DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married to my husband for nine years, but I am no longer in love with him. I met my husband in college, and we married four years later. The first five years of our marriage were amazing. We went on vacations, we traveled on a regular basis and we were living the life. However, something changed in our relationship. We've been on a steady decline for the past five years, and I would love to recreate the magical moments of our past. How can I make my relationship as it once was? -- Where Did the Love Go?, New York City

DEAR WHERE DID THE LOVE GO?: Take a few minutes and travel down memory lane. What specific activities did you and your husband enjoy the most? Which vacations do you treasure? Perhaps you can schedule a vacation with him to one of those magical destinations.

Simpler still is to create "date night." Many happily married couples schedule a weekly date where they dedicate time to each other. You can go to the movies, out to dinner, for a long walk. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it does have to be a commitment you make to your marriage to enjoy each other. Occasionally you can extend an invitation to another couple to join you for date night so that you have fun together. Making the choice to reignite your marriage is what will bring back the joy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am taking a Spanish class to complete my general requirements for graduation, and I do not feel like I am getting the necessary information from my professor. Last week, I asked him a question about Spanish sentence structure because I wanted to make some kind of sense on how to write a sentence in Spanish. My professor blew off my question and told me to memorize the photocopied lessons instead. I asked my professor if there is a book I could use as a reference; he did not recommend a book. The semester is almost halfway over, and I really would like to have a working understanding of Spanish, but I don't know what to do. -- Como Se Llama?, Newark, N.J.

DEAR COMO SE LLAMA?: Ask your teacher if you can schedule a conference with him. In a private meeting, talk to him about your concerns. Find out what the expectations are for students in your level. If you are in an entry-level Spanish class, you may not be expected to write full sentences. Find out the specifics. If you believe that you do not have the ability to execute the requirements, ask him for guidance on how to do that.

Know that memorization is a part of learning. If you understand the material that he has asked you to memorize and you follow his instruction, you may actually find that you will be learning the basics of sentence structure. Review the pages in question with him to gain clarity on the content there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who I believe has a drinking problem. My friend has been through a divorce, and his parents moved into his house after theirs burnt down. At first he drank only when he went to parties, but as of late, my friend is drinking at all times of the day. He takes a shot before he brushes his teeth in the morning. I am concerned about my friend. I saw it with my own eyes. I stayed over at his house one night and saw him drinking at like 7 a.m. How can I help him through this time of transition? -- Being a Friend, Memphis, TN

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Of course you know that drinking will not make your friend's problems go away. Unfortunately, you can't make them disappear, either. Bring this up to your friend. When you witnessed him drink before brushing his teeth, you could have said, "What are you doing, man? Do you know what time it is?" That may have jarred him into reality.

In as sober a time as you can find him, tell him that you are concerned about him. Be honest and upfront about your observation of his drinking. Ask him if he would be willing to go to Alcoholics Anonymous to get support to stop. You can introduce the idea, but he has to take the step.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm writing about the woman who is with an overly frugal guy who made her pay when they went to an expensive restaurant. This man will never splurge. The woman must be prepared to carry her own weight if she continues this relationship. I married a man like this. He is not only frugal, but is a taker. He loves to receive gifts and have people do things for him, but he never reciprocates. He has never given me a nice gift.

If I had not been able to financially carry my own weight, the marriage would not have lasted 31 years. He is easy to get along with as long as I pay my own way. I choose to continue this marriage because I've been married twice before. In other words, I can't be picky. -- Don't Do It, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR DON'T DO IT: Thank you for your candor. I think you are right in pointing out that people are the way they are. If you are a person who does not spend a lot of money, especially not on others, that behavior probably won't change after you get married. So, as the spouse, it is wise to accept that and figure out how to create your own joy where it is lacking in your relationship or teach him little things that will be fulfilling for you.

In your case, I hope that you have found joy in your 31 years of marriage. I happen to think that regardless of how many failures you may have experienced in life, you still deserve to be loved the way that you want and need to be loved.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I give advice for a living and have done well for myself. I am often invited to speak at conferences and am usually well received. What I am unsure of is where to draw the line when people ask me for advice randomly. At these functions, someone almost always comes up to me with a problem. If it is simple, I respond -- in part because that's the reason I was invited to be there in the first place. The least I can do is give back to people. But often it feels like a drain, like the people really should be hiring me rather than just sponging off of me. How can I strike a balance between being generous and charging for my services? -- Strike a Balance, Los Angeles

DEAR STRIKE A BALANCE: I am a big believer in giving a certain amount of my time and talent to those in need. I agree that it is part of the experience, especially when you work in the field of coaching others. But really, it is true with anything.

That said, you do need to know where to draw the line. When you are in a public setting and someone approaches you, agree to speak for a few minutes, up to five or 10 if you have enough privacy for that long. After agreeing to a brief conversation, tell the person that if he or she wants to talk longer, the person should consider formally contacting your office to schedule an appointment for a consultation and/or coaching session. Using words like that should signal that this would become a professional engagement.

If the person is persistent in the moment, be prepared to say you hope that what you offered thus far will be helpful, but you have to stop now. If the person wants to continue working with you on the subject at hand, feel free to schedule an appointment. Be firm and gracious at once. That will reflect your professionalism.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time my brother gets a little money, he blows it on stupid stuff. Instead of paying his rent, he buys tickets to the ball game. Or he might take his girlfriend on an extravagant date or even go shopping. I'm not kidding. He does this when at the same time he complains of bill collectors hounding him about being delinquent. And then he has the nerve to ask me to bail him out when he runs out of cash a few days later. I love my brother, but I'm done with his shenanigans. I don't want to help him next time. Even though he is my brother, I'm tired of his negligence. -- Fed Up, Shreveport, La.

DEAR FED UP: Before your brother goes broke again, contact him and tell him you want to talk -- preferably face-to-face. Let him know that you are concerned about his financial choices. Tell him you have observed how he spends money when he gets it and how often he is broke. Based on what you know, tell him you cannot help him financially anymore. Yes, you love him, but you cannot finance his bad habits.

Perhaps your candor will help to shake him into reality.