DEAR HARRIETTE: Do I tell my best friend that I do not like her boyfriend? Since my girlfriend met her new boyfriend, I feel like he is cutting in on the time I usually reserve to be with her. Do you think I am jealous that my girlfriend is seeing someone? Please help. -- Third Wheel, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: When best friends are accustomed to spending endless hours together and then a boyfriend enters the picture, often all hell breaks loose. The rhythm that the two of you used to share has been interrupted. This can make it hard for the best friend without a boyfriend to manage.

It's good that you realize that your dislike of this guy may actually be jealousy. Rather than doing anything rash, talk to your best friend. Acknowledge that you miss her and have been feeling jealous of the time that she spends with him rather than with you. Tell her that you don't love the way you have been feeling but that it is real.

Tell her you understand that she doesn't have as much time to hang out with you as before, but you hope you two can have some girl time. Also, offer to get to know her boyfriend, too. You stand a better chance of being able to enjoy your friend's company if you change your attitude toward her boyfriend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married to my husband for nine years, and I am sad to say this, but I had an extramarital affair three years ago. The relationship lasted for only a short time, when my husband and I were not getting along. The man doesn't live in our city anymore, and we have nothing to do with each other. Things are good between my husband and me now. But I am wondering if I should tell my husband that I had an affair. I feel like it is the right thing for me to do, and I would like your thoughts. -- Guilty, New York City

DEAR GUILTY: I am curious as to what you think you will gain by revealing your past indiscretion. Obviously it was not the right thing to do, so I am not condoning your behavior in any way. At the same time, I believe that revealing something that happened and that is over -- if it really is something from your past -- will only bring pain to your husband. This is why I ask about your intention.

If you want to strengthen your marriage, be fully present. Pay attention to your husband and your relationship. Be the wife that you want to be in your marriage. Let the past go. Consider your indiscretion a terrible mistake that you will not repeat. If, however, your husband ever asks you about it, do not lie. Tell him the truth as you recall it, including your renewed commitment to him and your marriage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a work trip with a friend, and it was disastrous. The organizers did a poor job, but that wasn't the worst of it. My friend is such a major complainer that rather than make the best of it, all he did was point out what was going wrong and moan about it. At every turn when there was a problem -- and there were many -- he blew up and made the scene worse. I know that I do not want to travel with him anymore.

I'm not making excuses for the organizers: Trust me, they got an earful from the attendees. But I do think that it matters how you deal with a situation. My friend was the you-know-what stirrer. He took the whole scene over the edge. I want to say something to him, but when I tried at the event, he blew me off and said I was making excuses for the organizers. Should I say anything else to him? I don't want to be in this situation ever again. -- Out of My Control, Baltimore

DEAR OUT OF MY CONTROL: I agree that you always have a choice as to how you can deal with whatever comes your way. Even in the worst circumstances, it is possible to find the positive. That said, it can be incredibly difficult to remain upbeat when you are participating in a disastrous situation. Scapegoating your friend may be a bit extreme.

Instead, try talking to him again after some time has passed. Admit that the event was a mess and add that his behavior made it harder for you to manage. Tell him that you wished he had been able to enjoy time with you and your other friends and colleagues or make the best of it. If you find yourself in a similar situation with him where he starts nonstop complaining, walk away. Get out of earshot so you can keep your cool.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old daughter wants to have a sleepover for her birthday. I think it's a nice idea, but I feel uncomfortable hosting it because most of her friends live in much fancier places than our modest home. I don't want her -- or me, for that matter -- to be embarrassed by bringing kids over to a simple apartment when some of them live in big houses. Do you think I should forego it or do it anyway? -- Feeling Small, Chicago

DEAR FEELING SMALL: People live all kinds of ways, and, as you know, have very different economic means. You do not need to feel ashamed of what you have. If the children are truly your daughter's friends, they will likely be perfectly happy to be in your home. Young children tend to live in the moment and enjoy whatever their circumstances are.

In terms of the parents, just welcome them into your home. Be kind and at ease. As long as your home is clean and neat, you should feel proud of where you live and comfortable inviting them into your humble abode.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a man who is seriously overweight. I am not a snob about size, but I do think that it is unhealthy to be more than 100 pounds overweight. So why are we dating? He is such a nice guy that he just grew on me. But I am concerned that in the long run, if he doesn't take care of himself, what future is there for us? I have told him that I want him to get healthy, and he says he heard me. He even lost a few pounds. But I'm not sure what to do next. I realize that I cannot control him, nor do I want do. But as I think about my future, I know that I want to have a healthy relationship with a man who chooses to take care of himself. Am I being rude or insensitive to think this way? I'm not saying I want my guy to be a model or a gym rat, just healthy. Do I tell him about my thoughts for a life partner? Or is that rude? -- Feeling Bad, Cincinnati

DEAR FEELING BAD: It sounds like you really like this guy. Your note suggests that you are thinking about the long run, including the possibility of marriage. If you are that serious, be upfront with your guy about his health. Tell him how you feel about him and that you are concerned about him as well. Ask him if he wants to get in shape. If so, consider suggesting that you do something fitness-related together.

Be clear, though, that you cannot change him. He is who he is. If he chooses to get healthy, it should be his personal choice. Your devotion to him may serve as a motivator. At some point you will need to decide if you can accept him as he is. In marriage, couples go through many twists and turns. Without question, one twist that does not work is forcing someone to make a lifestyle change. It has to happen on individual terms.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old son has a friend he spent time with over the summer. They had three play dates and seemed to have a lot of fun. I later learned that this child's parents allow him to drink soda. We do not drink soda in our house. I asked my son if he drank the soda, and he said yes. I was outraged. We have a strict rule about soda, and he broke it. I'm wondering if I should stop him from playing with this child. I have reminded him that he cannot break our rules when we aren't around, but how can I enforce that? -- Friend Drama, San Francisco

DEAR FRIEND DRAMA: Contact the mother of your son's friend and let her know that your son has enjoyed hanging out with her son and hopes to continue, but that you would like to ask that your son not be served soft drinks. Explain that you do not allow him to drink them. Ask if there are any family rules you should know about her son.

Remind your son that if he does not adhere to your boundaries, he will lose the privilege of hanging with his friend.