DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids have so much homework this year that it is hard to keep up. They have extracurricular activities including chess, soccer and swimming. They love all of their activities, but I am afraid that they won't be able to keep up at school. When I recently broached this with my kids, they got so upset. I really do think they are oversubscribed. How can I rebalance their schedules without devastating them? -- Looking for Balance, Cleveland

DEAR LOOKING FOR BALANCE: Check in with your children's teachers to see how they think your children are managing their studies thus far this school year. Express your concerns about their schoolwork versus extracurricular activities. Ask the teachers to keep you informed if their studies slip.

You may not need to cut anything out yet. Instead, let your children know that their continued participation is contingent upon good grades. You never know -- giving them this reach may be a motivator that keeps them energized about their schoolwork. If it becomes too much, have them work with you to decide what to eliminate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a pretty ugly argument with one of my co-workers because she refused to listen to anything I had to say as we were preparing for a big presentation. She just kept talking when our task was to collaborate. We ended up mad at each other, and at the presentation she jumped in and did everything the way she wanted, regardless of what we had come up with as a team. It went over lukewarm. Because it wasn't a bomb, she thinks she was right. How can I help her to understand that if we are supposed to collaborate, we should do that? Our boss says it all the time, but somehow she doesn't see what my co-worker is doing. -- Blindsided, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BLINDSIDED: Start with your boss since you have already tried with your co-worker. Ask for support in the preparation for the next project. Explain that sometimes the discussions get so heated and one-sided that it is hard for the team to work together effectively. Ask for your boss's help in managing the process so that everyone can work together in an effective and meaningful way. Be specific in your request so that you don't seem like a complainer. Ask for support in building the skill of collaboration. Perhaps your boss has some examples she can share of how she has collaborated well on projects in the past.

By positioning your concern as a request for team-building support, you potentially set yourself and your team up for success. Your co-worker does not need to be chastised. Instead, everyone on your team can benefit from the leadership that your boss offers if you convince her of its value.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex has been going around saying horrible things about me. I know because several of my friends have come back to report what he has said. Some of the things are true, which makes it worse. We did have a rocky relationship, and I was not nice to him in the end. Other things he is saying are completely made up. Either way, it is just embarrassing that he is talking about me. We are not a couple anymore. It has been several months since we dated. I have been trying to move on. How can I get him to stop his hateful chatter? -- Humiliated, Denver

DEAR HUMILIATED: Your best bet is to contact your ex directly. Call him and tell him that you know that he is still upset about the things that happened in your relationship. Apologize to him for anything that you did to hurt him. Tell him that you know you didn't handle things in the best way and that you are sorry. Ask him to stop talking about you and your relationship.

I do not recommend meeting with him. A kind, heartfelt phone call is the safest way to get your message to him. Ultimately, you cannot control what he does, but there is a chance that he may slow down or stop his comments if he believes that you two are in a respectful place.

If you believe that he is a volatile person, however, you may want to do nothing. Steer clear of him if you are afraid of him. Report his activity to the police if you feel in danger at all.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer I went back home to visit my folks, and I saw a family I hadn't seen in a year. It was really nice to see them. As I started to ask for different family members, I learned that both of the husband's parents died. They had been married for nearly 50 years, and they died within months of each other. I was so sorry to learn this and did not know what to say. What do you say when you learn something like that? -- Sad, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SAD: Of course you express your sorrow for the loss of your friend's parents. You can ask how he and his family are doing. If you knew his parents, you can share memories of them that will make your friend smile. Ask him to tell you stories of his parents. Often those stories can be comforting for others to recall during a time of loss.

You can follow up with the family and send a note of condolence saying something with sincerity about your memories of the deceased.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my colleagues just went on one of those cleanses that is so popular these days, and she lost 45 pounds. She looks amazing, and I am so jealous. I have plenty of weight to lose, and I have been struggling for years. She was struggling, too, so that's why it's even more amazing that it worked. I keep hearing from people that these things are not a good idea because they are hard on your system and that you usually gain the weight back. I don't know what I should do -- I am really tempted to sign up for her program because I can see that she lost the weight and she looks so much younger. What do you think about this idea? -- Want to Lose, Salt Lake City

DEAR WANT TO LOSE: It is wonderful that you are motivated by those around you who are making strides at taking care of their health. But slow down before you make a decision as to what you will do for yourself.

To figure out the best choice for you, go to your primary care physician and get a complete physical. Assess your health needs and ask for guidance on how to achieve your fitness and health goals with your doctor. Talk to your physician about the cleanses you have heard about, and ask as many questions as you can think of about weight loss and health care. Request a plan of action that your doctor thinks will be helpful for you. You may get a referral for a nutritionist along with an exercise routine.

Chances are your doctor will not recommend that you follow one of the more extreme cleanses. Follow your doctor's orders and do your best to stick to the plan. It may take you a little longer than your friend, but if you work consistently, you can meet your goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three kids who seem to outgrow their clothes every year. Usually I just give their clothes away to Goodwill. But I had the thought to organize a clothing swap. A lot of my kids' clothes are still in good shape -- same for many of the kids at their school and even at church. I figure if other people participate in a clothing swap, we can all clothe our children without spending a fortune. How can I make this recommendation without insulting anybody? -- Creative Solution, Detroit

DEAR CREATIVE SOLUTION: This is a great idea, and chances are many members of your community will like it. Ask the leadership at your school, church and community center to see where the best location would be for a swap. Once you get a facility to sign on, talk to your friends and drum up interest. Clothing should be divided up by size, so some coordination is necessary. Then get the word out and invite a host of families to participate. Welcome all to the swap and share your bounty with one another!