DEAR HARRIETTE: My son's nanny is constantly late picking him up. We set the time specifically every day, and she doesn't seem to think that being 15 to 30 minutes late is a big deal. We do. The other day, my son went on a field trip, and his nanny was the only one who was not at the school when the bus arrived. When I spoke to her about it, she brushed it off, saying that another mom took my son and got the kids ice cream while waiting for her to arrive. Really? I do not pay her to have other people pick up my son. How can I get her to be on time? I need her, and I need her to be punctual. -- Seeking Punctuality, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SEEKING PUNCTUALITY: Have a face-to-face meeting with your nanny and discuss her lateness. Explain that you consider it very serious that she is regularly late. Note that it is good for her to have established a network of support with other nannies and moms, but that you do not expect her to have to use it. As with any other job, hers has a specific start time. Ask her what has been happening that has caused her lateness. Ask her if you can do anything to help her be prompt. Clarify that moving forward, you expect her to be on time. If ever there is a challenge or conflict, tell her you expect her to inform you ASAP. If she cannot change her ways, you may need to replace her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After reading your advice to "Guilty," who was considering revealing her affair to her husband, I agree wholeheartedly with your advice. If she needs to unload the feeling of guilt, she should make an appointment with a counselor.

I met a man who was divorced by his wife because he felt the need to tell her of an affair he had had a year earlier. The pain and grief that ensued after his admission was so great that he lost everything: his family, his home and his job (the affair was with his female boss). The company fired them both.

Then he was diagnosed with cancer. He told me he felt that the turmoil and stress he had experienced had contributed to his cancer. If he had the choice to do it again, I am sure he would not have uttered a word. -- Think Twice, Chicago

DEAR THINK TWICE: I realize that the question of whether to tell about a past affair in a marriage is wrought with mixed feelings for many people. On the one hand, there is the desire to be honest and forthright when you want the marriage to continue and to be healthy. On the other hand, there is the question of why you want to tell in the first place. If it is over and there are no children, no STDs and nothing keeping you and the other person connected, I believe that bringing it up actually aggravates a dead and buried situation.

As occurred in your friend's situation, life can unravel after the fact -- perhaps unnecessarily. Sometimes the need for forgiveness can be filled between you and your God.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started dating a woman who really likes to play video games. You would think I would be happy about this wonderful discovery; however, I am not a big video game player. My girlfriend says playing video games really relaxes her, but I prefer to go to a lounge to have a drink or two in order to relax. I really like the woman I am dating, but I need help to develop patience in playing video games with her. Do you have any suggestions on how I can accomplish this feat? -- Not a Gamer, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR NOT A GAMER: Who says that you have to do everything together -- at least all the time? What you can do for starters is to accept that your girlfriend has a big interest in video games. Give her space to play them when she is excited about that. You can also have her teach you her favorite game. Though gaming is not your favorite activity, do your best to learn it and find fun in it, if only because it brings the two of you together.

Similarly, invite your girlfriend to put down the game and go with you to a lounge. Make it a date night where you get to spend time talking and enjoying each other's company. If you both make space to respect and enjoy each other's preferences -- at least some of the time -- you may come to a place of acceptance that makes your life together much more enjoyable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband needs your help. Our household includes my husband, me and three girls. They are 3 months old, 4 years old and 5 years old. I can only imagine how my husband feels being the only male in our house. Between him being a dean at the local high school and running our household, he does not really have any male friends. My husband needs an injection of testosterone in his life. As his wife, how can I help him find a good man to become his friend? -- Find a Friend, Chicago

DEAR FIND A FRIEND: Have you talked to your husband about this? You may be making a presumption that is inaccurate. You and your daughters are his family, and he could be perfectly content with the limited universe that defines his life and relationships.

Before sleuthing to find him a friend, find out if he wants that. If he is feeling claustrophobic thanks to so much estrogen in the house, encourage him to take up a hobby or sport that he enjoys that is typically male-dominated. He will be in the company of other men if he engages in such an activity. But be mindful not to push him out of his family cocoon.

It might be wiser for you to identify other couples you both like and create shared experiences with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my personal accolades get in the way of my dating life. When I go on dates, the men are more interested in my work than expressing interest in my personal life. I plan to go on more dates to try to find Mr. Right. I have a good job that pays well, but I do not play that up. I do not think Mr. Right has to have a particular job or a certain amount of money in the bank. I am looking for someone who is interested in the same things as me, but on almost every date, the conversation goes to my job and then nothing happens. They just want to talk about my work, and it rarely ends up with a second date. (I work with a lot of big-name people because I am a publicist.) I would like to know how should I present myself the next time I go out. -- Presentation is Everything, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING: Look for potential dates who do the same things that you do for fun. Focus the conversation on your shared activities. When the conversation veers toward work, ask your date to talk about himself. People love to do that. Ask him about his work, family and dreams. Share your dreams.

Or you can even say that you do not want to talk about work on the first date. Make it a game between the two of you.

When you do talk about your work, avoid talking about celebrities. Describe the work itself, not the people. Talk about the skills needed, the challenges you have faced and the rewards. Do not lie about your work, but limit discussion of boldface names.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend from my church who has three children, aged 5, 4 and a newborn. Money is tight for her family, and they haven't figured out how to manage everything. They feel like they cannot afford to have three birthday parties each year. How often should a child have a birthday party during his or her childhood? -- Celebrate Good Times, Chicago

DEAR CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES: The number of birthday parties is completely up to the parents. What is possible for those who want annual parties is to streamline the party to make it affordable. Instead of a large group of family and friends, have your children invite a best friend or even a couple of friends over for a sleepover. You make the food, including the cake, and provide easy entertainment at home.

By reducing the number of participants in a birthday celebration, you cut down on the cost significantly. Have the celebration at home or at a free venue like a park or playground. Make the food yourself. Add up the savings!