DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are stuck in a very bad pattern of arguing about every little thing all the time. Sometimes I will just walk around the house without talking because I feel like whatever I say is going to spark an argument. He picks at every little thing, and he says I do the same. Naturally, I think that my criticisms are warranted, but these days I can't even tell. All I know is that I am at my wits' end. I do not like my husband anymore. He is not nice to me. I do not like my life. I am constantly in a state of anxiety not knowing what is going to happen next. I don't mean violence, at least not physical. But the war of words is wearing me down. I'm sick of it, but I don't know how to make it stop. -- Worn Out, Chicago

DEAR WORN OUT: You and your husband could benefit tremendously from therapy. Having a neutral party help you figure out the underlying causes for the hostility that seems to be festering may be your ticket to becoming free of this pattern. Ask your husband if he would consider going to therapy with you. If he says no, consider going on your own.

In general, pay attention to your surroundings. What happens right before an argument starts? How do you speak to your husband? Do you say "Good morning"? Do you ask him how his day was? Are there any safe conversations that you have right now? Can you think of any occasions when you get along? If so, examine those to see what worked and how you might incorporate the good communication in other scenarios. Do your best to speak to your husband in a neutral tone. Avoid accusatory language or intonation. Be kind. You may both want to read the book "Conversation Transformation: Recognize and Overcome the 6 Most Destructive Communication Patterns," by Ben E. Benjamin, Amy Yeager and Anita Simon.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read the most scathing commentary about me on social media. I am so upset. Somebody who doesn't even have the courage to say his or her real name wrote horrible things about me and then pushed it out on social media. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should correct the many errors that were spewed about me and defend myself. But then part of me feels like I don't want to stoop to that person's level. It was so hateful and mean. But now these awful things about me are out there in the universe. What should I do? -- Defamed, Detroit

DEAR DEFAMED: Social media draws out the cowards in our society specifically because you can be anonymous when you post things. As hard as it may be right now, it is best for you to leave this alone. Do not respond.

You can reach the social media provider to let it know that this person defamed you. On some occasions the host will remove malicious or libelous content.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close guy friend whom I am not interested in at all. He and I have a past together, but we have moved on and are good friends. His mom, however, thinks we are going to get married. He is close with his mom, and I think she has influenced his thoughts about us. He has a girlfriend. He and I have started to talk more because the pressure is off. He wants me to come visit him and has talked about visiting me since we live in different states. We have never visited each other before, and I find it inappropriate of him to make that suggestion even though we are friends and he has a girlfriend. What should I say to him? -- Uncomfortable, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: There must be more to this situation than you have written. What comes across is that you believe this young man is conflicted over his feelings for you, perhaps as egged on by his mother. And you question his motive for wanting you two to visit each other, especially since this never occurred in the past.

Ask him to tell you why he has made the request. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you do not think it is a good idea.

I'm not sure that the request is inappropriate, though. If you believe he wants to be romantically involved with you again, it would be. Find out what his motive is. And be clear where you draw the line. You want to remain his friend, but no visits allowed, at least not solo.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is about to get evicted from her apartment. She told me the other day that she got an eviction notice. I feel so bad for her. Though she didn't ask me, I could help her out financially. I don't want to embarrass her or strain our friendship. My thought is to just give her a lump sum and tell her no strings attached so that she doesn't have to worry about paying me back, which could set up an embarrassing strain on our friendship. I am not rich, by the way, but I have saved up some money and would be happy to help out my friend. She has struggled a lot this year, and isn't that what friends are for? How can I bring this up to her so that it isn't awkward? -- Friend in Deed, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FRIEND IN DEED: Good for you for having this outlook. Your generous spirit is noteworthy. Contact your friend immediately and ask if you two can meet. When you're face to face, tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are for the hardship she has endured of late. Tell her that you want to help. Give her an envelope with the check or cash in it, and explain that it is your gift to her to help her through this tough time. Be clear that she does not have to pay you back. It is a gift.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 10 years old, and she is starting the process of puberty. My daughter is extremely shy, and I am afraid that her classmates will make fun of her. How can I ensure her transition will be smooth and with minimal turbulence? -- Becoming a Butterfly, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR BECOMING A BUTTERFLY: Many children are beginning puberty at your daughter's age. It can be difficult making the transition into a young lady from a little girl. It is also true that other children can sometimes be cruel when they notice changes in their friends.

There is no failsafe way to ensure a smooth transition into womanhood. You can support your daughter by talking to her about the changes in her body and teaching her how to take care of herself. Let your daughter know that she can ask you anything and you will do your best to answer.

Help her select loose-fitting clothing that will make her body changes less noticeable. Have her properly fitted for underwear. Talk to her pediatrician about other ways to support her. There is a wonderful book you can get for your daughter, called "'What's Happening to Me?' An Illustrated Guide to Puberty," by Peter Mayle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: While I was cleaning up my 14-year-old son's room, I came across his journal, and I learned that he has started smoking cigarettes. Reading another person's journal is something one should not do. However, my son lives in my house, and I have the right to know what is going on in his life. How should I address my son's newfound habit? -- Distressed Mom, New York City

DEAR DISTRESSED MOM: You absolutely must address the smoking, but you do not have to reveal that you read it in his journal. If your son is smoking cigarettes, it is likely that his clothing will sometimes smell of it. Take a cue from his clothing and tell him that you smell cigarettes on him.

Or just ask him directly when he started smoking cigarettes and why. Remind him of the harmful effects of cigarettes on his health. If there is anyone in your family or life who has gotten cancer after being a smoker, remind him. He needs to understand on a visceral level how dangerous smoking cigarettes is as well as how addictive it is. The ingredient nicotine is what creates the addiction. It is extremely hard to stop smoking once you develop a habit.

So, your job is to talk straight with him and let him know that you love him too much to allow him to make a choice that will shorten his life. Point him to this website for teens that has powerful images that show just what happens to lungs of smokers -- everything from cancer to emphysema: kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/tobacco/smoking.html.