DEAR HARRIETTE: I was really frustrated at work because of a project that went wrong on my watch. My assistant dropped the ball big time. Recently, she made another giant mistake. She brushed it off like it was not a big deal, and I lost it. I yelled at her. I apologized, but I feel bad. How can I fix this? -- Out of Control, Cincinnati

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Schedule a review meeting with your assistant where you calmly talk about what happened. Go over the details of the project and explain what was expected and what didn't happen. Point out, with specificity, what her responsibilities were and how she failed to complete them. Also let her know what the consequences have been due to her actions.

Apologize again for your outburst. Explain that you were frustrated and your fuse was short. Let her know that your intention was not to raise your voice and that you will do your best in the future to remain calm. Make it crystal clear to her that she has to step up and be more proactive and responsible. This should include letting you know if she suspects that a project is going wrong.

Your assistant may also need more detailed coaching through the steps of her duties. Assume that she wants to do a good job and give her support through the steps. Encourage her to believe that she can achieve her goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would have answered "Friend in Deed," the reader wanting to give money to a friend, a little differently. Gratitude is an emotion that does not wear well. While Friend might want to help her friend, if it makes the about-to-be-evicted friend feel obligated with no chance to return the obligation, it may well be the end of the friendship. However benevolent Friend may feel now, she may sometimes want to be treated specially for her prior act -- even without being aware of it. Unless she has enough money that the gift is truly a drop in the bucket for her, and it didn't sound like it -- she mentioned that it was her savings -- I would urge her to offer it as a loan with a plan for repayment. That way the obligations are clear on both ends of the act of kindness. -- Practical, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL: Thank you for your input. I have seen this situation pan out in a multitude of ways. Mainly, I have seen strain when friends help each other with debt. And yet, often all people have are friends and family to turn to when they are in a financial crisis.

Your ideas are sound. The challenge there is that the one receiving the loan may never be able to pay it. In that case, friction likely will ensue if deadlines go unmet. Someone did write in a while ago saying that when the debtor is patient and has the luxury to wait, the other has a chance over an indefinite period of time to repay the loan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin had a meltdown moment. She was hired for a new job after months of unemployment. After her first day, she quit because she was freaked out by the terms of the job and the intensity of it. She took the job because she is afraid to be broke, but she felt she couldn't stay there. I told her that I thought it was rash to quit so quickly. She agrees, but it's too late now. I suggested that she send a note to the business owner apologizing for her behavior but not asking for the job back. I think she should keep looking until she finds something that she can commit to. She is wondering if she should beg for the job back even though she didn't like it. -- Shake Her Out of It, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SHAKE HER OUT OF IT: Unless your cousin felt she was in danger, it was rash to quit so quickly. However, as you pointed out, she quit already -- it is hard to reset that button.

Your cousin needs to sit still for a few minutes, review what she wants to do with her life and come up with a strategy. Sure, it would be great to get the perfect job, but when you are unemployed, any job can often be better than none. Your cousin needs a reality check. Is she interviewing? How close is she to securing other job opportunities? How long will her unemployment last?

She should also ask herself why she reacted so dramatically. What happened that made her quit so abruptly? She needs to search her soul to determine how she reached that precipice so that she does not do it again. Desperation, especially about lack of employment, can cloud people's vision. Finding calm in the middle of emotional stress is difficult, but it is the only way she will be able to get back on track. Suggest that she do some relaxation exercises, including yoga and deep breathing. As she calms down and looks at her life through sober vision, she will have a better chance of figuring out her next steps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is a response to the woman who doesn't want her children to participate in Halloween activities for religious reasons. I would suggest her church have a "Trunk-or-Treat" event. This is where church members circle their cars with their trunks open, and children visit each car for Bible stories, candy, fellowship, etc. -- Christian Solution, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR CHRISTIAN SOLUTION: I like this idea in that it makes a creative twist on the popular activities of the holiday. Rather than drawing attention to the dark side of Halloween that is often celebrated, this activity creates space for children to have fun as it reinforces their faith.

I will add, though, that it will likely spark conversation about the overall Halloween holiday. Parents need to be ready to talk about why they have created their own version of the holiday and what troubles them about the mainstream tradition. There is always a teachable moment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I am doing too many things. I work out, I work, I attend college, I have homework and I hold a position in leadership in my church. I feel like I am wearing myself thin. I wake up tired, and I go to sleep exhausted. I need help managing my life because I would like to take a minute to refresh myself. Do you have any suggestions? -- Need a Boost, Chicago

DEAR NEED A BOOST: Get a monthly calendar -- preferably a paper one -- and fill in all of your deadlines and responsibilities that can be time-stamped. Now, write down all of the rest of your duties week by week. Notice the rhythm of your schedule and look for spaces, even a half hour here and there, where you are not already booked.

Next, in the free spaces, write things like "Take a nap," or "Go to the gym," or "Drink water," or "Call a friend." The point is that you must schedule in fun and relaxation or it will never happen.

You may also need to revise your schedule. If you are doing too much over an extended period with not enough rejuvenation time, you may have to cut back on something. When you have midterms, for example, you may want to ask someone else to fill your role at church. Look for ways to strike a balance and know that this is an ongoing process.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Another option for "Holding On" in Jackson, Miss., whose husband wants her to cancel the cable so they can pay the mortgage is to try the local library. As well as having thousands of wonderful books, most public libraries have a large selection of DVDs that you can take out with your library card for FREE! They have fairly recent ones as well as classics. Good luck! -- Been There, Done That, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BEEN THERE, DONE THAT: Thank you for your affordable and classic idea. In this day and age of being overwhelmed sometimes by technology, many people forget the public library system. It is a tremendous resource for people of all ages. And you are right -- it is possible to provide a wide variety of entertainment for yourself and your family at no additional cost if you utilize this valuable community resource.

I do want to point out to anyone who is in the space that Holding On was dealing with, namely not having enough money to pay bills and not being willing to cut off pleasure. Getting creative about pleasure is important. More important, though, is getting serious and possibly creative about paying your debts. Escaping through pleasurable outlets, whether free or for a fee, can be a distraction when paying attention to real debt, and finding a way to reduce it should be top of mind.