DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three siblings. We're all good kids, thanks to my amazing, supportive and loving parents. One brother and sister had their rebellious moments, but no family is perfect. Well, none but my friend's family (in his opinion). He is close with my family, and he recently made a negative remark about my parent's parenting style. He asked me why my parents didn't discipline my siblings, implying that if they did, my brother and sister wouldn't have rebelled. I was infuriated with his comment. Why did he say this, and why am I feeling such anger toward him? -- Undone, Cincinnati

DEAR UNDONE: The people closest to you are the ones who can hurt you the most, even when they don't mean to. It is easy to look at someone else's life and make value judgments. No parent is perfect, so it is certain that your parents made some mistakes along the way. That is life.

What is also true is that even the best parents cannot prevent their children from making mistakes and sometimes rebelling. Part of growing up is making decisions, not all of which may be sound.

Forgive this man for his words. It is doubtful that he intended to hurt you. If he brings it up again, though, tell him that he hurt your feelings and that you do not want to discuss your family with him further. Be there for your siblings and attempt to help them through their rough spots. Also, tell your parents and ask for their guidance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Because of the government shutdown, I've been out of work. I have a wife and son to support. We have money saved, but if the shutdown continues, we are going to be in trouble. What can I do in the meantime to be more productive? -- Lost, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOST: I pray that by the time this column is printed, the shutdown will be over. If not, here is some advice that may help you. I daresay it can be beneficial in any case for people who find themselves out of work.

Be proactive and contact all of your creditors to alert them that you may have to pay your debts late due to the shutdown. Ask for leniency from each of them. For example, you can ask that late fees be waived. You can even ask to skip a month's payment of your utilities or other bills. Some of your creditors may agree to revised terms.

Make a list of your skills. What exactly can you do that others may need? Do you know a trade? Are there local businesses that need temporary support? Get creative as you peruse the landscape in your neighborhood to see where there is a need. If you have the skill that can fill that need, go for it and proactively present yourself as the solution to the problem.

Politically, write to your member of Congress and to the president to express your concerns about the shutdown. Ask them to resolve their differences so that your family and so many others will stop hurting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past few weeks, I have received some unsolicited, racy emails from a married woman who I know from my neighborhood. The emails included illicit pictures and intimate details about her marriage. She told me that she is no longer happy with her husband and she is thinking about getting a divorce. I told her that I would not be the reason for her to divorce her husband. We have the same mutual friends. I do not want to cause any trouble. How do I navigate through this situation? -- Dot-Com, New York City

DEAR DOT-COM: Do not respond to the emails at all. Delete them. If you have her phone number, call her and tell her that you are sorry that she is in an unhappy space but that you cannot help her. Tell her that you find her emails offensive and ask her to stop sending them.

Be clear that you cannot fix her situation and that you absolutely will not engage in a relationship with her. Wish her well with her situation and step back. If you see her in the neighborhood, definitely speak to her, but do not touch her. Also, refrain from telling other people about her emails. Do not spread news that you would prefer didn't exist. Stay neutral and stay away from her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy your column. My wife and I faced the same situation as "Friend in Deed" many years ago when my best friend fell on hard times. My wife and I helped him get back on his feet financially with a fairly large monetary gift. We never looked at it as a loan. We never asked for it back. But over the following 10 years or so, we would get a card or a note every once in a while from my friend, and it would always include a check for anywhere between $10 and $100, along with a heartfelt thank you. It took 10 years, but he repaid all of the money we gave him. He's still my best friend and would be even if he hadn't paid it back. Your advice was spot-on. Never look at money given to a friend in need as a loan, but as a gift with no strings. That friendship is far more valuable than money. You can always make more money, but once a friend is lost, that friend is usually lost forever. -- Still and Always My Friend, Aurora, Ill.

DEAR STILL AND ALWAYS MY FRIEND: What a wonderful story. I strongly believe that, whenever possible, when you help folks in need, especially those who are close to you, you make your offer as a gift, not a loan. That way, you are not emotionally attached to being repaid, and your friendship doesn't have to suffer.

It is not always possible, however, for one to make a financial gift as opposed to a loan. If you find yourself in that situation, be mindful not to give so much that it creates a hardship for yourself. That is unwise regardless of how much you care about the recipient.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend told me yesterday that she has been seeing a guy for a month now. I was thrilled to hear the news because, at 21, she has never been with anyone before. Then she told me the guy is married. I want to be supportive and nonjudgmental, but I don't agree with her actions. I told her to be careful, and she insisted that she knows what she's getting herself into. She really likes him and apparently he likes her, too. She says that she has nothing to lose from the situation -- after all, she's not the married one -- and she is aware that something may eventually happen, but she's not concerned because she's enjoying herself in the present. I think she's so completely blinded by her infatuation that she hasn't rationally considered the consequences. What do I say to her? I don't want her to get hurt, but do I let her make her own mistakes? -- Afraid for Friend, Shreveport, La.

DEAR AFRAID FOR FRIEND: You have no control over your friend, no matter how much you love her. You may have influence, though. When you talk next, check in to see how things are going. Express your concern once more about what she is doing. Tell her that you love her and that you are concerned for her, since this man is unavailable to commit to her. Add that you are worried about her safety.

In situations like hers, when the spouse finds that her husband is cheating, you never know how she -- or he -- will react. Suggest that she watch a few Lifetime movies. While fictional, that network shows some of the worst outcomes of such liaisons. Unfortunately, our police departments are filled with stories of violence sparked by adultery. That should be plenty of ammunition without you having to bring up the morality issue.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who constantly comments on how I spend my money. When she notices that I have bought a new dress or that I got my hair done, she always asks me how much it cost. Then she makes nasty comments about how I spend too much money on things. I don't think my spending is any of her business. I can afford to spend money the way that I do. I also save. I have a good job and have figured out how to afford my lifestyle. She is a single mom with a low-paying job. I get that she can't do it, but that is not my problem. I never talk about what I have, but I do answer her questions. What can I do to handle this better? -- Uncomfortable, Racine, Mich.

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Stop answering your friend's questions about prices. When you answer, you make it her business in a way because you give her information that she can evaluate and comment on. She seems to be living vicariously through you and then crashing emotionally because she realizes yours is not her life. To get her to snap out of her vicarious reverie, you may need to tell her that her running commentary on your possessions hurts your feelings. Sometimes the direct approach is required, even if it may seem harsh at first.