DEAR HARRIETTE: I just reconnected with a childhood friend whose family took in my sister and me when we were little. We hadn't seen each other for more than 40 years. It was a wonderful reunion, except that my childhood friend felt guilty for not having gotten in touch sooner. I tried to let her know that there are no hard feelings, but it was not easy for her to accept. After a while, the conversation got awkward. I really want to stay in touch with her, but I hope she doesn't belabor the past. Her family was kind to us when we were young, and it would be really cool to get to know each other as adults. The only thing is, I don't want to have to listen to the guilt trip every time. How can I get her to chill so we can just talk? We don't live in the same town, so it will take effort on both of our parts. -- Reconnecting, Orlando, Fla.

DEAR RECONNECTING: Who knows what your friend remembers about your past? What you can do is assure her that what you are grateful for is the present and the opportunity to get to know each other now. Make recommendations for how you can stay in touch. You can talk on the phone, Skype and visit on occasion if you think you would like that. By demonstrating that you want to make the effort to be in her life, you may be able to allay her fears and any demons she is harboring from the past.

At some point, you may have to listen to some of her memories, but focus on the here and now at first so that you all can grow to like each other as adults. Then see how things unfold.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is out of control. Every time we visit with people, he makes lewd comments about me and constantly uses sexual innuendo. I find this demeaning and terribly embarrassing. I have told him many times how much I dislike this behavior, and he just laughs at me and continues. The last time we were together with a group, he really went off and tried groping me in front of people and just generally acting like an ignorant teenager. I can't stand it and am not sure how to get him to stop. Please help! -- Disgusted, New York City

DEAR DISGUSTED: Since your husband blows off your comments about his behavior, you need to give him a different kind of wake-up call. Next time you go out, use your camera phone or camera to record him in action. He may need to see how foul his actions are in order to believe you. Your commentary won't be nearly as important if you can hit "play" and show him what he has been doing. Hopefully, that can start a healthy conversation. If not, you may need to seek therapy to get support in turning a respectful corner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my children are at home during the weekends, they don't think they need to bathe. My kids are teenagers, and my son is an athlete. Translation: They all need to bathe, or else my house smells sweaty.

Not only do they not bathe, they also do not put away their dirty clothes. They have become slobs. I did not teach them that they could have weekends off, but somehow they got it into their heads that this is OK. How can I get them to go back to practicing good hygiene? I can't take the smell or the lack of regard for me and my home. What can I say without starting a big argument? -- Clean Up, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR CLEAN UP: It is time to reset house rules. Sit down with your children and be direct with them. Tell them that you realize that they want to relax on the weekend, but that they have taken it too far. Point to the dirty clothes. Move on to the lack of cleanliness on their part. Be honest -- they are not bathing, and it is affecting everyone. Break it down so that they understand that their poor hygiene is making the house smell, and you are putting your foot down on this one.

Even though they are teenagers, you may have to take away privileges if they brush you off. Good hygiene is important at every stage in life, including the wildly independent teenage years. Give your children weekly chores and responsibilities, and limit their ability to do as they choose until they have completed their tasks, including bathing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was just reading your column about the store customer who was being disrespected. It reminded me of a store here in Rochester where a salesperson would "bird-dog" you while you were shopping. I don't know if he was worried about his commission or whether you might be shoplifting, but he would stand right behind you while you were looking at merchandise, even looking over your shoulder. One day my brother got sick of it, turned face-to-face with the guy and asked him: "Am I in heat or something?" The guy walked away. -- Sick of It, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR SICK OF IT: Sometimes face-to-face confrontation can work to get a salesperson to back off. Other times, it can cause more friction. I am all for letting the employee or the manager know that you feel you are being followed. When you don't say anything, you run the risk that the employee believes this behavior is acceptable.

There shouldn't be such a fine line between attentiveness and imposition. Salespeople are supposed to be trained to care for their customers, not intimidate them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is 33 years old, and he is now living with my parents and me. I am 25 years old. This is his first time living in the United States -- we are from the Caribbean. He has been with us for about a month and a half. I've tried my hardest to get to know him and to help him get used to living in this new environment; however, he doesn't speak, respond or let me know if he is enjoying his time here. A few times I have been kind of insulted by him. I don't know how to get along with my brother. He rarely talks. I can't get a read on what he likes or doesn't like. It's awkward being around him, and I realize I have given up on getting to know him. He doesn't help out at home even though he isn't working. He just seems in another world. How can I move past not understanding him and start getting to know him? -- Frustrated, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Since this is your brother's first time in this country, he may be acclimating to a very different way of life. Though you didn't say it, there is a chance that he may not talk often because you and he have different accents. Sometimes people feel self-conscious at first about speaking differently. He is a grown man living with parents and a sibling. That is naturally awkward.

This is not to say that you should excuse bad or insulting behavior. If your brother says something to you that you find offensive, tell him. Your parents should define house rules and enforce them.

As far as getting to know him, give it time. He has been there for a very short period, although long enough for you to be annoyed. Give him space. Live your life and watch as your relationship unfolds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 26 and about four months pregnant by a guy who I was cordial with but who isn't my boyfriend. My friends and I believe this guy is bipolar. One day he would be happy about the baby; the next day he threatened to take me to court. Because of my finances, I had to move out of state to live with my mom, and I'm not sure if I should plan my future with this man in mind. I don't know if I should relocate to live with him and start a family or continue the journey as a single mom. Right now he says he doesn't like me or feel the need to support me even though I am unemployed. He doesn't feel the need to be involved until the baby is born. I feel uncomfortable trying to pursue this with him to start a family when he is so unstable, but I am afraid to do it alone. -- Afraid, Lexington, Ky.

DEAR AFRAID: I hate to say this, but your story is a clear reminder that it is not smart to become intimately involved with someone who is not your committed mate. Perhaps this man has mental illness. You could recommend that he see a doctor. Do not move in with him now if you see him as unstable. Instead, line up resources that can support you and your baby, and prepare for the baby's arrival. Pay attention to his actions so that you know what you are up against.