DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother was just placed in hospice, and my family and I want to make sure that other family members and loved ones know so that they can send cards right away and visit if they would like. She has been sick for some time, but she has taken a turn for the worse. We have already called the older people whose phone numbers we have, but we also want to reach the younger people. Is it acceptable to reach them through social media? We don't want to do anything that is inappropriate. Is this in poor taste? -- Sending the Message, Winston Salem, N.C.

DEAR SENDING THE MESSAGE: What's great about social media is that you can reach people quickly if they are users of the platforms that you use. Recently I learned about a friend's illness through a direct message on Facebook, which means it wasn't broadcast publicly, but instead sent specifically to people who were connected to this woman. The friend group was asked to pray for her, and we all shared in a collective prayer online. Similarly, I learned of another friend's passing via Facebook. Again, it was sent via a private message. I was asked to let other people know, so I posted the details of the memorial on my Facebook page.

Yes, you can use whichever form of social media will get to your loved ones. Whenever you can communicate privately with them, do so. If your mother does not mind you letting people know broadly, reach out in that way, but have people contact you rather than going directly to her so that you can manage the outreach that comes her way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, I called a male friend of mine to ask him about the current state of our friendship. He told me that he was content and is happy that we are friends. My friend went back to college when he turned 40. Currently he does not have the time to be in a relationship because he is a full-time student. During our conversation, I told him that I was in a relationship. Surprisingly, he was OK with my search for love. I told him that I still want to be friends, and I am trying to figure out how I can have a boyfriend and male friend at the same time. -- Have My Cake and Eat It Too, New York City

DEAR HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO: The big question for you is what kind of friend you consider your "male friend" to be. Was he ever your romantic friend? Is that what you had hoped he would be in your life? If so, there is no room for you to have him and your boyfriend. You have to choose.

But, in general, if you are not romantically attached to a friend who is male when you have a boyfriend or when you are married, there should be no reason for you to end your friendship. If you ever feel the need to hide your friendship, that's a sign that you should cut the ties that bind you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved into a basement apartment of a one-family house. My property owner lives on the first floor of the home, and he is a religious person. I have a separate entrance, and I plan to have female friends visit from time to time. Because my property owner is very religious, I think there may be an issue with bringing female company over to my apartment. Do you think I should let him know in advance, or is it none of his business who I bring over to my place? -- Mostly Happy Tenant, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MOSTLY HAPPY TENANT: It sounds like you knew that your property owner was religious before you moved into his house. While as a renter you have the legal right to invite whomever you want into your home, you also suspect that this man will consider your planned behavior disrespectful.

Is it worth it for you to entertain lady friends in a way that will incite anger, disappointment or other negative emotions? Do you intend to stay there short-term or for a while? I ask because you probably don't want to cause friction from the start. It can make it far more difficult to be invited to renew your lease.

A compromise could be to have company for dinner but not allow her to spend the night. It may seem old school, but to your landlord it will simply seem respectful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm away at college and have been having trouble with my friends at school. There have been a number of arguments, and recently there was a fistfight between girls. My friends divided into two camps, and one girl keeps threatening to attack the other group. I want to be able to be cordial with all of them, but it's hard because both sides isolated me for two weeks when I chose not to take a side. There are about eight of us involved, most of whom I considered to be my friend group, and they are divided between the two sides. I am in the middle with one friend, kind of by ourselves. How do I address them and come to a common ground of understanding and respect? Pariah, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR PARIAH: When women (or men for that matter) resort to violence in order to handle their differences, you bet you are in volatile circumstances! It often takes a lot of time for everyone to cool off. But their behavior is inexcusable, and isolating you because you refused to take sides is a sign that bullying is going on.

Can you turn the tide for you and your friend group? Maybe. You can invite all of the girls in question to get together. From the start, tell them that you care about all of them and wish that you could renew your friendship. You cannot force them to make that choice, though. Ask a neutral party with authority -- possibly from your college's security staff -- to be present during this chat to ensure that violence does not break out again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About three months into my first semester at college, I had friends from home over for the weekend. We all got a message from our freshman Facebook group where the girl next door wrote that the girls next door to her (meaning us) are really loud and need to be quiet. My friends and I thought it would be funny to all "like" the message.

One of my friends thought it would be a good idea to see what other social media pages she might be writing about us on. We looked her up and found her Twitter account, which was public. We scrolled through the messages and found she had been writing about us for some time. We were curious to see how far the messages went and were able to trace them back to the first weekend on campus. She wrote things like "the girls next door are ratchet," "they are slutty," and that she would kill us in a heartbeat if she could. Numerous people she was friends with on Twitter commented that it was racist and that they hoped that we see what she's been writing about us. Her response was she was afraid to actually confront us because we are black and we would kill her.

We took screenshots of all the messages and texted them to our residence adviser, who informed campus police and our area coordinator, and they came to talk to us the next night. We then received an email from the dean of student life to meet about the issue, but after the meeting, we have not heard a response as to what will happen next. School is starting up again, and I want to know how to be safe when I don't know if this girl is serious or not. -- Unsafe, Newton, Miss.

DEAR UNSAFE: Given the rash of school violence at colleges across the United States, it is wise for you to be concerned about your safety after a student -- your next-door neighbor -- threatened, in writing, to kill you. Even if this was a joke, it is not funny, and your school administrators should take it very seriously.

If you haven't already, tell your parents about this incident in detail. Show them the captured Twitter messages. When you get back to school, speak to your RA and the dean of student life and ask for an update. If you get no response, go higher, all the way up to the president of the university if needed.

Too often threatening, racially charged behavior goes unchecked in a college setting. Who knows why this young woman went on a Twitter crusade about you and your friends? Could be you ticked her off because of the noise. Could be she has no friends and is jealous of you and yours. Her behavior could be harmless, if rude. But because it could also escalate to dangerous proportions, you deserve to be updated on how your college is handling the matter. Enlist your parents' help if you continue to get no answers.