DEAR HARRIETTE: I received an email from a married woman saying she would pay me $5,000 if I help her have a baby. The woman told me that there would be no strings attached, and I would not be responsible for child support. This request bothered me because I do not see myself as the type of man who takes the money and runs. Turning down a $5,000 offer is tough, but I did it. I am out of work right now and super low on cash, but I just don't think I could handle it. I want to have my own family some day. Do you think I made the right decision? -- Pay for Play, Newark, N.J.

DEAR PAY FOR PLAY: It's good that you followed your heart. You sound like the kind of man who would not be able to father a child and not support it. That is a good thing!

Rather than being angry at the request, you can consider it a compliment. Your friend obviously thinks you are an admirable man who would father a good child. Given that she is married, she is either trying to escape her marriage or attempting to have a child when her husband is unable to get her pregnant. Even if that is the case, that should be addressed by the two of them, not by her on the sly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You provided some good tips to the wife who was in a marriage where she and her husband bicker a lot. My husband and I had fallen into this pattern and were exhausting each other. What worked for me was timing. I don't talk to my husband a lot when he gets home from work. Also, I try to be kind even when I am mad or annoyed. I know this sounds old-school, but it works. It sounds like the husband is very stressed. The wife should pray for her husband and for patience. If her husband doesn't have a hobby, suggest that he take up golf or something else.

Also, I would suggest that the wife find a hobby or do volunteer work if she doesn't work outside the home. When I was laid off of my part-time job several years ago, that is when the arguments got worse.

I now substitute in the local schools. I also do volunteer work in the community. I have also put my application on file for jobs in the field that I was working in in case a position becomes open.

Stop stressing and relax. Enjoy your life. It isn't meant to be miserable. -- Wise, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WISE: What wonderful advice. By the way, "old-school" doesn't mean bad, at least not in my book. Many people who have been married for a long time have figured out ways to create peace and joy in their marriages. I appreciate learning from people who have lived the experience. Thank you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister told me that her friend, who is getting ready to undergo chemo treatment, has an airfare deal that she wants to use before undergoing the procedure. My sister has requested that I ask my male friend if they can stay at his house in Miami -- with me. I have never stayed at this man's house. We date occasionally, and I feel awkward asking this of him. Since I've never stayed there, it seems weird. I would be asking him if I can stay there with my sister and her friend, strangers to him, when he might not even be there. (To be fair, he did offer my sister and me his house a year ago.) Meanwhile, I can't afford to buy my own ticket, and my sister said she would consider charging my ticket on her credit card if I pay off the bill when it comes. Should I ask my friend? -- Wanting to Help, Baltimore

DEAR WANTING TO HELP: Do you realize what you are saying? Your sister is attempting to do something nice for her friend, but -- and this is a big but -- she has not thought her plan through. Given that your relationship with this man is casual, it would be a lot to ask for him to welcome you three to his home. More, though, is the fact that you cannot afford to go. If you cannot buy the ticket now, will you be comfortable paying for it next month? Also, do you have funds for eating and taking care of yourself once you get to Miami?

Talk to your sister about her idea and the challenges inherent in it. Tell her that you certainly would like to help her friend, but this plan is not manageable. If she can afford to pay for the whole thing, you can broach the topic with your friend. If you do, be upfront about the request and clear that you are perfectly fine if he declines.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received an email from my ex-wife saying that her dad passed away. I have some mixed feelings about attending the funeral. I do not want to have people thinking that I am trying to get back with my ex-wife, nor I do not want to cause a scene. Should I go to pay my respects or feel miserable and not attend? -- Pay respects, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR PAY RESPECTS: Since your ex-wife reached out to you to tell you of her father's death, reach back and ask her if she would like for you to attend. She may have told you out of pure courtesy, or she may appreciate your support.

Since you are conflicted, let her be your guide on this. It is possible to remain friendly when you divorce. If you go, be attentive. Greet her family and offer your condolences. Let her know that you are sorry for her loss and are there to offer your support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was really frustrated at work because of a project that went wrong on my watch. My assistant dropped the ball big time. Recently, she made another giant mistake. She brushed it off like it was not a big deal, and I lost it. I yelled at her. I apologized, but I feel bad. How can I fix this? -- Out of Control, Cincinnati

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Schedule a review meeting with your assistant where you calmly talk about what happened. Go over the details of the project and explain what was expected and what didn't happen. Point out, with specificity, what her responsibilities were and how she failed to complete them. Also let her know what the consequences have been due to her actions.

Apologize again for your outburst. Explain that you were frustrated and your fuse was short. Let her know that your intention was not to raise your voice and that you will do your best in the future to remain calm. Make it crystal clear to her that she has to step up and be more proactive and responsible. This should include letting you know if she suspects that a project is going wrong.

Your assistant may also need more detailed coaching through the steps of her duties. Assume that she wants to do a good job and give her support through the steps. Encourage her to believe that she can achieve her goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would have answered "Friend in Deed," the reader wanting to give money to a friend, a little differently. Gratitude is an emotion that does not wear well. While Friend might want to help her friend, if it makes the about-to-be-evicted friend feel obligated with no chance to return the obligation, it may well be the end of the friendship. However benevolent Friend may feel now, she may sometimes want to be treated specially for her prior act -- even without being aware of it. Unless she has enough money that the gift is truly a drop in the bucket for her, and it didn't sound like it -- she mentioned that it was her savings -- I would urge her to offer it as a loan with a plan for repayment. That way the obligations are clear on both ends of the act of kindness. -- Practical, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL: Thank you for your input. I have seen this situation pan out in a multitude of ways. Mainly, I have seen strain when friends help each other with debt. And yet, often all people have are friends and family to turn to when they are in a financial crisis.

Your ideas are sound. The challenge there is that the one receiving the loan may never be able to pay it. In that case, friction likely will ensue if deadlines go unmet. Someone did write in a while ago saying that when the debtor is patient and has the luxury to wait, the other has a chance over an indefinite period of time to repay the loan.