DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother recently passed away, and I am trying to find a way to honor her. I find it difficult to stir up good memories about my grandmother because our relationship was a bit distant. I have no ill feelings toward her, and I miss her. Can you help me remember the good times? -- Rest in Peace, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR REST IN PEACE: What you may want to do is connect with other surviving family members to listen to their memories. Ask them to share stories from their recollections about doing things with your grandmother -- the highs and the lows. Go through old photos of your grandmother and family gatherings. See experiences through those images. Meditate on your grandmother, and see if an image comes up where you and she experienced a tender moment. If so, hold onto that.

If not, choose to be grateful that she lived and, therefore, you live as part of her bloodline. If there are surviving family members whom you like, you may want to use this time moving forward to become closer to them so that the family ties become closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend at work who I am getting to know better these days. We went to an event the other night, and as we were talking, I learned that she makes considerably more money than I do, even though we have similar titles and roles. I have been at this company for more than 10 years, and she came on only about a year ago. I think it is totally unfair that she would be compensated so much more than I. What can I do to address this? We are a private company, so we don't have government rules to follow or even particular industry standards. -- Short-changed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR SHORT-CHANGED: Unfortunately it is common for the employee who grew up in a company to make less money than someone who is brought into the company after paying dues somewhere else. Is that fair? Not necessarily. But it is not unusual. In fact, some people choose to leave the job they grew up in to gain a competitive edge and a competitive salary in the open marketplace.

Before you decide to pack up and go or poke out your lip, evaluate your situation. Be certain that you have a stellar record. Review your company handbook to learn if there are any standards within your own company regarding promotions and salary ranges. Get a sense of what people in your role are paid at other places, if you can.

Then go to your boss and ask for a raise. Point out your qualifications. Note projects that you have worked on that were successful. Review your history with the company, noting highlights that speak to your value. If you receive pushback, let your boss know that you are aware that another employee with essentially your same job is being paid more. Request a bonus or a raise to make the salaries more equitable. Know that this is not guaranteed to give you what you want, but it will give you an indication of how you are valued there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a gift from a woman who attends my church. She told me it was a friendship gift, and I should not worry about giving her a gift in return. I did not plan to give her a gift in the first place. I am wondering if I should give her a gift because it is the right thing to do. I think she likes me as a potential boyfriend. She is nice and all, but not my type. What should I do? -- Puzzled, New York City

DEAR PUZZLED: The most important thing to do when you receive a gift is to say thank you and mean it. The cycle of giving is complete with acknowledgment. There is no requirement for giving a gift in exchange. Since you don't want to send mixed messages to this woman, simply thank her and let it end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love your column. You have good, commonsense answers for all situations. Thank you for knowing what to say and how to say it. I was happy with the answer you gave about the regifted coffee maker. But I have volunteered at a charity shop for 15 years, and we cannot accept broken items, clothing needing repairs or soiled items. We have no way to fix, wash or mend items. Our only inventory comes from donations, and we exist only because of generous donations. Because of our volunteers and donations, we are able to greatly assist victims of domestic violence. Thank you for mentioning charity shops. But bring us only clean and gently used donations in good working order, please! -- Charitable, Palo Hills, Ill.

DEAR CHARITABLE: Thank you for your letter. Many people wrote in to point out that charities do not appreciate receiving broken items. I am very pleased that you all are so responsive. I did not think my answer through far enough as it relates to what a charity can do with a broken item. Indeed, as you mention here, the same is true for anything that may need mending or may need to be cleaned. I bet that charities regularly receive items that they cannot use, especially at the end of the year and around tax time, when people are either being particularly generous or want to declutter their homes.

So thank you for the reminder to be mindful of what you offer to charities. As you point out, a lot of good work is done by these organizations that exist to support those in need. Your letter reminds me of my philosophy regarding volunteering. I believe that you should work as hard at a task when you are not being paid as if you were being paid a million dollars. The quality of your effort should always be excellent. In that same vein, the quality of the items that you gift to a charity, a friend, a co-worker -- anybody -- should be equal to the quality you would like to receive.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that a colleague's wife had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. I feel so bad for the two of them. They got married only a couple of years ago. They have been going on fun vacations and generally seem to have a good life. I hear him sometimes saying things to his friends in the office about their dates and weekend excursions, and whenever she comes to visit him they look so happy together. So imagine how horrible things are now. She is relatively young -- in her early 40s -- and they are just devastated. I want to reach out to be of support, but I don't know her, and he and I are not close. What can I do to let him know I would be happy to help without being obtrusive? -- Thoughtful, Denver

DEAR THOUGHTFUL: The amount of love you have seen between your colleague and his wife, even from afar, means that the two of them have a strong foundation on which to rely during this tough period. That is a blessing.

At the same time, you are wise to keep your distance given that you two are not close. What you can do is to write your colleague a note or buy him a card that expresses your concern for him and his wife. Add a personal message saying that you would be happy to be of support in whatever way he might need.

If you are not a note writer, you can stop by his desk and tell him that you are keeping him and his wife in your thoughts and prayers. Then you can say that you would be honored to help him in any way that he may need. You can check in with him occasionally, but do not become pushy. Many people are very private as they deal with health crises.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Bed-wetting is not simply a matter of learning to control the bladder, as you suggested to "Concerned." At the age of 7, 2 to 4 percent of children have sleep apnea, and treating the sleep apnea gets rid of the bed-wetting. Your answer was good, but incomplete. The mother needs to take the child to the doctor for an evaluation. Chances are he has a lot of other symptoms that would be cleared up. -- James Donley, DDS, American Academy of Dental Seep Medicine (AADSM), Darien, Ill.

DEAR DR. DONLEY: Thank you for sharing your research with us. I did not know that dentists addressed sleep apnea, and I imagine that many of my readers did not know that, either. It makes perfect sense to bring a child to the doctor for a full physical when bed-wetting is an ongoing problem. Per AADSM's research, symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea that could sound an alarm include snoring, irritability, daytime sleepiness and impaired concentration, among others. For more information on sleep apnea, visit aadsm.org/whatisdentalsleepmedicine.aspx.

According to the Sleep Foundation, children with enlarged tonsils or adenoids may have sleep apnea as well. Read more here: sleepfoundation.org/article/hot-topics/could-my-child-have-sleep-apnea.