DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is returning to college as an adult. She just reported incredible grades on her midterms. It sounds like she is doing really well. I am happy for her, but also shocked. She has very poor language skills. For all the years that I have known her, she has not been good at basic stuff like subject/verb agreement, spelling or writing. She tells me that she is writing papers left and right and getting A's and B's on them. I hate to say this, but I question the quality of the school. Unless someone else is writing her papers, I am sure that they are filled with errors. I worry that my friend is going to graduate and falsely believe that she has all the skills she needs because of these grades. Should I say anything? -- Befuddled, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BEFUDDLED: Leave it alone unless she brings it up. The good news is that your friend knows she needed to expand her knowledge. That's why she went to college. It may be that her school is not at the top of the charts in terms of quality of education, but it is where she has matriculated. Support and encourage her. That she is pushing to do her best is fantastic.

If she mentions any struggles with language or anything else with her classes, that could be your window to make a suggestion. You could recommend a grammar book like the classic "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White, or a website such as englishgrammar101.com. I stress, though, that you do this only if asked.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agreed to work on a project for a friend, mainly because I didn't want to be rude. But I do not have time to do the work. My job is very busy, and I have been working overtime for about a month. This is supposed to last through the holidays. My friend keeps calling to ask me for a status report, and I have been ducking his calls. I feel awful, but I won't be able to get to it until January. How do I tell him? I know he is going to be upset with me. -- Overbooked, New York City

DEAR OVERBOOKED: The worst thing you can do is say nothing. Avoiding your friend's calls is far worse than admitting that you misjudged your availability. By saying nothing, you are being insensitive and unprofessional.

Speak up. Contact your friend right away and tell the truth, starting with the fact that you had every intention of completing the responsibility you accepted in a timely manner. Apologize for dropping the ball. Give a realistic date by which you can complete the task OR admit that you will not be able to complete the work at all and give it back. Be honest.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is five months pregnant. This is our first baby, and we are very excited. As of late, my wife is having mood swings that I do not understand: She is smiling and happy and the world is a peaceful place one minute, and in the next breath she begins to cry for no reason. I do not know how much longer I can take her mood swings. They are driving me crazy. What should I do? -- Having a Baby, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR HAVING A BABY: The wonder of pregnancy affects both the pregnant mom and the father of the child. It is natural that your wife is going through mood swings. Her body is changing rapidly, and her hormones are responding to the pregnancy, causing all manner of shifting in her body and being.

Some women go through these changes dramatically in the first trimester; others experience them through the entire pregnancy. Either way, it is important to understand that your wife is not taking anything out on you intentionally. To the extent that you can remain calm and supportive, the better off everybody is.

To protect yourself, you may want to institute personal timeouts when things get volatile. You can also be extra supportive. Help her with a task that may seem like a burden to her. Show her that you love her in small ways that allow her to notice your help without having it seem like you are meddling.

For more ideas (many of them fun) go to: hisboyscanswim.com/265/mood-swings-the-survival-guide-for-the-father-to-be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I loved your response to the man feeling out of place with his wife's powerful co-workers: Start up a discussion with other spouses. I also had a few suggestions to help him feel more comfortable with himself. He could try taking an etiquette course to reduce the chance of embarrassment at fancy functions, as well as taking up some hobbies of his own that others will likely also have an interest in, such as golf, tennis, sailing or even joining a book discussion group. With a little more knowledge, he may gain a great deal more confidence! -- Nicole, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR NICOLE: As one who teaches etiquette, I am a huge fan of people brushing up on their etiquette skills. You are right. Knowing which fork to use, what to wear to a formal and what the various codes of conduct are for different situations can be enormously helpful in getting someone to relax in an uncomfortable situation.

Your ideas about hobbies are great. In general, when you have a passion that you are pursuing, you automatically have a topic to discuss. When your heart is in it, you come alive when introducing the subject to others. This is a fantastic idea on many levels, including the fact that it gives the spouse a chance to find independent fulfillment that he can, in turn, share.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received an email from a married woman saying she would pay me $5,000 if I help her have a baby. The woman told me that there would be no strings attached, and I would not be responsible for child support. This request bothered me because I do not see myself as the type of man who takes the money and runs. Turning down a $5,000 offer is tough, but I did it. I am out of work right now and super low on cash, but I just don't think I could handle it. I want to have my own family some day. Do you think I made the right decision? -- Pay for Play, Newark, N.J.

DEAR PAY FOR PLAY: It's good that you followed your heart. You sound like the kind of man who would not be able to father a child and not support it. That is a good thing!

Rather than being angry at the request, you can consider it a compliment. Your friend obviously thinks you are an admirable man who would father a good child. Given that she is married, she is either trying to escape her marriage or attempting to have a child when her husband is unable to get her pregnant. Even if that is the case, that should be addressed by the two of them, not by her on the sly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You provided some good tips to the wife who was in a marriage where she and her husband bicker a lot. My husband and I had fallen into this pattern and were exhausting each other. What worked for me was timing. I don't talk to my husband a lot when he gets home from work. Also, I try to be kind even when I am mad or annoyed. I know this sounds old-school, but it works. It sounds like the husband is very stressed. The wife should pray for her husband and for patience. If her husband doesn't have a hobby, suggest that he take up golf or something else.

Also, I would suggest that the wife find a hobby or do volunteer work if she doesn't work outside the home. When I was laid off of my part-time job several years ago, that is when the arguments got worse.

I now substitute in the local schools. I also do volunteer work in the community. I have also put my application on file for jobs in the field that I was working in in case a position becomes open.

Stop stressing and relax. Enjoy your life. It isn't meant to be miserable. -- Wise, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WISE: What wonderful advice. By the way, "old-school" doesn't mean bad, at least not in my book. Many people who have been married for a long time have figured out ways to create peace and joy in their marriages. I appreciate learning from people who have lived the experience. Thank you!