DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I think things are going well, something bad happens. I really do try to treat people nicely, do a good job and stay honest, but it doesn't seem to matter much. Like, I just finished paying off most of my bills only to get a huge bill from the Internal Revenue Service. I thought I had filed properly, and now this. I don't have any extra money. How am I ever going to climb out of this? I feel so overwhelmed and sad. -- Frustrated, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: As you have already experienced, life has many twists and turns. I was taught that the best way to manage through them is to stay grounded and not to attach oneself to the highs or the lows. That means not getting too stressed out when faced with debt.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed, make a plan. This should begin with reaching out to the IRS and asking for a payment plan that will allow you to be responsible for what you owe and pay it over time. This is a common relationship that the IRS makes with taxpayers, so you need not be afraid.

In other aspects of your life, look carefully to see what is working, and identify where you can improve. Then approach your list of improvements one by one. By focusing your efforts and by being realistic about addressing challenges in their smallest components, you set yourself up for success. Whenever you begin to feel worried or anxious, make a plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to run for office in my school government. I know this is an honor, but I am scared. I pay attention to the news, and I have seen how horrifically our elected officials behave. I used to have political aspirations until I started paying attention. Now I feel like there isn't anything I would like to do less. Still, I'm being given a chance to try it out. If I do run, how can I make sure that it doesn't get ugly? -- Politically Ambitious, Boston

DEAR POLITICALLY AMBITIOUS: Congratulations on your vote of confidence, as evidenced by whoever has nominated you to run for school government. It is an honor and a privilege. The ideals upon which our American government was founded are lofty, to be sure. And, as you have witnessed, the reality can look very different. But that is no reason to avoid politics. Instead, it can be your motivation for getting into the game.

Every elected official -- whether in student government or otherwise -- has the opportunity to live and work with integrity. Everyone has the choice of behaving in a dignified, respectful manner. Everyone can learn how to collaborate on ideas and agree to disagree on others. By starting in school government, you can get a taste of how government works. Go for it. Run for office. If you win, make the conscious choice to behave with dignity. Set an example for others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son's nanny is constantly late picking him up. We set the time specifically every day, and she doesn't seem to think that being 15 to 30 minutes late is a big deal. We do. The other day, my son went on a field trip, and his nanny was the only one who was not at the school when the bus arrived. When I spoke to her about it, she brushed it off, saying that another mom took my son and got the kids ice cream while waiting for her to arrive. Really? I do not pay her to have other people pick up my son. How can I get her to be on time? I need her, and I need her to be punctual. -- Seeking Punctuality, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SEEKING PUNCTUALITY: Have a face-to-face meeting with your nanny and discuss her lateness. Explain that you consider it very serious that she is regularly late. Note that it is good for her to have established a network of support with other nannies and moms, but that you do not expect her to have to use it. As with any other job, hers has a specific start time. Ask her what has been happening that has caused her lateness. Ask her if you can do anything to help her be prompt. Clarify that moving forward, you expect her to be on time. If ever there is a challenge or conflict, tell her you expect her to inform you ASAP. If she cannot change her ways, you may need to replace her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After reading your advice to "Guilty," who was considering revealing her affair to her husband, I agree wholeheartedly with your advice. If she needs to unload the feeling of guilt, she should make an appointment with a counselor.

I met a man who was divorced by his wife because he felt the need to tell her of an affair he had had a year earlier. The pain and grief that ensued after his admission was so great that he lost everything: his family, his home and his job (the affair was with his female boss). The company fired them both.

Then he was diagnosed with cancer. He told me he felt that the turmoil and stress he had experienced had contributed to his cancer. If he had the choice to do it again, I am sure he would not have uttered a word. -- Think Twice, Chicago

DEAR THINK TWICE: I realize that the question of whether to tell about a past affair in a marriage is wrought with mixed feelings for many people. On the one hand, there is the desire to be honest and forthright when you want the marriage to continue and to be healthy. On the other hand, there is the question of why you want to tell in the first place. If it is over and there are no children, no STDs and nothing keeping you and the other person connected, I believe that bringing it up actually aggravates a dead and buried situation.

As occurred in your friend's situation, life can unravel after the fact -- perhaps unnecessarily. Sometimes the need for forgiveness can be filled between you and your God.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started dating a woman who really likes to play video games. You would think I would be happy about this wonderful discovery; however, I am not a big video game player. My girlfriend says playing video games really relaxes her, but I prefer to go to a lounge to have a drink or two in order to relax. I really like the woman I am dating, but I need help to develop patience in playing video games with her. Do you have any suggestions on how I can accomplish this feat? -- Not a Gamer, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR NOT A GAMER: Who says that you have to do everything together -- at least all the time? What you can do for starters is to accept that your girlfriend has a big interest in video games. Give her space to play them when she is excited about that. You can also have her teach you her favorite game. Though gaming is not your favorite activity, do your best to learn it and find fun in it, if only because it brings the two of you together.

Similarly, invite your girlfriend to put down the game and go with you to a lounge. Make it a date night where you get to spend time talking and enjoying each other's company. If you both make space to respect and enjoy each other's preferences -- at least some of the time -- you may come to a place of acceptance that makes your life together much more enjoyable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband needs your help. Our household includes my husband, me and three girls. They are 3 months old, 4 years old and 5 years old. I can only imagine how my husband feels being the only male in our house. Between him being a dean at the local high school and running our household, he does not really have any male friends. My husband needs an injection of testosterone in his life. As his wife, how can I help him find a good man to become his friend? -- Find a Friend, Chicago

DEAR FIND A FRIEND: Have you talked to your husband about this? You may be making a presumption that is inaccurate. You and your daughters are his family, and he could be perfectly content with the limited universe that defines his life and relationships.

Before sleuthing to find him a friend, find out if he wants that. If he is feeling claustrophobic thanks to so much estrogen in the house, encourage him to take up a hobby or sport that he enjoys that is typically male-dominated. He will be in the company of other men if he engages in such an activity. But be mindful not to push him out of his family cocoon.

It might be wiser for you to identify other couples you both like and create shared experiences with them.