DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost my job and had to move out of my apartment. I currently live with my best friend and her husband. I am so grateful my friends opened their doors for me in my time of need. It has been six months since I lost my job, and my friend's husband is giving me hints that I should find a place because I am getting in the way of their relationship. The last thing I want to do is break up someone's home.

I called my parents to see if I could move back into their house, and they told me no and I should find a woman's shelter to move into until I can get my life together. I had a bad experience in a women's shelter many years ago. I am hurt and disappointed that my parents made a suggestion like that. I have a couple of dollars saved up, but I do not know how long it will last. I used to work in the accounting department at a popular hotel chain, and I am ready to work and have my own place again. -- Nowhere to turn, Virginia Beach, Va.

DEAR NOWHERE TO TURN: Comb your memory to see if you have any other friends who may take you in temporarily. If necessary, go to a shelter for a short time. Research to find the safest and cleanest ones in your area. Spend your days actively looking for a job, perhaps outside your field.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your response to "Worried Son" and was very disappointed. He does not want his mother to drive because she is in her mid-80s. He provides no evidence that she has had any driving problems except that she older, yet you do not even question him about that. People of any given age are not exactly alike. The lady may have many years of driving ahead of her.

No, I am not in my 80s; I am a 58-year-old woman who ran senior care facilities of various types for many years. Some children become "helicopter children" in trying to ensure the safety and welfare of their parents and give no thought to quality of life. Getting older is difficult enough without creating problems where none exist. -- Able to Drive, Chicago

DEAR ABLE TO DRIVE: I apologize for not making the point that you bring up. Indeed, there are many seniors who are perfectly capable of driving, living on their own and otherwise leading completely independent lives, sometimes well into their 90s. I happen to have quite a few of them in my life. My intention was not to be dismissive of those who are able to be independent.

In my research about older people and the safety of driving, I have found a few consistent warning signs for family members and elders themselves to consider as they evaluate whether it is time to stop driving. They include health concerns such as advanced arthritis that could make it hard to steer the car or turn your neck; advanced Parkinson's disease; diminished vision; Alzheimer's; and medications that could cause drowsiness. Review the person's recent driving record. Talk about fender benders and near-misses. For more ideas and information on this topic go to: seniordriving.aaa.com.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need help with people who treat my home in a disrespectful manner. My 30-something stepson and his girlfriend visit us two or three times a year from another state. Twice in the last couple of years, the rug in the guest bathroom has been permanently ruined by what I'm assuming is black hair dye. Another time, the countertop was stained. I have also found food crumbs in the bedroom after they left. I have bought cheap rugs to use in the bathroom for when they visit.

We've had a houseguest who stayed in the shower for 20 to 25 minutes. Another sat with his feet and shoes under him on our upholstered chairs.

I would be mortified if I ruined something in someone's house. My husband has a close relationship with his son, but doesn't want to speak with him about this. My stepson and I have a good relationship but are not especially close. I am glad that my stepson feels relaxed and welcome in our home. I do not want to hurt the relationship, but I also do not want my home used and abused. What can I do? -- Maid in the Midwest, Chicago

DEAR MAID IN THE MIDWEST: You have every right to have ground rules in your home that you require houseguests to follow, even when they are members of your family. The next time your family comes to visit, sit them down when they arrive and tell them that you want to establish a few house rules. Point out that you think they used hair dye previously and that it stained the rug. Ask them to refrain from using dye. Ask them to be mindful of not running the water too long as you are trying to conserve water. I would wait to make the point about the shoes on the sofa. When you see it, say something like, "Please don't put your shoes on the furniture."

Could this be awkward at first? Yes, but you should not feel afraid to let them know how to care for your home while they are in it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin will be visiting from out of town for about a month. She has asked if she can stay with me, and I said yes. I realize I need a little bit more information. I know she is looking for a job and that her finances are limited, but I cannot really afford to pay for her meals for a month. Should I let her know upfront that I will need her to contribute to the cost of food? I don't want her to feel bad. I am not charging her rent or anything like that. -- Striking a Balance, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: You absolutely should let her know what your needs and expectations are. Be specific about everything from contributing to the food bill and helping to cook and clean to house rules about chores, curfews, guests -- anything that is important to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother was just placed in hospice, and my family and I want to make sure that other family members and loved ones know so that they can send cards right away and visit if they would like. She has been sick for some time, but she has taken a turn for the worse. We have already called the older people whose phone numbers we have, but we also want to reach the younger people. Is it acceptable to reach them through social media? We don't want to do anything that is inappropriate. Is this in poor taste? -- Sending the Message, Winston Salem, N.C.

DEAR SENDING THE MESSAGE: What's great about social media is that you can reach people quickly if they are users of the platforms that you use. Recently I learned about a friend's illness through a direct message on Facebook, which means it wasn't broadcast publicly, but instead sent specifically to people who were connected to this woman. The friend group was asked to pray for her, and we all shared in a collective prayer online. Similarly, I learned of another friend's passing via Facebook. Again, it was sent via a private message. I was asked to let other people know, so I posted the details of the memorial on my Facebook page.

Yes, you can use whichever form of social media will get to your loved ones. Whenever you can communicate privately with them, do so. If your mother does not mind you letting people know broadly, reach out in that way, but have people contact you rather than going directly to her so that you can manage the outreach that comes her way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, I called a male friend of mine to ask him about the current state of our friendship. He told me that he was content and is happy that we are friends. My friend went back to college when he turned 40. Currently he does not have the time to be in a relationship because he is a full-time student. During our conversation, I told him that I was in a relationship. Surprisingly, he was OK with my search for love. I told him that I still want to be friends, and I am trying to figure out how I can have a boyfriend and male friend at the same time. -- Have My Cake and Eat It Too, New York City

DEAR HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO: The big question for you is what kind of friend you consider your "male friend" to be. Was he ever your romantic friend? Is that what you had hoped he would be in your life? If so, there is no room for you to have him and your boyfriend. You have to choose.

But, in general, if you are not romantically attached to a friend who is male when you have a boyfriend or when you are married, there should be no reason for you to end your friendship. If you ever feel the need to hide your friendship, that's a sign that you should cut the ties that bind you.