DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a brother who loves to have additional people listen in on personal phone calls you think are private. I wish he would stop -- it has become an annoyance. How do I address this issue without hurting his feelings? -- Can You Hear Me Now?, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?: Your brother is being intrusive and breaking the law. You should let him know directly that you do not appreciate the fact that he has others listening in on your conversations. Tell him that the Wiretap Act exists to protect people's privacy. While the rules vary from state to state, the general point is that one is not allowed to tape or have someone listen in on a conversation without knowledge and permission from all the involved parties.

Now, it is unlikely that you intend to take your brother to court, but pointing out how seriously the government takes the issue of listening to conversations without permission may help your brother wake up to more than his personal interests. If he continues to violate your wishes, refuse to talk to him on the phone. Limit your conversations to face-to-face.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in taking up painting in 2014, but I need help to find the time. I have a full-time job, and I'm active at my church. I am not married and I don't have kids, but I do spend a lot of time with my sister's kids. I don't want to give up that quality time. I want to do this for me. What are some ways I can free up some time in order to take up this new hobby? -- Art for Life, Newark, N.J.

DEAR ART FOR LIFE: It's wonderful that you want to take up painting. It can be a relaxing hobby as well as a liberating one in that it invites you to engage your creativity. Like anything else that is important to you, you need to schedule it into your life.

You could start by doing art projects with your sister's kids. This can get you connected to a paintbrush and other materials in an easy way while allowing you to be with them. Your next step can be to enroll in a painting class. Usually such classes are scheduled once a week, and you will be given assignments to fulfill in between classes. You get to create your own schedule for working on the art projects, which can be lots of fun. What's great is that you absolutely can carve out time to pursue your creative passion as you also live your already full life. It's all about scheduling and commitment. Share your idea with people who love and support you. When you are feeling stretched, they can help urge you to stick with your dream.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a group of friends. How do my friends and I make a friendship connection with a woman that we previously didn't really like? We want to be closer to her now because we realize that out of our friend group, she is the one who isn't really close to anyone. Her father recently died, and we know that she is sad. Even though we don't love her personality because she can sometimes be loud and a little mean, we feel that we should try to be there for her. How should we go about that? -- Ready to be Friends, Boston

DEAR READY TO BE FRIENDS: It is wonderful that your hearts are softening for this friend during her time of need. Reach out to her and let her know how sorry you are that her father passed. Either individually or as a group, invite her to do something social with you. Check in to see how she is managing.

It is possible that she could shed some of her presumed meanness if she believes you and your other friends are authentically interested in being her friend. If she falls back into mean behavior, tell her in the moment when something she says hurts your feelings. When she is loud, let her know. There's a good chance that she doesn't realize her volume.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a personal shopper at the local department store, and he helps me (for free) to find what I need when I go shopping. He is nice and extremely helpful, but there is one thing that drives me crazy. He has halitosis! Nearly every time I work with him, his breath smells. Sometimes I bring mints and share them with him. Other times I try to stay a safe distance away. Apart from this being awkward, I also feel like he should know that he has bad breath. As a salesperson, he needs to be at the top of his game, which includes smelling fresh and healthy. Right? -- Sensitive Shopper, New York City

DEAR SENSITIVE SHOPPER: Your heart is in the right place. What you can do is to schedule a shopping appointment with him and tell him you want to have a meeting before you get started. In a private area, commend him for his great work during the time that you have been using his services. Tell him you have something sensitive you need to share with him. Explain that you have noticed that he often has bad breath, and that you are concerned that it may stand in the way of him getting more sales. Add that he probably should get a physical because halitosis is often a sign of a medical condition. Remind him of how special he is to you and that you are offering this feedback with the greatest of respect.

If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's fine. If so, be honest in what you tell him. Then, continue to shop.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A young family member was just diagnosed with diabetes. Apparently, he almost died because he didn't recognize any of the symptoms he was having. He ended up in the hospital, and I thank God he's better. He was telling us all about it at Christmas dinner, about how he has had to change his diet and everything. It sounded like he had honestly turned a page in his life and was choosing to be healthy. But then, right before he left, he decided to eat a big piece of cake. He is an adult, so he is old enough to make his own choices. But sure enough, he got sick to his stomach and became very worried about his health. I know it is hard to change old patterns, but it was hard to watch. As his cousin, what can I do to support him as he continues on this journey of healthier living? I don't want to see him kill himself. -- Cousin in Need, Chicago

DEAR COUSIN IN NEED: It is great that your cousin confided in you about his health condition. That means he is being as honest as possible about where he is and, as he shared with you, he is attempting to follow the doctor's directions. Being tempted by sweets, especially at holiday time, can be excruciatingly difficult for diabetics. While he ultimately has to make his own decisions, you can support him by checking in on him periodically. Call him and ask him how he is feeling. Look for recipes for diabetic-friendly desserts that you can share with him. Invite him to dinner some time and prepare a delicious meal based on a diabetic diet. Be in his life as an example of how to make healthy choices. Remind him that if he relapses into his bad eating habits, he can go back to better eating choices right away. For recipes and helpful information about this disease, go to www.diabetes.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every week, a group of us carpools to work. Most days I drive because I have the biggest car. I don't have a problem with driving, but I do think that everyone should pitch in for gas. There are five of us who ride together. We live nearby, but work is 40 minutes away. When we first started the carpool, everybody pitched in. Now it seems like they have all gotten comfortable and relaxed, and nobody helps to pay for gas. I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but I don't think that is fair. How can I bring it up without offending anyone? -- Gas Poor, Racine, Mich.

DEAR GAS POOR: You have absolutely no reason to feel reluctant about asking your fellow carpoolers to pay up. You made an agreement from the start, and they need to be reminded of it. Use the fact that it is the beginning of a new year to serve as a perfect time to refresh everyone's memory of your plan. Since you are not the only one driving, decide together how much the contribution should be per day, which you can calculate by the mileage. Have everyone contribute weekly or find another way to get to work.