DEAR HARRIETTE: I give advice for a living and have done well for myself. I am often invited to speak at conferences and am usually well received. What I am unsure of is where to draw the line when people ask me for advice randomly. At these functions, someone almost always comes up to me with a problem. If it is simple, I respond -- in part because that's the reason I was invited to be there in the first place. The least I can do is give back to people. But often it feels like a drain, like the people really should be hiring me rather than just sponging off of me. How can I strike a balance between being generous and charging for my services? -- Strike a Balance, Los Angeles

DEAR STRIKE A BALANCE: I am a big believer in giving a certain amount of my time and talent to those in need. I agree that it is part of the experience, especially when you work in the field of coaching others. But really, it is true with anything.

That said, you do need to know where to draw the line. When you are in a public setting and someone approaches you, agree to speak for a few minutes, up to five or 10 if you have enough privacy for that long. After agreeing to a brief conversation, tell the person that if he or she wants to talk longer, the person should consider formally contacting your office to schedule an appointment for a consultation and/or coaching session. Using words like that should signal that this would become a professional engagement.

If the person is persistent in the moment, be prepared to say you hope that what you offered thus far will be helpful, but you have to stop now. If the person wants to continue working with you on the subject at hand, feel free to schedule an appointment. Be firm and gracious at once. That will reflect your professionalism.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time my brother gets a little money, he blows it on stupid stuff. Instead of paying his rent, he buys tickets to the ball game. Or he might take his girlfriend on an extravagant date or even go shopping. I'm not kidding. He does this when at the same time he complains of bill collectors hounding him about being delinquent. And then he has the nerve to ask me to bail him out when he runs out of cash a few days later. I love my brother, but I'm done with his shenanigans. I don't want to help him next time. Even though he is my brother, I'm tired of his negligence. -- Fed Up, Shreveport, La.

DEAR FED UP: Before your brother goes broke again, contact him and tell him you want to talk -- preferably face-to-face. Let him know that you are concerned about his financial choices. Tell him you have observed how he spends money when he gets it and how often he is broke. Based on what you know, tell him you cannot help him financially anymore. Yes, you love him, but you cannot finance his bad habits.

Perhaps your candor will help to shake him into reality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been six months since I started my period. I absolutely hate tampons and pads. I don't know if I'm using tampons wrong or if it doesn't work for me (is that possible?), and when I wear pads, I feel like I'm wearing a diaper. Any advice? Alternatives? Help! -- Becoming a Woman, Jacksonville, FL

DEAR BECOMING A WOMAN: Congratulations on beginning the journey of womanhood. It has many twists and turns, some extremely exciting, others uncomfortable. The great news is that there are many products on the market that are designed to make your monthly cycle as comfortable as possible.

While it can be daunting to figure out what is for you, take some time in a large drugstore to go down the aisle of feminine products and look at the various configurations offered. Depending upon the fullness of your cycle, you can select from an assortment of pads that may work for you, many that are slim in nature and do not feel like a diaper.

There is also a new product on the market that may be of interest to you, the diva cup (divacup.com). Talk to your doctor about this option that some women are finding more manageable than others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating my boyfriend for a year. We met in a club in New York City, and after a few dates I fell for him. He has met my family, and they all love him, too. Here's where it twists: my best friend, Harry, has an online dating account and found my man on it! Not only that, my best friend is gay, and my boyfriend's account says he is interested in men. I am a girl. I don't even know what to do or say. I'm in love with him, but this frightens me. Advice? Where do I even start? -- Confused, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Confront your boyfriend immediately and tell him what you learned. Ask him if he currently or ever has been intimately involved with a man. Be specific in your questioning so that you make it difficult for him to dodge the topic. Watch the way he reacts to your questions to get a sense of whether he is telling the truth.

Don't back down about what you have discovered. That he has put himself on a gay dating site is disturbing, especially if you believed that the two of you were exclusive.

If you are sexually active with him, I hope that you were tested for HIV first. If not, now is the time to do so. I just learned about an at-home testing product that will tell you your status in 20 minutes. Go to oraquick.com for details.

You say that you love this man, and perhaps you do. But if he has betrayed your trust by choosing to be involved outside of your relationship, it is time for you to evaluate whether your emotions are stronger than the facts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a whole new view of my cousin after meeting one of his friends while I was traveling for business. I have often thought of him as kind of slow and annoying. Really, he often gets on my nerves. So it was a big surprise to hear this friend of his go on and on about how fabulous he is and how well-read and great he is. Now, I know he is nice, but she poured it on. It got me to thinking that I have been passing judgment on him that is too harsh. Part of me wants to apologize to him for that, but I also don't want to draw attention to my not-so-nice thoughts. How can I acknowledge that my opinion has changed about him? -- Reconsidering Cousin, Miami

DEAR RECONSIDERING COUSIN: Why not start by telling him how nice it was to listen to his friend sing his praises? Recount your visit with his friend and be sure to detail the wonderful things she said about him. Admit that you did not know all of those things. Tell him how proud it made you feel to hear him being so fully celebrated.

Rather than going further to outline how you used to think about him, moving forward, treat him with greater respect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are in a lot of debt. We have been struggling for a long time and see little way out. The other day my husband suggested we cut off our cable to reduce expenses. I don't want to do that. We can't afford to go to the movies, so cable affords me the chance to watch movies and stuff. I know it is expensive, but I don't want to say yes to this. Am I being selfish? He says I am ridiculous because we can hardly pay the mortgage and I want to watch TV. But what will we do if we don't have cable? He and I hardly ever talk to each other. I don't think that is going to suddenly change. I know I may sound like a spoiled brat, but I don't want to agree to this. What are my options? -- Holding On, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR HOLDING ON: You and your husband have valid points that you should both consider. Clearly, if your shelter is in question because you cannot afford to pay your mortgage, cable TV should be less important.

I recommend that you and he sit down and create a budget that honestly outlines all of your debt and income so that you can see on paper where you stand. Itemize everything so that you have full disclosure. Next, research alternatives to the way you watch television. There are a number of options that are available these days that are much more affordable than traditional cable, everything from Netflix to Apple TV and more. It is possible for you to keep watching plenty of programs and still save money.