DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close guy friend whom I am not interested in at all. He and I have a past together, but we have moved on and are good friends. His mom, however, thinks we are going to get married. He is close with his mom, and I think she has influenced his thoughts about us. He has a girlfriend. He and I have started to talk more because the pressure is off. He wants me to come visit him and has talked about visiting me since we live in different states. We have never visited each other before, and I find it inappropriate of him to make that suggestion even though we are friends and he has a girlfriend. What should I say to him? -- Uncomfortable, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: There must be more to this situation than you have written. What comes across is that you believe this young man is conflicted over his feelings for you, perhaps as egged on by his mother. And you question his motive for wanting you two to visit each other, especially since this never occurred in the past.

Ask him to tell you why he has made the request. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you do not think it is a good idea.

I'm not sure that the request is inappropriate, though. If you believe he wants to be romantically involved with you again, it would be. Find out what his motive is. And be clear where you draw the line. You want to remain his friend, but no visits allowed, at least not solo.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is about to get evicted from her apartment. She told me the other day that she got an eviction notice. I feel so bad for her. Though she didn't ask me, I could help her out financially. I don't want to embarrass her or strain our friendship. My thought is to just give her a lump sum and tell her no strings attached so that she doesn't have to worry about paying me back, which could set up an embarrassing strain on our friendship. I am not rich, by the way, but I have saved up some money and would be happy to help out my friend. She has struggled a lot this year, and isn't that what friends are for? How can I bring this up to her so that it isn't awkward? -- Friend in Deed, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FRIEND IN DEED: Good for you for having this outlook. Your generous spirit is noteworthy. Contact your friend immediately and ask if you two can meet. When you're face to face, tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are for the hardship she has endured of late. Tell her that you want to help. Give her an envelope with the check or cash in it, and explain that it is your gift to her to help her through this tough time. Be clear that she does not have to pay you back. It is a gift.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 10 years old, and she is starting the process of puberty. My daughter is extremely shy, and I am afraid that her classmates will make fun of her. How can I ensure her transition will be smooth and with minimal turbulence? -- Becoming a Butterfly, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR BECOMING A BUTTERFLY: Many children are beginning puberty at your daughter's age. It can be difficult making the transition into a young lady from a little girl. It is also true that other children can sometimes be cruel when they notice changes in their friends.

There is no failsafe way to ensure a smooth transition into womanhood. You can support your daughter by talking to her about the changes in her body and teaching her how to take care of herself. Let your daughter know that she can ask you anything and you will do your best to answer.

Help her select loose-fitting clothing that will make her body changes less noticeable. Have her properly fitted for underwear. Talk to her pediatrician about other ways to support her. There is a wonderful book you can get for your daughter, called "'What's Happening to Me?' An Illustrated Guide to Puberty," by Peter Mayle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: While I was cleaning up my 14-year-old son's room, I came across his journal, and I learned that he has started smoking cigarettes. Reading another person's journal is something one should not do. However, my son lives in my house, and I have the right to know what is going on in his life. How should I address my son's newfound habit? -- Distressed Mom, New York City

DEAR DISTRESSED MOM: You absolutely must address the smoking, but you do not have to reveal that you read it in his journal. If your son is smoking cigarettes, it is likely that his clothing will sometimes smell of it. Take a cue from his clothing and tell him that you smell cigarettes on him.

Or just ask him directly when he started smoking cigarettes and why. Remind him of the harmful effects of cigarettes on his health. If there is anyone in your family or life who has gotten cancer after being a smoker, remind him. He needs to understand on a visceral level how dangerous smoking cigarettes is as well as how addictive it is. The ingredient nicotine is what creates the addiction. It is extremely hard to stop smoking once you develop a habit.

So, your job is to talk straight with him and let him know that you love him too much to allow him to make a choice that will shorten his life. Point him to this website for teens that has powerful images that show just what happens to lungs of smokers -- everything from cancer to emphysema: kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/tobacco/smoking.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife holds a high-profile position at a Fortune 500 company, and she is always in the company of powerful businesspeople. My wife is happy to have me as her husband, and she is always happy that I am able to accompany to her company's various events. However, I feel uncomfortable being with such powerful people. I am just a simple man, and at times I feel like I do not have any business being in the same room with my wife. How can I overcome my inadequacies? -- Out of Place, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR OUT OF PLACE: It is understandable that you could feel out of place at some of these high-powered functions. And it is possible to overcome that. For starters, remember that people are people. Yes, they may have more clout, money or stuff than you, but chances are you have something in common. You can find out by asking questions about their hobbies, their children, their family members. Also, talk to the spouses of the business leaders who are likely seated at your table. Often the other half of a power couple is not as powerful, workwise. In fact, the spouse -- male or female -- could feel a bit intimidated as well. By engaging these people in simple conversation, you may discover that you can feel more at ease.

Don't underestimate yourself, either. Your wife is happy to have you as her husband for a reason, probably because you are, in your words, "a simple man." Feel good about who you are and how you live your life. When asked about yourself, share what makes you happy and how you spend your time. You may be surprised at how interesting you really are to others!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a new relationship with a man who says he wants to be exclusive and committed with me. I love his company, and he treats me well -- except for one thing. I have noticed he is very frugal, and we only go out to places that are inexpensive, like pizza, matinee movies and two-for-one dinners. I appreciate a man who is conscientious about spending money; however, he needs to splurge and take me to a nice restaurant from time to time.

Well, my boyfriend finally decided to take me out to a fancy restaurant. We had a great time at dinner, but when the bill came around, he asked me if I could cover the bill. I did willingly, but it did not feel right. The man should pay the majority of the time, especially in the first few months of dating. I cannot afford to pay for half our dates, and this makes me think he will not be a good provider in the future. What are your thoughts? -- Too Frugal, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR TOO FRUGAL: I think you need to have an honest talk with your guy. It may be that he cannot afford more than he is offering rather than being stingy or overly frugal. I do like the idea of a man footing the bills early on in a romance, but I am clear that people's wallets are not always full, especially these days. If you believe you are going to commit to this man, you need to talk about values, dreams, goals and finances. Put it all on the table.