DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my godfather has pancreatic cancer. He is a very private man, so I don't want to offend him by saying anything wrong, but I definitely want to contact him to see if I can do anything to help. I don't think his illness is a secret. My mother told me about it. I am scared, and I don't know what to do. Everything I have read about this disease is horrible. How can I be a good goddaughter to him at this terrible time? We don't live in the same town, so visiting him is not an immediate option. -- Eggshells, Racine, Mich.

DEAR EGGSHELLS: You are thoughtful to be concerned about not embarrassing your godfather or invading his privacy. What's most important is that you let him know that you are thinking about him and that you love him. By all means, pick up the phone and call him. Ask him how he is doing. He will tell you whatever he feels comfortable sharing. Tell him about your life and what you have been doing of late.

The simple act of sharing your own joy and experiences can be fulfilling, and it has nothing to do with your godfather's illness.

Before you get off the phone, ask him if there is anything you can do for him. If he does give you a recommendation, be sure to act on it immediately. And be more attentive. Call him once a week. Plan a visit in the near future, if he would like that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I voted in my city's local primary elections like I always do, and I'm bummed. None of my candidates won. I feel deflated. I know that there's no magic wand you can wave to get your candidate, but I am not nearly as excited now that my candidates lost. How can I become more enthusiastic about the political process? Honestly, right now I feel like it is a waste of my time to even vote. -- Disheartened, Queens

DEAR DISHEARTENED: Part of the democratic process is that more than one candidate runs for elective office. In the primaries, there are even more candidates so that citizens can select within their party for the "best" candidate who will oppose the "best" candidate from the other party in the general election. Naturally, not every candidate wins.

What is exciting about our process is that we do have choices and we have the freedom to vote for our choices. No, our candidates don't always win, but just look at some other countries around the world where the political process does not allow the citizens to vote for their own choices. Our system is not perfect, and there will be plenty of times when we become disappointed, but we enjoy the freedom of choice that is elusive for millions around the world.

To become more enthusiastic, consider volunteering for your political party of choice or for a particular candidate. Know that you may not always win, but by immersing yourself in the system, you will learn how it works and how it can be improved. Get involved!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent the summer abroad with a program from my school. While I was away, I met a guy who turned out to be such a sweetheart. We spent a lot of time together and grew very fond of each other. He took me all around to see his country, and it was very pleasant. I'm back home, and he just called to say that he is planning to move to America. In a roundabout way, he let me know that he is planning to come because he wants to be with me. I do not feel the same. I like him and we had fun together, but I do not want to date him. I never led him on in that way, either. Yes, we dated, but we didn't "do anything," so to speak. How can I let him know that I like him, but not like that? I would hate for him to come all the way over here expecting a relationship that is not going to happen. -- Putting on the Brakes, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR PUTTING ON THE BRAKES: It is great that you are dating without becoming too intimately involved with your suitors -- this time, anyway. It does make it easier for you to evaluate whether you want your relationship to advance to a more committed place or not.

From this young man's perspective, however, he may not know that you are not interested in him romantically. It is your obligation to let him know, but be kind. If he wants to come to the United States, he should. Ask him why he wants to come. Does he have dreams for his career? What are his motivations? If he says that you are the driving force, then tell him directly that you appreciate that but you are not interested in making that kind of commitment. Tell him you enjoyed your time together tremendously, and if he comes to your homeland, you will be happy to show him around, but that you are not interested in kindling a relationship with him.

You do have to let him know so that he can manage his expectations. If he comes, you also owe him a bit of American hospitality. You can hang out, introduce him to your friends and have a good time without becoming his girlfriend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I let my friend borrow my favorite dress to go to a fancy party. Yes, you already know the drill. She gave it back to me soiled. She didn't even send it to the dry cleaner. Who does that? She handed it to me in a bag, and I didn't look at it until I got home. It's as if she wore the dress, dropped it in the bag and handed it off to me. So now I have to pay for it to be cleaned. I want to confront her about this. What should I say? -- Appalled, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR APPALLED: Be direct. Tell your friend that you are taking the dress to the dry cleaner and that you will let her know how much the bill is when it is ready. Follow up with the price and ask her to reimburse you. Chances are this will jar her into realizing her misstep.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife invited her 56-year-old sister to stay at our house for a couple of days, and we gave her total access to the house. I needed to check my emails, and I went to the reading room where the family computer is located. When I opened the door, I was shocked to see what was on the computer: My sister in-law was watching an adult movie. I wanted to yell at her, but my mouth shut because of the shock. After I got my composure, I told my sister-in-law that she cannot use our family computer without supervision. I do not have the time to supervise an adult while she surfs the Internet. I like my sister-in-law, and I want her to continue to feel comfortable in our home. How can I prevent anyone from visiting inappropriate adult content on my family's computer? By the way, I do not have children. My wife and I just do not appreciate porn and do not ever have it in our home. -- Computer Blue, Atlanta

DEAR COMPUTER BLUE: You can put parental controls on your computer to ensure that no one can access adult content or any other content that you deem inappropriate for your home. Go to ehow.com/how_6780583_put-parental-controls-laptop.html for instructions. If you regularly have houseguests, you may want to tell them to bring their own computer. Or, you can put a label on the home computer saying "Please limit your Internet usage to X, Y and Z."

These measures could be extreme, though. It could be that your sister-in-law is an anomaly. You may simply need to deal with her directly and make it clear to her that she crossed a line and you do not appreciate it. Chances are she is embarrassed by being caught watching pornography, so you do not need to beat her over the head with her transgression. For others who may come across a pornographic site either unintentionally or intentionally, use parental controls to block them out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 3-year-old son is starting preschool in a few weeks, and he is excited about going to school. He can use the bathroom on his own, but I am wondering if I should pack a few diapers in his book bag to prevent any potential accidents. -- Momma's Boy, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MOMMA'S BOY: Contact the preschool and ask what its policy is. It may suggest that you not send diapers and talk to your son about being a big boy and remembering to ask to go to the bathroom. (Commonly, preschools have backup diapers in case of emergency.) Or it may suggest that you pack diapers and give them to the teacher without your son seeing them, so that extras are on hand in case of an accident but that your child doesn't know that the crutch is there.

Most important is for you to make sure your son is comfortable as he takes this big step. Continue to practice using the bathroom with him. Point out that he will be doing this on his own in school and that he can do it!