DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a man who is seriously overweight. I am not a snob about size, but I do think that it is unhealthy to be more than 100 pounds overweight. So why are we dating? He is such a nice guy that he just grew on me. But I am concerned that in the long run, if he doesn't take care of himself, what future is there for us? I have told him that I want him to get healthy, and he says he heard me. He even lost a few pounds. But I'm not sure what to do next. I realize that I cannot control him, nor do I want do. But as I think about my future, I know that I want to have a healthy relationship with a man who chooses to take care of himself. Am I being rude or insensitive to think this way? I'm not saying I want my guy to be a model or a gym rat, just healthy. Do I tell him about my thoughts for a life partner? Or is that rude? -- Feeling Bad, Cincinnati

DEAR FEELING BAD: It sounds like you really like this guy. Your note suggests that you are thinking about the long run, including the possibility of marriage. If you are that serious, be upfront with your guy about his health. Tell him how you feel about him and that you are concerned about him as well. Ask him if he wants to get in shape. If so, consider suggesting that you do something fitness-related together.

Be clear, though, that you cannot change him. He is who he is. If he chooses to get healthy, it should be his personal choice. Your devotion to him may serve as a motivator. At some point you will need to decide if you can accept him as he is. In marriage, couples go through many twists and turns. Without question, one twist that does not work is forcing someone to make a lifestyle change. It has to happen on individual terms.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old son has a friend he spent time with over the summer. They had three play dates and seemed to have a lot of fun. I later learned that this child's parents allow him to drink soda. We do not drink soda in our house. I asked my son if he drank the soda, and he said yes. I was outraged. We have a strict rule about soda, and he broke it. I'm wondering if I should stop him from playing with this child. I have reminded him that he cannot break our rules when we aren't around, but how can I enforce that? -- Friend Drama, San Francisco

DEAR FRIEND DRAMA: Contact the mother of your son's friend and let her know that your son has enjoyed hanging out with her son and hopes to continue, but that you would like to ask that your son not be served soft drinks. Explain that you do not allow him to drink them. Ask if there are any family rules you should know about her son.

Remind your son that if he does not adhere to your boundaries, he will lose the privilege of hanging with his friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a black-tie dinner last week and ran into a man I know. As I walked up to say hello to him, I was about to ask him about his wife when I saw that he was with another woman. He quickly introduced me to her and called her his girlfriend. I was so confused. I know that he was married last year when I saw him. It was an awkward moment that got me to thinking. On the one hand, you want to be thoughtful and ask about people's spouses, especially when you are a single woman and you approach a man to say hello. I was attempting to be appropriate. Was that wrong? What do you do in a situation like that, other than just say hello? -- Uncomfortable Encounter, Chicago

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE ENCOUNTER: I feel your pain. Recently I went to an event and ran into a woman I had not seen for years. As she approached me, she haltingly said that she wasn't sure if she should dare ask about my husband. I was happy to report that we are still married after 20 years. But, as she pointed out, many people are not.

In a situation like yours, what may be wise is to take the lead of the person you are greeting, especially if he is standing next to another woman. By simply saying hello, you will have acknowledged him in the moment. Do know that he has probably gotten a few asks on behalf of his ex, though, especially since the breakup is relatively new.

As a single woman greeting a presumably married man, you can remain appropriate by being gracious and reserved. If he is standing alone, by all means ask about his wife.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I call my husband every day during the day to say hello. He used to like it when I called, but now it seems like I am annoying him. I don't stay on the phone long. I just check in to see how he's doing. I thought that was nice considering that we work all day and don't see each other much during the week. I don't know what to do now because it hurts my feelings when I call and he brushes me off. Part of me wants to just shut down and stop calling, but deep down inside I want to figure out things to do to keep us interested in each other. I don't want to end up like so many of my friends who have drifted apart from their spouses. Help! -- Lonely, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR LONELY: Talk to your husband. He may not realize that you have this daily practice since it is something you have always done. Ask him if he likes for you to call. If not, why not? It could be that he is busy at work and your call interrupts his flow. It could be that he doesn't like to talk on the phone.

Tell him that you want to be close to him. Be honest that you don't want to end up like some of your friends who are no longer close in their marriages. Ask him for ideas on how you can be more closely connected. Starting the conversation may lead to great shared ideas.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the course of the year, I have loaned my best friend quite a bit of money. It was in little bits here and there, always with the promise that he would pay me back. Now we are about to settle, and I realize that I have no idea how much in total I loaned to him. I don't expect him to lie about it, but I know that I was pretty sloppy with this transaction considering that I really do need him to pay me back. Is it crazy for me to ask him if he has a log of the loans? What can I do to have an accurate account of how much he is to pay me back? -- Mad at Myself, Shreveport, La.

DEAR MAD AT MYSELF: You are not unusual in your challenge right now. When people do business with friends and family, it is often messy. Obviously, that is not the best approach. Since you are in this position, you are at the mercy of your friend's honesty, and more, his level of organization.

Be honest with him. Tell him that your records are flawed. Ask him if he knows the exact sum he owes you and if he actually kept records of dates and payments. If not, you will have to base the amount on the best recollection that the two of you have. Moving forward, make sure that you write these transactions down and that you include receipts for the money that changes hands if you expect to be reimbursed in the future. Being professional about your agreement keeps it clean and reduces any emotional impact.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a yo-yo dieter and exerciser for years. Surprise, I am overweight. I just can't seem to get it in my head to move my body consistently. Then I get mad at myself when I look in the mirror and see that I am carrying around extra pounds. I feel sick at how inconsistent I have been. But that feeling hasn't gotten me to get my butt up and move. With the cold weather coming, I fear that I will do nothing for months and be in an even worse position in the spring. How can I snap out of this? I want better for myself. -- Fat and Frustrated, Los Angeles

DEAR FAT AND FRUSTRATED: What you need is motivation. Start by getting a physical so that you know what your health status is and if you have any specific concerns to take into consideration. Ask your doctor if you can get a referral for a nutritionist who can help you craft a healthy eating plan.

Next, set simple goals for yourself, nothing too big. For instance, you can promise yourself to walk each day. Start small with just 10 minutes. Walk those 10 minutes for a whole week and mark it off on your calendar. Then add five minutes. Build up to 30 over time. Invite a friend or neighbor to walk with you. Or choose another activity that is easy and manageable. Write it down and check it off when you do it. Your record of success will help you to keep moving. Consider joining Weight Watchers or another organization that supports people in meeting their health goals. You can do it!