DEAR HARRIETTE: To intervene or not to intervene, that is my question. I was recently in line at a fast food restaurant when I heard someone ask another person in line for directions. The person was giving him incorrect directions, but I didn't correct the direction-giver, and then I felt bad and hoped the person getting the directions made it to his destination.

Let me explain why I chose not to correct the directions: Years ago I was on my way home from out of town, and I stopped in a rest area along the highway. Someone who worked at the rest area was giving directions to a traveler who was going to where I lived. When I realized she was giving the person incorrect directions, I politely corrected her, but she got offended. What should one do in that situation? -- Flustered, Chicago

DEAR FLUSTERED: I believe that people should help each other. That includes gently correcting misinformation, especially directions. One way to do that with the least amount of friction is to say, "Excuse me, would you mind if I give some clarification on those directions? I live/work nearby and know a simpler way." Or something to that effect. If you define it in such a way that the person giving directions can save face, it will make it easier for your amended directions to be heard.

Generally speaking, when people offer directions, they intend to be accurate, but the result is not always the case. When you are sure that what you are hearing is incorrect, by all means speak up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son yells "shut up" at his brother and even at me. It usually happens when he is frustrated or not getting his way. I do not allow that talk and often punish him, but he keeps it up. How can I get him to stop? I don't want his younger brother to pick up this bad habit. It needs to end. -- Bad Words, Shreveport, La.

DEAR BAD WORDS: Tell your son that those two little words can be extremely hurtful and rude. Ask him if he likes others to say or, more likely, scream those words at him. Point out that it is much better to walk away or use kinder words to attempt to stop an uncomfortable encounter.

When not in the heat of the moment, talk with your son about what it means to be a gentleman. Describe to him that it is possible to disagree with someone or even want someone to stop talking and to deliver that message gracefully and with authority.

Scolding your son is not the way to get him to choose to embrace more respectful language. Demonstrating to him how to handle conflict or extreme waves of negative energy is far more helpful. Remind him of the Golden Rule. And point out that he is in the unique position of demonstrating to his brother how to behave in all kinds of situations, especially when he's upset. Suggest that he step into the role of being a great example for his brother. He may like that if you position it positively.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger sister is a freshman at a college in New Jersey. Last month, she came to visit my older sister and me in New York City. She called us on Saturday morning and said she was coming to visit us that day. My older sister and I were thrown off and had many things going on, but our sister was excited about visiting us, so we said we couldn't wait for her to come. She came from Penn Station and met me at the apartment. She isn't used to the city and was frustrated with the directions to get to there.

We walked around the city and then met my other sister for dinner. In New York, we eat around 8 p.m. and hang out later. My younger sister, who is a serious runner, said she needed to go to bed by 10 p.m. My older sister and I were unaware of this and made other plans to meet up with friends after dinner. I told her how to get home, and she got really upset that we weren't going back to the apartment with her, only to see her go to sleep. She started crying, and we felt bad so we ended our night early and went home with her. She was being irrational and selfish, and a month later she is still talking about how terrible her time was in New York. She says she never wants to visit us because of her experience. We have tried explaining to her the situation, but she is oversensitive and prideful, so she doesn't listen to us. How can we get through to her? -- Frustrated in the Big Apple, New York City

DEAR FRUSTRATED IN THE BIG APPLE: Let your sister cool off for now. When some time has passed, invite her to come back to the city. Craft a schedule where you are able to show her a great time in the city and stay with her.

That is what she wanted. Her naivete about your lives in New York led her to believe that an impromptu visit would mean that you would drop everything to attend to her. She is young and inexperienced and probably was clueless about how disruptive her spontaneous visit actually was.

When you are next having a good time with her, you can point out the pace at which you live, the kinds of things you do and your own timing. If she wants to talk about her visit, acknowledge that it was horrible -- for all of you, because you hadn't made a plan together. Her expectations did not match yours, and you both failed to share your needs with each other. You had a full agenda that did not include her, and she had an early bedtime. When you do not communicate clearly, you are bound to run into difficulty.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids have so much homework this year that it is hard to keep up. They have extracurricular activities including chess, soccer and swimming. They love all of their activities, but I am afraid that they won't be able to keep up at school. When I recently broached this with my kids, they got so upset. I really do think they are oversubscribed. How can I rebalance their schedules without devastating them? -- Looking for Balance, Cleveland

DEAR LOOKING FOR BALANCE: Check in with your children's teachers to see how they think your children are managing their studies thus far this school year. Express your concerns about their schoolwork versus extracurricular activities. Ask the teachers to keep you informed if their studies slip.

You may not need to cut anything out yet. Instead, let your children know that their continued participation is contingent upon good grades. You never know -- giving them this reach may be a motivator that keeps them energized about their schoolwork. If it becomes too much, have them work with you to decide what to eliminate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a pretty ugly argument with one of my co-workers because she refused to listen to anything I had to say as we were preparing for a big presentation. She just kept talking when our task was to collaborate. We ended up mad at each other, and at the presentation she jumped in and did everything the way she wanted, regardless of what we had come up with as a team. It went over lukewarm. Because it wasn't a bomb, she thinks she was right. How can I help her to understand that if we are supposed to collaborate, we should do that? Our boss says it all the time, but somehow she doesn't see what my co-worker is doing. -- Blindsided, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BLINDSIDED: Start with your boss since you have already tried with your co-worker. Ask for support in the preparation for the next project. Explain that sometimes the discussions get so heated and one-sided that it is hard for the team to work together effectively. Ask for your boss's help in managing the process so that everyone can work together in an effective and meaningful way. Be specific in your request so that you don't seem like a complainer. Ask for support in building the skill of collaboration. Perhaps your boss has some examples she can share of how she has collaborated well on projects in the past.

By positioning your concern as a request for team-building support, you potentially set yourself and your team up for success. Your co-worker does not need to be chastised. Instead, everyone on your team can benefit from the leadership that your boss offers if you convince her of its value.