DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2014! Happy New Year. Isn't it amazing that we have reached this place in time? I always marvel at the notion that with a new year -- as with each new day -- we are given the gift of refreshing our intention on how we are living our lives.

I usually start an intense reflection of my life a few weeks before the New Year so that when this day comes, I feel clear about where I am headed. Whether you had the foresight to think ahead or not, you are here, in 2014. What do you want to be your signature for this year? What mark do you want to make on your life and the lives of those around you as you move into each new day?

These are important questions if you intend to choose to be conscious and intentional in how you live. So many people are so busy that they behave by rote. They get up in the morning, get ready for work, do their jobs, come home, eat/feed the family, watch TV, go to sleep, get up and start over again. Different activities may be sprinkled in, depending upon who you are and what day it is, but for many it is possible to go about your day without really engaging your spirit.

But imagine if you did not take that route. There is a book written many years ago by M. Scott Peck, called "The Road Less Traveled." In it, Peck talks about the choices that people make and how these choices impact their lives. He elaborates on how much more difficult it may seem to examine your life as you are living it, how much more daring it may seem to make a turn into the unknown, even when your heart is urging you to do it, when the known seems so much safer. Yet, if you have the courage to step fully into your own life and listen to the voice inside that is attempting to direct your steps, what kind of a life might you lead?

Gone are the days, for the most part anyway, when people get to do the same job for 50 years and then retire. Stability in terms of economic resources, work and even family life looks different in 2014 than it did some years back. Norms have changed. Expectations have expanded dramatically. Patience is measured differently in this fast food, media consumption world.

And yet, I believe that to find peace and focus in your being, you must take the time to be still and listen to your inner wisdom, and make the decision to follow that wisdom each day. This does not have to feel like hard work, either. By taking 10 minutes to sit and meditate, you may be able to redesign your entire life. When you are crystal clear about how you want to spend your day as you begin it, you will be amazed at how productive you can be. Want to try it? That's my plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I cannot afford to go out on New Year's Eve because restaurants, clubs and lounges are planning to charge top dollar to bring in the New Year in their respective venues. How can I bring in the New Year without going broke in the process? -- Where's the Party?, Chicago

DEAR WHERE'S THE PARTY?: Plan an activity at home with a few friends. Make the food yourself, or have others chip in. Buy your wine and spirits at a discount wine store if possible. Turn on the music and have a great time. You can theme your party or just keep it low-key.

Honestly, many people enjoy the smaller events even more than the big and sometimes loud activities at public establishments. Do not feel that you are missing out by staying in. Instead, turn an at-home event into a night to remember! Your friends will thank you for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I appreciate your response to "Snubbed" from Baltimore, whose husband would not buy her a gift. My husband was the same. His family simply did not celebrate holidays the way I did, so he really did not understand the expectation. I was truly hurt by this until I decided to make certain I was heard and advocated for myself. I remind my husband several weeks before each holiday, birthday and anniversary. I give him a list of things I would like, making sure to include differing price ranges. Sometimes it is chores, sometimes trips, sometimes just a dinner alone. I continue to remind him, and it becomes a humorous game. My list will look like this:

To show you love me, you could purchase me my favorite chocolates. If you really love me, you can take me to my favorite restaurant. If I am the love of your life, you can take me on a weekend trip. Guess which gift I typically receive?

Hope this helps Snubbed bring lightness to the situation, playfulness to her marriage and the gift she is looking for. -- Make it Fun, Chicago

DEAR MAKE IT FUN: What a great idea! You absolutely do have to figure out how to open your spouse's eyes to your likes and dislikes. Otherwise, your marriage can be an exercise in frustration and hurt feelings. That goes both ways, by the way! Women often falsely believe that they know exactly what their husbands want and need.

I vote for asking your spouse and genuinely listening. Instead of superimposing your desires onto your partner, find out what his or her desires are and do your best to honor them. If you need to make a game, like yours, so be it.

Being angry and moping serves no one. Put on your thinking cap, get creative and design your life so that your partner becomes excited about making you happy. Now wouldn't that be nice?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was really looking forward to seeing my brother and his family for the holidays, but I just learned that they decided not to visit this year. It turns out that my brother and his wife are getting divorced. They have been married for 18 years. They have three kids, and they really do seem like a happy couple and family. I had no clue. I talk to my brother frequently, so I don't know how I missed this. I feel like he should have told me. My feelings are all mixed up. I'm sad for them and mad that he kept it a secret. I feel like calling him and cursing him out. I know that's the wrong thing to do. What should I do? -- Beyond Sad, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BEYOND SAD: When people in a family get divorced, it definitely affects more than the husband and wife. It is one of the most difficult crises that families suffer. And yet, it is the main concern of the couple. They probably are choosing not to visit family because they are not ready to talk about the demise of their marriage. Typically, when people break up, they aren't on the best of terms, which makes it even harder to attempt to communicate clearly with others. They do not want to be judged or interrogated. This is likely why your brother did not tell you; he shut down.

Yes, you can reach out to him, but only in love, not with a barrage of questions. You can call him or write to him, letting him know that you are sorry for his situation and that you love him and want to be there for him in any way you can. The only question you should ask right now is if there is any specific way you can support him. Otherwise, wait for him to come to you. During your family time, suggest that family members respect his privacy during this sad period and be willing to offer love without talking about details that they don't really know or understand anyway.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always gone to the same holiday party with my family forever. We went when we were just out of college, and we still go, even into my 50s. Well, my husband doesn't want to go anymore. He said enough is enough. He loves my family and tolerates the range of people we "make nice" with at the event, but he wants to do other things with his time. I know my family will be disappointed. How should I handle this? My husband is still coming to be with the family over the holidays, just not to the party. -- Enough, Portland, Ore.

DEAR ENOUGH: Family traditions can be wonderful, and they can sometimes be stifling. Your husband's change of heart suggests that this activity no longer works for him. Tell your family that you two will not be attending, but then be fully present at the events where you do go. Show that you are as connected to your family as before, just differently.