DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so tired of being the only one in my family who takes responsibility for anything. I am the youngest child who makes the most money. I have been helping out my siblings for years. I pay for one niece's college tuition. I pay for my brother's mortgage several months out of the year, whenever he does not have steady employment. I feel like the family ATM, but whenever I stop helping them, they all accuse me of being selfish. I hate this predicament. I actually enjoy helping my family in some ways, but I do not appreciate them thinking that it is my responsibility to take them for a free ride. How can I create a better balance? -- Feeling Used, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FEELING USED: You are in a predicament that is common in many families. The one or ones with means often help out those who are less fortunate. And as you already know, the fine line can be difficult to navigate between being of help and enabling. What you may want to do is invest in a financial planner who works with you and with your family members. You can determine what you will do for yourself for now and your future, including a finite amount of money that you will give to your loved ones. For them, the planner can help them figure out how to be more stable in their financial dealings so that they can learn to live within their means and establish independence. Having an outside party help you will make all the difference.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new boss, and we have not gotten off on the right foot at all. When he started, he was really stern with me and didn't care to talk to me about what my job responsibilities are. Now, of course, he needs to know because my administrative job is key to his success. But I'm sick of him. I feel like he doesn't value me, so I don't want to help him anymore. He has been here for four months and only now has started to talk to me. I feel like I should be looking for a new job. What do you think? -- Fed Up, Detroit

DEAR FED UP: It is unfortunate that your boss did not connect with you from the start, but I do not think that you need to look for a new job just yet. Instead, refresh your attitude and decide that you can step up and work effectively with your new boss. Answer his questions with enthusiasm and focus. Show him how well you can do your job. Learn how he likes to work so that you can be an effective support for him.

While it is understandable that you wish he had paid attention to you earlier, now is your time. Be the assistant he needs and work to cultivate a healthy relationship with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 40 years old with 9-year-old twin girls and was horrified at your reply to the person who wrote in asking about what should be done when his or her mother-in-law rudely comments on another family member's weight. I'm sorry, but politely changing the subject is NOT enough. This mother-in-law is a bully and should be called one at that exact moment. Someone should stand up for the daughter-in-law being bullied as well. Any children in her presence need to be taught that this behavior is unacceptable. Politely and uncomfortably sitting by and continuing to eat while this poor woman is berated is unacceptable, and if her husband (the bully's son) isn't man enough to stand up to this bully, then someone else should. I would have stopped the woman from saying another hateful word, then I would have gotten up and taken my family home. PERIOD.

It is only when others stand up to bullies (in a non-violent manner), that we will be able to teach our children how to help end this horrible issue that is tragically affecting our young children. -- Take a Stand, Belmont, N.C.

DEAR TAKE A STAND: Your fiery view is a valid way of looking at this situation. It is unkind to speak disparagingly about anyone, especially children. Making the choice to directly address the mother-in-law's comments in the moment may get her to see that she should not speak that way. The downside is that it may also embarrass the family member whom she derided even more. Speaking with her in private and being clear about the negative impact of her words may be more helpful for everyone involved.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had one thought on the question about the mother-in-law who insulted her daughter-in-law's weight. Is this new behavior? If so, it's possible the mother-in-law has had a stroke or other neurological condition. Personality changes are often associated with these, including making insults. -- Another View, Chicago

DEAR ANOTHER VIEW: It is amazing how many ways we can look at the same situation. It is true that people's personalities can change when they have suffered neurological trauma. According to the American Heart Association, people who suffer strokes often face cognitive challenges afterward, which can include depression and the lack of a filter when communicating with others. Thus, it is smart to check your loved one's health if you notice a new streak of meanness or any other significant behavioral change.

What's particularly interesting about your letter is that it points to something else that we all can notice, namely that people who feel attacked for legitimate or illegitimate reasons often take the attack completely personally and then frequently retaliate verbally, if not physically. When you see a situation through your eyes only, it is hard to have any kind of understanding of the other person.

What may lead to a cooler head when you feel that someone is saying or doing hurtful things to you is to put yourself in that person's position for a moment and ask why you think the person would react in that way. What is going on in that person's life? Is the observation true, even if not delivered in the kindest format? When you have a sense of that person's perspective, take a stand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is constantly signing up for empowerment webinars and moneymaking seminars. Some of them are free, but quite a few of them are expensive. He even took out a loan from his job last year in order to afford more of these courses. While I suppose education is better than shopping, I still think this is excessive. Plus, he hasn't made one extra dollar over the many years of doing all of this. I am tired of listening to him get excited about a new venture for a few weeks and then having it always fizzle out. I think he is being duped. But I know it makes him happy. How can I get him to curb his enthusiasm a bit? -- Enough is Enough, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ENOUGH IS ENOUGH: Have a family meeting with your husband where you talk openly about his fascination with these educational tools. Ask him what he likes about them the most and what he is learning. Come from the position of having real, rather than feigned, interest. It is important for you to understand his perspective.

Talk to him about your budget, and suggest that it would be smart for you two to plan just how much you will spend this year on educational services as well as everything else. Include your own spending habits in the budget. Be forthcoming about anything that you do to excess. Suggest that if you work together toward a shared financial and family goal, you may be able to wean him slightly off of his independent educational projects toward something you can do together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I put some of my daughter's clothing up for sale on Craigslist to try to make a few extra dollars while I clean up my house. She grows so fast that I can't keep her in clothes and shoes. Well, it was a bust. Nobody wrote back to buy anything. I was at her school the other day and was talking to one of the other mothers whose daughter is about the same size. I offered to give her the clothes. It felt weird to ask her to buy them, but I really was hoping to make a few extra dollars. Do you think I should ask her for money after the fact? -- In Need, Boston

DEAR IN NEED: I do not think you should ask this mom for money for clothing that you just offered to give to her. That would be in poor taste. Instead, do more research to find a number of online options for selling children's clothes in the future. Consider putting up notices on a bulletin board at your school or at other schools listing clothing for sale at a low price. Ask moms if they would like to do a clothing swap where no money changes hands but everybody gets clothes that will fit their children. Let your creativity fulfill your needs.