DEAR HARRIETTE: My boss is addicted to reality TV. That wouldn't normally matter to me or anybody else at work except that she watches on the job. I'm not kidding. Even when we are busy with a project that has a strict deadline, I can walk into her office and catch her watching one of the "Housewives" shows or some other one of those crazy programs.

I can't believe my eyes sometimes. Once when I came in to talk to her about a project, she shushed me and said that we would talk after her show went off. I have no power at my job, so I don't even know what I can do. I want to say something to her, but I wonder if it is worth it. Otherwise we have a really nice relationship, so I think she might hear me if I dare speak up. -- Frustrated, Los Angeles

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Wow! This is an interesting problem to have. To get your boss to pay attention to your concern, you have to catch her when her shows are not airing. Request a private meeting with her if that is possible. Do your best to make it at a "safe" time and place where there are limited distractions.

Be honest with your boss, and tell her that you are concerned that it is hard for the team to get work done in a timely manner when she is constantly watching TV. Acknowledge how addictive these programs can be and recommend that she invest in TIVO or another such recording feature so that she can watch them on demand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has a major issue with the IRS because he always files late, if at all. I keep telling him that he shouldn't mess around with them. Everybody has to file and pay taxes, right? He just seems to drag his feet on getting it done. When I offer to take over and get his paperwork to the accountant, he shrugs it off.

I'm not really sure what the problem is. It's not like he makes a lot of money. But we would be screwed if the IRS garnished his wages, which is what the last letter said would happen if he doesn't respond. I'm scared. What can I do to help? -- Fearful, Chicago

DEAR FEARFUL: Ask your husband to agree to a family meeting with you at a particular time. Bring the paperwork to that meeting and show him what the threat is. Suggest that you work on this together. Remind him that your accountant is prepared to help you file the back papers. The accountant can also call the IRS on your behalf immediately to let them know that you are preparing to comply. Indeed, you two can call yourselves to alert them that you intend to meet the most imminent deadline. If you miss the deadline that promises a lien or garnishment of wages, you could be too late to stop that action, which will destroy his credit. To learn more about your risk, go to www.irs.gov/irm/part5/irm_05-011-005.html.

There are companies that help people avoid garnishment as well. Be careful to verify that the company is legitimate if you choose to work with one of them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so tired of being the only one in my family who takes responsibility for anything. I am the youngest child who makes the most money. I have been helping out my siblings for years. I pay for one niece's college tuition. I pay for my brother's mortgage several months out of the year, whenever he does not have steady employment. I feel like the family ATM, but whenever I stop helping them, they all accuse me of being selfish. I hate this predicament. I actually enjoy helping my family in some ways, but I do not appreciate them thinking that it is my responsibility to take them for a free ride. How can I create a better balance? -- Feeling Used, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FEELING USED: You are in a predicament that is common in many families. The one or ones with means often help out those who are less fortunate. And as you already know, the fine line can be difficult to navigate between being of help and enabling. What you may want to do is invest in a financial planner who works with you and with your family members. You can determine what you will do for yourself for now and your future, including a finite amount of money that you will give to your loved ones. For them, the planner can help them figure out how to be more stable in their financial dealings so that they can learn to live within their means and establish independence. Having an outside party help you will make all the difference.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new boss, and we have not gotten off on the right foot at all. When he started, he was really stern with me and didn't care to talk to me about what my job responsibilities are. Now, of course, he needs to know because my administrative job is key to his success. But I'm sick of him. I feel like he doesn't value me, so I don't want to help him anymore. He has been here for four months and only now has started to talk to me. I feel like I should be looking for a new job. What do you think? -- Fed Up, Detroit

DEAR FED UP: It is unfortunate that your boss did not connect with you from the start, but I do not think that you need to look for a new job just yet. Instead, refresh your attitude and decide that you can step up and work effectively with your new boss. Answer his questions with enthusiasm and focus. Show him how well you can do your job. Learn how he likes to work so that you can be an effective support for him.

While it is understandable that you wish he had paid attention to you earlier, now is your time. Be the assistant he needs and work to cultivate a healthy relationship with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 40 years old with 9-year-old twin girls and was horrified at your reply to the person who wrote in asking about what should be done when his or her mother-in-law rudely comments on another family member's weight. I'm sorry, but politely changing the subject is NOT enough. This mother-in-law is a bully and should be called one at that exact moment. Someone should stand up for the daughter-in-law being bullied as well. Any children in her presence need to be taught that this behavior is unacceptable. Politely and uncomfortably sitting by and continuing to eat while this poor woman is berated is unacceptable, and if her husband (the bully's son) isn't man enough to stand up to this bully, then someone else should. I would have stopped the woman from saying another hateful word, then I would have gotten up and taken my family home. PERIOD.

It is only when others stand up to bullies (in a non-violent manner), that we will be able to teach our children how to help end this horrible issue that is tragically affecting our young children. -- Take a Stand, Belmont, N.C.

DEAR TAKE A STAND: Your fiery view is a valid way of looking at this situation. It is unkind to speak disparagingly about anyone, especially children. Making the choice to directly address the mother-in-law's comments in the moment may get her to see that she should not speak that way. The downside is that it may also embarrass the family member whom she derided even more. Speaking with her in private and being clear about the negative impact of her words may be more helpful for everyone involved.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had one thought on the question about the mother-in-law who insulted her daughter-in-law's weight. Is this new behavior? If so, it's possible the mother-in-law has had a stroke or other neurological condition. Personality changes are often associated with these, including making insults. -- Another View, Chicago

DEAR ANOTHER VIEW: It is amazing how many ways we can look at the same situation. It is true that people's personalities can change when they have suffered neurological trauma. According to the American Heart Association, people who suffer strokes often face cognitive challenges afterward, which can include depression and the lack of a filter when communicating with others. Thus, it is smart to check your loved one's health if you notice a new streak of meanness or any other significant behavioral change.

What's particularly interesting about your letter is that it points to something else that we all can notice, namely that people who feel attacked for legitimate or illegitimate reasons often take the attack completely personally and then frequently retaliate verbally, if not physically. When you see a situation through your eyes only, it is hard to have any kind of understanding of the other person.

What may lead to a cooler head when you feel that someone is saying or doing hurtful things to you is to put yourself in that person's position for a moment and ask why you think the person would react in that way. What is going on in that person's life? Is the observation true, even if not delivered in the kindest format? When you have a sense of that person's perspective, take a stand.