DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to have cable TV, but my husband and I canceled it last year. We were spending a fortune on all these channels and not paying our other bills. Plus, it was making us couch potatoes. We feel good about our choice, but just the other day we were talking to some friends who thought we were crazy to be disconnected. I felt like they were judging us about it. They have deep pockets, and I guess it's no big deal to them that they have cable and everything else. How can we get our friends to understand our position? -- Disconnected, Racine, Wis.

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Honestly, it doesn't matter what your friends think. Believe it or not, many people do not have cable TV or satellite TV or other kinds of technology -- for a host of reasons. Whether the choice is based on economics or lifestyle, not everyone is as engaged with technology as others. You do not need to feel ashamed. Instead, embrace your choices. Be confident in them. You have to make choices that are smart for you. The same is true for your friends. By the way, even people with deep pockets make choices similar to yours. Additionally, if you want to watch cable channels on occasion, chances are you can find your show of choice online. If you don't have a computer, you can watch at the library.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in having an open relationship with my husband. We have been married for 10 years, and it's boring now. Some of our other friends have told me that they have an open marriage -- basically that they are swingers -- and they seem so happy. It's almost like they are newlyweds again. I haven't suggested it to my husband yet, but I think he might consider it. The only reason why he might not is that he is pretty religious. I understand that, but I need something to change.

If we both participated in an open marriage, it might help us to like each other more. I was invited to a party where people who do this get together, and I really want to go. How can I bring up the subject to him? -- On the Brink, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ON THE BRINK: This is no small consideration. One of the covenants of marriage is fidelity as it relates to intimacy. For you to want to open your marriage to multiple intimate partners is a huge thing to ask. To request it of a religious man raises the stakes even higher.

If your reason for considering this is truly boredom, why not try something else first? Plan a vacation. Go somewhere with your husband that you both will enjoy. Tell your husband that you want to rekindle the romance in your marriage. Talk to him about your concerns and tell him about your idea. Suggest that you go to counseling to help you figure out how to strengthen your marriage. But my vote regarding welcoming others into your marriage bed is no. Bad idea.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do I tell my best friend that I do not like her boyfriend? Since my girlfriend met her new boyfriend, I feel like he is cutting in on the time I usually reserve to be with her. Do you think I am jealous that my girlfriend is seeing someone? Please help. -- Third Wheel, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: When best friends are accustomed to spending endless hours together and then a boyfriend enters the picture, often all hell breaks loose. The rhythm that the two of you used to share has been interrupted. This can make it hard for the best friend without a boyfriend to manage.

It's good that you realize that your dislike of this guy may actually be jealousy. Rather than doing anything rash, talk to your best friend. Acknowledge that you miss her and have been feeling jealous of the time that she spends with him rather than with you. Tell her that you don't love the way you have been feeling but that it is real.

Tell her you understand that she doesn't have as much time to hang out with you as before, but you hope you two can have some girl time. Also, offer to get to know her boyfriend, too. You stand a better chance of being able to enjoy your friend's company if you change your attitude toward her boyfriend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married to my husband for nine years, and I am sad to say this, but I had an extramarital affair three years ago. The relationship lasted for only a short time, when my husband and I were not getting along. The man doesn't live in our city anymore, and we have nothing to do with each other. Things are good between my husband and me now. But I am wondering if I should tell my husband that I had an affair. I feel like it is the right thing for me to do, and I would like your thoughts. -- Guilty, New York City

DEAR GUILTY: I am curious as to what you think you will gain by revealing your past indiscretion. Obviously it was not the right thing to do, so I am not condoning your behavior in any way. At the same time, I believe that revealing something that happened and that is over -- if it really is something from your past -- will only bring pain to your husband. This is why I ask about your intention.

If you want to strengthen your marriage, be fully present. Pay attention to your husband and your relationship. Be the wife that you want to be in your marriage. Let the past go. Consider your indiscretion a terrible mistake that you will not repeat. If, however, your husband ever asks you about it, do not lie. Tell him the truth as you recall it, including your renewed commitment to him and your marriage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a work trip with a friend, and it was disastrous. The organizers did a poor job, but that wasn't the worst of it. My friend is such a major complainer that rather than make the best of it, all he did was point out what was going wrong and moan about it. At every turn when there was a problem -- and there were many -- he blew up and made the scene worse. I know that I do not want to travel with him anymore.

I'm not making excuses for the organizers: Trust me, they got an earful from the attendees. But I do think that it matters how you deal with a situation. My friend was the you-know-what stirrer. He took the whole scene over the edge. I want to say something to him, but when I tried at the event, he blew me off and said I was making excuses for the organizers. Should I say anything else to him? I don't want to be in this situation ever again. -- Out of My Control, Baltimore

DEAR OUT OF MY CONTROL: I agree that you always have a choice as to how you can deal with whatever comes your way. Even in the worst circumstances, it is possible to find the positive. That said, it can be incredibly difficult to remain upbeat when you are participating in a disastrous situation. Scapegoating your friend may be a bit extreme.

Instead, try talking to him again after some time has passed. Admit that the event was a mess and add that his behavior made it harder for you to manage. Tell him that you wished he had been able to enjoy time with you and your other friends and colleagues or make the best of it. If you find yourself in a similar situation with him where he starts nonstop complaining, walk away. Get out of earshot so you can keep your cool.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old daughter wants to have a sleepover for her birthday. I think it's a nice idea, but I feel uncomfortable hosting it because most of her friends live in much fancier places than our modest home. I don't want her -- or me, for that matter -- to be embarrassed by bringing kids over to a simple apartment when some of them live in big houses. Do you think I should forego it or do it anyway? -- Feeling Small, Chicago

DEAR FEELING SMALL: People live all kinds of ways, and, as you know, have very different economic means. You do not need to feel ashamed of what you have. If the children are truly your daughter's friends, they will likely be perfectly happy to be in your home. Young children tend to live in the moment and enjoy whatever their circumstances are.

In terms of the parents, just welcome them into your home. Be kind and at ease. As long as your home is clean and neat, you should feel proud of where you live and comfortable inviting them into your humble abode.