DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating someone for a month, and we have a great connection and communication. He seems to be very comfortable sharing and being vulnerable with me; however, he seems to have sudden mood swings, gets snappy and distant, and withdraws suddenly. I know he's having (un)employment issues and often talks about his difficult upbringing, which he is trying to forget, but I don't know how much of this behavior to deal with before I am putting myself in too much emotional danger. We have talked about it before, but it has happened again. How do you know when to continue being patient and when enough is enough? -- Where to Turn, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WHERE TO TURN: One month is not long enough to truly know a person. You are still in the early stages of learning about each other. What you have described sounds like depression. There are different types of depression, sometimes caused by circumstances, sometimes based on neurological challenges. If possible, recommend to your boyfriend that he go to the doctor and get a physical. Point out that you have noticed that he has been going through major mood swings and you are concerned about it. Remind him of how much you care about him and that you want him to be healthy. A mental health evaluation could be very helpful.

Encourage him to get that help. If he refuses and continues to be emotionally volatile, you may have to distance yourself from him for a period of time. You need not threaten him. Instead, let him know that you care about him and that you care about yourself. Make it clear that it upsets you when he is so emotionally unpredictable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My male friend is gay, but I think he is interested in having a relationship with me. I am female. He seems jealous when I mention other guys. What's the best way to initiate a conversation about this without embarrassing him or myself? (Maybe my gaydar is off.) -- Off-Kilter, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR OFF-KILTER: This would not be the first time that two friends -- heterosexual and homosexual -- could fall for each other. While I am not an expert on this, I have witnessed a number of friends who have found themselves in a space of intimacy that grew out of their genuine love for each other. Unfortunately, the instances that I have witnessed did not turn out well, mainly because it was almost a suspension of reality for them to be intimately engaged for the long haul.

That said, you can't know unless you talk about it. Be brave and ask your friend what's up. Point out that you are getting the sense that he is interested in you romantically. Tell him you thought he was gay. Ask him to define what is happening. Talk about where you both are and what you want for your friendship. Do know, however, that it is unlikely that love, no matter how real, can trump nature.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an uncomfortable conversation with my 9-year-old daughter the other day. We were talking about intimacy, about hugging and touching. We were hugging each other and then clarified that not everyone gets to touch your body. She then said that she is the only one who gets to hug and touch me, because I don't like having my husband touch me. Yikes. She is right -- he and I haven't gotten along intimately for a long time. But I was shocked by her comment and not sure how to react. I want my daughter to know what a healthy marriage looks like. I know that it includes some kind of intimacy, at least hand-holding. But what happens with my husband and me is never that. He immediately goes to groping, which I cannot stand. What do I say? What do I do? -- Not Intimate, Denver

DEAR NOT INTIMATE: Your daughter called you on something that you and your husband must address. Rather than saying anything to her right now, you need to talk to your husband. Share what happened. Talk about your thoughts and feelings about the lack of intimacy between the two of you. If you can, recall times when you were closer. What did you enjoy about each other back then? Talk about how you might find your way back to intimacy now.

Your daughter takes her cues based on your behavior. You and your husband need to fortify your bond. That includes breaking down the barricade to intimacy. Since it sounds like the fires haven't been burning for some time, you may want to seek professional help to talk through your challenges, your interests and your desires for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has started presenting his Christmas list to us, and he has really gone overboard. Yes, he goes to a fancy private school, but I thought we were instilling solid values in him. We have always given modest gifts for the holidays, but this year his list has every new electronic gadget on it. I know that many of the kids in his school come from wealthy families, so it's no big deal for them to buy anything their kids want. But that's not the point for me. I want my son to understand that just because others get everything, that doesn't make it right, and he isn't "less than" if he gets fewer gifts. -- Drawing the Line, Chicago

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Your job as a parent is to constantly teach your son what your values are. Of course, since you placed him in a school where wealth prevails, the lessons must include how to be in that environment and not be envious. One thing that you may consider is giving your son one of his luxurious desires rather than the lot of them. If you can afford one item, you should be able to satisfy his desire without going overboard. If not, get your son what you can afford and teach him that every family does what it can to celebrate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin called to say she was coming to town for the weekend and asked if she could stay with me. I live in the Big Apple, so I understand that it is expensive to stay here. Plus, she's my cousin. So I agreed, even though it was short notice.

What happened was ridiculous. My cousin came to town with three of her friends. She hadn't mentioned bringing people. They went out for most of the day, and then all three of them came and crashed at my place. I live in a studio apartment. I was taken aback by her behavior. I feel like she totally abused the privilege of staying at my place. What should I say to her? -- Outdone, New York City

DEAR OUTDONE: By all means, contact your cousin and tell you want to talk to her. Ask her how she enjoyed her stay when she came to visit. Tell her that you were very surprised that she came to your home with friends in tow and had them all spend the night. Explain that had she asked you if this was OK, you would have been reluctant to agree to four houseguests. Point out that she did not ever tell you that she was coming with others. Be clear that you believe she took advantage of your generosity by bringing her friends without clearing it with you.

I will add that because you live in New York City, this could happen again with other friends or family. What you should do in the future is to be crystal clear about your boundaries and stick to them. When you don't mind a big sleepover, go for it. When it is an imposition, draw the line.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is coming to visit me, and my house is a wreck. I have been working seven days a week for months now, and I have done very little cleaning. I know my mother is going to be disappointed in me. I have about a week to get it together, but that's not enough time. What can I do to save face? -- Dirty, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR DIRTY: Map out the days between now and when your mother will arrive. Clean the common areas first. Start with the bathroom and the kitchen. Be thorough in cleaning these areas. Throw away absolutely everything that you do not need. If you have a storage area in your house, use that as a location to put all of the items that you can stash away to clear space. Feel comfortable locking that door or making it clear to your mother that certain areas are off-limits.

If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper to come and assist you in your cleaning duties. If not, enlist the support of any friends you may have who would be willing to help you to make your home tidy.