DEAR READERS: By now, we all know that legendary hero Nelson Mandela has passed, at age 95. Mandela served his time on the planet fiercely, bearing a dignity that deserves celebration and personal reflection for all of us. There are many lessons for us as Nelson Mandela's life story is unpacked. Without question, he became a symbol of courage, perseverance, clarity of focus and sacrifice. Mandela was a man who stood up against apartheid in his South African homeland and was imprisoned as a result of it.

I was in college when the groundswell to "Free Nelson Mandela" was building. There were songs. There was organized protest. Aware, courageous Americans pushed to get multinational companies to divest from this African nation that was oppressing its darker-skinned people. The fight was difficult.

Learning about apartheid in South Africa opened my eyes to a modern reality that I naively thought had died with the vestiges of slavery so many years ago on these shores. In South Africa, the continued oppression that blacks experienced at the hands of their white brethren was reprehensible. And thanks to the dynamic work of many supporters around the world, as well as his own work behind bars, the imprisoned Nelson Mandela would ultimately be freed after 27 years of incarceration.

What he did after stepping out of prison is what will fill history books forevermore. Instead of leading a revolt against his oppressors, this warrior chose a strategic path to reconciliation. Mandela's evolved vision for his homeland was one where blacks and whites would work together to build a country where fairness could be enforced and black South Africans could assume their rightful place in their own country. Choosing peaceful strategy was refreshing for all to see. And in 1994, when Nelson Mandela became the first democratically elected president of South Africa, the world watched peace in action.

Indeed, Mandela received the Nobel Peace Prize for his visionary work, and during all of his years after captivity, he worked to ensure that peace would guide his footsteps and those of all he touched.

As I think about the imagination that this great leader must have had in order to even dare to dream of his country in such a bold new fashion, it makes me think about all of us right now. Some of us believe we are stuck in relationships, jobs, friendships or other situations that feel unbearable. Many people live with the false concept that they cannot change the circumstances of their lives -- at least not without some kind of violent twist. Taking pause, as Mandela did, allows you the space to see differently.

We can all remember and be inspired by Nelson Mandela for his ability to see the greater good beyond the oppression that was holding him and his people down. If you put yourself in his shoes for just a moment, it may help you to view your life differently. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for a third of his life because he voiced his convictions and demanded social justice for his people. When he was miraculously freed, he continued his fight on behalf of those people using love as his sword. Let Mandela be our example for how to step out of whatever situation is hurting us and claim what we deserve with grace, integrity and conviction. Rest in Peace, Madiba!

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you get a gift that you know was a re-gift -- and it does not work? My boss gave me a coffee pot, and when I plugged it in, it wouldn't work. The box said that the coffee pot came with a variety of coffee, and none of it was in there. I think she got it as a gift and meant to take it back to the store but forgot. My boss knows that I love coffee, and I think that's why she thought to give it to me. Anyhow, it backfired, because it was busted. I don't want to embarrass her, but what do I do? Do I say something or not? -- Not Gifted, Miami

DEAR NOT GIFTED: It sounds like your boss had good intentions even though they didn't work out. I would not mention to her that the coffee pot didn't work. You can try to get it repaired, give it to charity or throw it out if you think it cannot be repaired.

As far as re-gifting in general, I like it up to a point. If you were given something that you know another would appreciate AND it is in good working condition, by all means share it. What you shouldn't do is pretend that you bought it when you didn't. You may even say that the item was given to you and you thought that the person in question would appreciate it. Being honest in the gift-giving process is what makes it work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old son was invited to a sleepover, and he wants to go. He is worried, though, because sometimes he still wets the bed. I do not want to embarrass him by saying something to the host mom, but how do I handle it to make sure he doesn't spoil their furniture if he has an accident? -- Concerned, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR CONCERNED: Rest assured that your son is not the only one who is late to the party on this point. Unfortunately, it can take some children longer to be able to control their bladder than others. A practice you can start at home is to limit liquid intake to a couple of hours before bedtime. Make sure he knows to go to the bathroom and empty his bladder before getting in the bed.

Invest in pull-up diapers if he is small enough, or even the adult-size diapers that are used for adults with incontinence. He can wear loose-fitting pajama bottoms so no one is the wiser. This will help him to feel more confident going to sleep at the party. Do not keep up the use of the diapers at home, though, because the goal is to get him to know when to get up and relieve himself. It may take a little extra time, but eventually he will be able to do it.

He will likely greatly appreciate you getting him the diapers for the party, so that he can feel confident among his peers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a woman I used to work with is running one of my favorite cosmetics companies. That is really big news, and part of me wants to congratulate her. But a bigger part of me hates her. She was horrible to me and plenty of other employees when we worked with her. She targeted a whole group of us for downsizing, and, rather than calling it what it was, she started questioning our job performance. Can I prove any of this? Not exactly, but I know it happened. We did not sue or anything. But I mention this backstory because it makes my blood boil every time I think of it. So imagine how conflicted I was when I learned that she got this big fat job at MY favorite company. Part of me wants to write to the owner to say, "Watch out. She's a snake." The other part says just leave it alone and say nothing. What do you think? -- Mad All Over Again, Chicago

DEAR MAD ALL OVER AGAIN: Leave well enough alone, as my mother used to say. Since you chose not to call her on what you thought was unethical or illegal behavior when you had the chance, it doesn't make sense for you to pose hypotheticals now. Leave her alone. If you learn of any wrongdoing from her company in the future, that's when you can add your voice. Otherwise, stay out of it.

You should also know that she may have been following company policy when she orchestrated the downsizing at your old job. She may have come up with the plan, or she may simply have been the voice for the company's needs. Point is, what she did was probably bigger than her. Holding a grudge against her does you no good.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son used to be on the football team at his school, but he got kicked off because of poor grades. My husband and I have been telling him for months that if he doesn't get it together, he will suffer consequences. Now he is moping around the house feeling sorry for himself. That isn't helping him either. He needs to buckle down and do his schoolwork. How can we convince him that this is a good idea? -- Worried, Milwaukee

DEAR WORRIED: Sometimes it takes defeat for someone to wake up to a shortcoming. Sometimes it takes more than that. Get your son evaluated for any learning disabilities, and find out what kind of support he needs to get up to speed on his classes. Invest in a tutor for the subjects where he is weak, if you can. Instead of scolding him, talk to him about his future and about the need to excel, even in areas that do not interest him. Tell him true stories from your life or of others he may know when working hard and struggling through difficulty paid off. He needs to be inspired to see that staying focused and deciding he can achieve is worth it. If the love of the game is still in him, wave that flag, too. He may be able to enjoy playing football again if he gets his grades up.