do to take care of myself, but my current financial situation tells me I have to pick and choose what I can pay for. For example, I used to go to the barbershop every two weeks, and now I go every two months. I welcomed the extra hair on my face because it's been beneficial bracing against the brutally cold weather we have had as of late. Secondly, I haven't been able to clean my clothes on a consistent basis. I am embarrassed because I really care about the way I look. I need some advice because I want to become better. -- Grooming is Important, New York City

DEAR GROOMING IS IMPORTANT: First, review your whole situation. If you are working at a place that does not afford you enough income to handle your basic hygiene, you may be working at the wrong job. That said, even with limited means, it is possible to stay clean, neat and tidy. Regarding your hair, you can purchase an electric razor and grooming kit and cut your hair yourself. Many men do so. It may seem daunting at first, but it can save you thousands of dollars over time. Second, you can wash your clothes at home. If you do not have access to a free washer, use good old elbow grease. Put your clothes in the tub with soapy warm water. Soak them, scrub them, rinse them and hang them.

By paying attention to yourself before you leave your home, you can make a difference, even if you have limited resources. Bathe thoroughly, wear clean clothes and learn to do everything you can on your own to cut costs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is driving me crazy because she has not had our baby yet. The expected due date was last week, and she is ready for the baby to come out. My wife has become really cranky, and she wants to rip my head off if I bother her with any nonsensical questions. I will be so excited when this baby comes out because I will not have to worry about her mouth. In the meantime, how can I keep my wife calm during this waiting period without losing my mind? -- Any Day Now, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR ANY DAY NOW: Anticipating an overdue baby is hard for both mother and father. Hormones are surging inside your wife. Anticipation is at an all-time high for both of you. Be a thoughtful listener through this period. Resist the temptation to tell your wife what to do. She does not need a lecture, even though this is often the way that men express their concern. Tell her you love her. Tell her you are happy to do anything she would like. Questions can be irritating. Observe her instead, and be ready to take action when you notice she has a need. Make sure the bag is packed and at the door, that you have your insurance card handy and that you are ready to drive to the hospital when the time comes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine went away for rehab for an eating disorder about a year ago. She called and told me about it, and for the next few months she talked about it a little. I think she had gained about 3 pounds and needed to gain about 30. I rarely see her since we don't live in the same town. I want to check in with her to see how she's doing. Do you think that's OK? -- Concerned Friend, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: Since your friend welcomed you into the conversation about her health, you have permission to bring it up again. But be sensitive. You can call and ask her how she's doing and if she is making strides with her eating disorder. Offer your love and support, and listen to see if she wants to talk. Don't press her, though. Tell her you want to support her in any way that you can. For more ideas: nationaleatingdisorders.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Please, please, please tell "Unsafe," whose next-door neighbor at her dorm has been using social media to threaten her life, to print out copies of the Facebook posts and tweets to support her position and keep a record of every interaction that she and her friends have with this girl. Also, Unsafe should never be alone with her. Racism, regrettably, is alive and well in this country, and this neighbor sounds especially mentally unbalanced. My fear is the neighbor may accuse Unsafe of something, and she desperately needs to protect herself.

A very good friend of mine, a gentle and kind man who does volunteer work for the homeless with his wife, saw his car getting hit by another car while it was parked. When he went outside to assess the damage with his brother, the woman who hit his car sped off. He thought that was the end of it, but a few moments later, police showed up and arrested him. The woman who hit his car accused him of assaulting her! She had never left her car, and they had never even exchanged words. He stood trial, and even though he had a witness and she didn't, he was found guilty, spent 30 days in jail, got 13 months probation and has a conviction on his record forever. Why did this woman do it? It's not clear, but she had no license and no insurance.

My friend's crime? He's African-American, and the police chose to believe the woman's story rather than my friend and his brother. -- Unfair, Chicago

DEAR UNFAIR: When we see extreme behavior seemingly triggered by race, it is very important to tell the authorities. Indeed, this is true whether the behavior is racially motivated or not. In our country, we have recently witnessed too many arguments turn violent with people getting hurt, violated or wrongfully accused. Remaining vigilant and getting support immediately when you notice unsafe behavior from others -- friend and foe alike -- could end up saving your life.