DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I am doing too many things. I work out, I work, I attend college, I have homework and I hold a position in leadership in my church. I feel like I am wearing myself thin. I wake up tired, and I go to sleep exhausted. I need help managing my life because I would like to take a minute to refresh myself. Do you have any suggestions? -- Need a Boost, Chicago

DEAR NEED A BOOST: Get a monthly calendar -- preferably a paper one -- and fill in all of your deadlines and responsibilities that can be time-stamped. Now, write down all of the rest of your duties week by week. Notice the rhythm of your schedule and look for spaces, even a half hour here and there, where you are not already booked.

Next, in the free spaces, write things like "Take a nap," or "Go to the gym," or "Drink water," or "Call a friend." The point is that you must schedule in fun and relaxation or it will never happen.

You may also need to revise your schedule. If you are doing too much over an extended period with not enough rejuvenation time, you may have to cut back on something. When you have midterms, for example, you may want to ask someone else to fill your role at church. Look for ways to strike a balance and know that this is an ongoing process.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Another option for "Holding On" in Jackson, Miss., whose husband wants her to cancel the cable so they can pay the mortgage is to try the local library. As well as having thousands of wonderful books, most public libraries have a large selection of DVDs that you can take out with your library card for FREE! They have fairly recent ones as well as classics. Good luck! -- Been There, Done That, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BEEN THERE, DONE THAT: Thank you for your affordable and classic idea. In this day and age of being overwhelmed sometimes by technology, many people forget the public library system. It is a tremendous resource for people of all ages. And you are right -- it is possible to provide a wide variety of entertainment for yourself and your family at no additional cost if you utilize this valuable community resource.

I do want to point out to anyone who is in the space that Holding On was dealing with, namely not having enough money to pay bills and not being willing to cut off pleasure. Getting creative about pleasure is important. More important, though, is getting serious and possibly creative about paying your debts. Escaping through pleasurable outlets, whether free or for a fee, can be a distraction when paying attention to real debt, and finding a way to reduce it should be top of mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three siblings. We're all good kids, thanks to my amazing, supportive and loving parents. One brother and sister had their rebellious moments, but no family is perfect. Well, none but my friend's family (in his opinion). He is close with my family, and he recently made a negative remark about my parent's parenting style. He asked me why my parents didn't discipline my siblings, implying that if they did, my brother and sister wouldn't have rebelled. I was infuriated with his comment. Why did he say this, and why am I feeling such anger toward him? -- Undone, Cincinnati

DEAR UNDONE: The people closest to you are the ones who can hurt you the most, even when they don't mean to. It is easy to look at someone else's life and make value judgments. No parent is perfect, so it is certain that your parents made some mistakes along the way. That is life.

What is also true is that even the best parents cannot prevent their children from making mistakes and sometimes rebelling. Part of growing up is making decisions, not all of which may be sound.

Forgive this man for his words. It is doubtful that he intended to hurt you. If he brings it up again, though, tell him that he hurt your feelings and that you do not want to discuss your family with him further. Be there for your siblings and attempt to help them through their rough spots. Also, tell your parents and ask for their guidance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Because of the government shutdown, I've been out of work. I have a wife and son to support. We have money saved, but if the shutdown continues, we are going to be in trouble. What can I do in the meantime to be more productive? -- Lost, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOST: I pray that by the time this column is printed, the shutdown will be over. If not, here is some advice that may help you. I daresay it can be beneficial in any case for people who find themselves out of work.

Be proactive and contact all of your creditors to alert them that you may have to pay your debts late due to the shutdown. Ask for leniency from each of them. For example, you can ask that late fees be waived. You can even ask to skip a month's payment of your utilities or other bills. Some of your creditors may agree to revised terms.

Make a list of your skills. What exactly can you do that others may need? Do you know a trade? Are there local businesses that need temporary support? Get creative as you peruse the landscape in your neighborhood to see where there is a need. If you have the skill that can fill that need, go for it and proactively present yourself as the solution to the problem.

Politically, write to your member of Congress and to the president to express your concerns about the shutdown. Ask them to resolve their differences so that your family and so many others will stop hurting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past few weeks, I have received some unsolicited, racy emails from a married woman who I know from my neighborhood. The emails included illicit pictures and intimate details about her marriage. She told me that she is no longer happy with her husband and she is thinking about getting a divorce. I told her that I would not be the reason for her to divorce her husband. We have the same mutual friends. I do not want to cause any trouble. How do I navigate through this situation? -- Dot-Com, New York City

DEAR DOT-COM: Do not respond to the emails at all. Delete them. If you have her phone number, call her and tell her that you are sorry that she is in an unhappy space but that you cannot help her. Tell her that you find her emails offensive and ask her to stop sending them.

Be clear that you cannot fix her situation and that you absolutely will not engage in a relationship with her. Wish her well with her situation and step back. If you see her in the neighborhood, definitely speak to her, but do not touch her. Also, refrain from telling other people about her emails. Do not spread news that you would prefer didn't exist. Stay neutral and stay away from her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy your column. My wife and I faced the same situation as "Friend in Deed" many years ago when my best friend fell on hard times. My wife and I helped him get back on his feet financially with a fairly large monetary gift. We never looked at it as a loan. We never asked for it back. But over the following 10 years or so, we would get a card or a note every once in a while from my friend, and it would always include a check for anywhere between $10 and $100, along with a heartfelt thank you. It took 10 years, but he repaid all of the money we gave him. He's still my best friend and would be even if he hadn't paid it back. Your advice was spot-on. Never look at money given to a friend in need as a loan, but as a gift with no strings. That friendship is far more valuable than money. You can always make more money, but once a friend is lost, that friend is usually lost forever. -- Still and Always My Friend, Aurora, Ill.

DEAR STILL AND ALWAYS MY FRIEND: What a wonderful story. I strongly believe that, whenever possible, when you help folks in need, especially those who are close to you, you make your offer as a gift, not a loan. That way, you are not emotionally attached to being repaid, and your friendship doesn't have to suffer.

It is not always possible, however, for one to make a financial gift as opposed to a loan. If you find yourself in that situation, be mindful not to give so much that it creates a hardship for yourself. That is unwise regardless of how much you care about the recipient.