DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with my sister and her kids. My sister works, but she is a single mom and has received food stamp assistance for years. When the government was shut down, she lost that assistance for a while, and now it is happening again. I work part time, and we are all struggling to make ends meet. It is really scary, and we don't know what to do. My sister is not lazy. She works two jobs. I'm not lazy either. I keep looking for a more stable job, but I haven't found one yet. We don't know if we are going to have enough money to put food on the table for the kids. What can we do? -- On the Brink, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR ON THE BRINK: For 47 million people who receive support through the government's Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), i.e. food stamps, it is true that their benefits are to be reduced -- not eliminated. Nonetheless, it will be tremendously difficult for many families. You make a point that many do not know about SNAP recipients, namely that many of them work. The financial support they are given is supplementary and not intended to be the sole resource for feeding the family.

That said, if this has happened to your family, you will need to get creative with your meals. Buy more rice and beans, as they are filling and stretch to feed more people. Simplify your meals to create hearty options in soups and stews that will be filling and less expensive. Do not resort to affordable fast food. It is not good for your body.

Research food banks through churches, community centers and other outlets that offer free or discounted food for families in need. And definitely write to your members of Congress to complain about your loss and describe how devastating it is.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been trying to develop a project with a group of really interesting women. We all have good intentions, I think, but so far it is not working. There are eight of us in the group, and I suspect that with so many alpha women in the mix, it is impossible to get everyone to listen and take action. After several months of this, I am tired of trying. How do I bow out gracefully? -- Alpha Girl, Chicago

DEAR ALPHA GIRL: If your gut tells you that this project is not working, or at least is not for you, it is time to move on. You should be professional and clear with the others about where you stand and why. Tell them that you respect them and whatever the idea is that you have been developing, but that you believe that the group is unwieldy due to its size. Acknowledge that you do not feel that continuing with the group is a wise use of your time. Thank everyone for their ideas and their passion, and wish them well. This is fine to say to them on a group call. What's more important, though, is to document your exit in writing.

DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day, a day worthy of pause and reflection. Throughout our country's history, men and women have stood up and accepted the call to serve our country and protect our borders and people. Many of our families are touched in one way or another by the armed services.

I am a big believer in contemplating the reason for a holiday so that you can consciously honor it. In the case of Veterans Day, even if you feel angst about the reasons for war, chances are you also feel gratitude and empathy for those who put their lives at risk.

A practice that I recommend to celebrate veterans is for each of us to think of someone in our own lives who is or was a veteran. Remember that person's story and share it with others.

When I think of veterans, I first think of my father and my uncle. My father, the Honorable Harry A. Cole, was a lieutenant in the U.S. Army in World War II. He didn't even speak at his Morgan State college graduation, where he was valedictorian, because he had already enlisted in the Army and had been shipped overseas. He and my mother's brother, Wendell G. Freeland, a Tuskegee Airman, used to swap stories about their time in the armed services. On the one hand, they enjoyed the freedom of traveling globally and being admired by people in foreign lands. Unfortunately, they also experienced the insidious power of racism, even within their own leadership, as World War II occurred during segregation. The good news is they prevailed.

Today, at 88 years old, Uncle Wendell continues to share memories of his years as a Tuskegee Airman. And in his Pittsburgh community, organizations have been showering him with honors for his life's work, which started when he was drafted during World War II. After the war, he became a civil rights attorney determined to help those in need of a champion. Like him, thousands of veterans across the country continue to share their stories of triumph and despair.

On this powerful day that is brimming with stories from those who have lived through all manner of challenge, take the time to reflect and reach out to veterans you know and those you don't know to say thank you. Visit a veterans' hospital and listen to the people there share their memories. Be patient if you end up hearing painful sagas of loss or sadness. Remember that these people have gone through so much.

In recent wars, injuries have often been to the brain. Thousands of people are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. By listening, you can be of tremendous support to a veteran.

Finally, if you are aware of families in your community who have lost family members due to war or who have loved ones overseas now, reach out to them and let them know that they are not alone and that we appreciate the tremendous sacrifice they are making on behalf of our country. For any veterans in need of support, visit mirecc.va.gov/coaching/index.asp.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went shopping the other day in a fancy dress shop, and I felt like the salesperson was watching my every move. It gave me the creeps. I've been seeing all this talk about black people being profiled first by cops and now in fancy stores, but I didn't think it would happen to me. Eventually, I left the store without buying anything, because it made me feel uncomfortable to be followed around. Part of me feels like just leaving did nothing, because the salespeople probably don't even realize how offensive their actions are. But I was afraid I might get arrested or something if I said anything. What should I have done? -- P.O.'d, Chicago

DEAR P.O.'D: It is good that you realize that simply walking out is not enough. Part of the problem with racial profiling is that many people do not realize that they are doing it. Awareness is step one toward ending this offensive behavior. What you can do now is find out the name of the manager and/or owner of the store and write a letter stating what happened and how you felt. Explain that you feel you were treated not like a viable customer, but more like a potential thief.

If you know of others who have had that experience at that store, you may want to have them sign your letter. There is power in numbers. But one letter is enough. If you like, you can hand-deliver it. You can also send a copy to your city government or the press. Most importantly, let the management know that you felt disrespected and ask for an apology.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom's birthday is next month, and I really want to go home to visit her. The problem is, I can't afford it. I am a college student, and I have tons of debt. I don't have the money to buy a plane ticket -- or even a bus ticket, for that matter. I feel like my mom would really like to see me on her birthday. We haven't seen each other for months. Would it be horrible for me to ask her to send for me to be with her on her big day? I don't know what to do. -- Longing for Mom, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR LONGING FOR MOM: Call your mother and tell her that you are missing her terribly and want to spend her birthday with her. Ask her if she would consider sending for you. She will likely be thrilled to know that you want to be with her on her special day. Chances are, if she can afford to send for you, she will. If she cannot, she will still know that the desire is there to be together. Send her a lovely card and talk to her when her birthday arrives.