DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent the summer abroad with a program from my school. While I was away, I met a guy who turned out to be such a sweetheart. We spent a lot of time together and grew very fond of each other. He took me all around to see his country, and it was very pleasant. I'm back home, and he just called to say that he is planning to move to America. In a roundabout way, he let me know that he is planning to come because he wants to be with me. I do not feel the same. I like him and we had fun together, but I do not want to date him. I never led him on in that way, either. Yes, we dated, but we didn't "do anything," so to speak. How can I let him know that I like him, but not like that? I would hate for him to come all the way over here expecting a relationship that is not going to happen. -- Putting on the Brakes, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR PUTTING ON THE BRAKES: It is great that you are dating without becoming too intimately involved with your suitors -- this time, anyway. It does make it easier for you to evaluate whether you want your relationship to advance to a more committed place or not.

From this young man's perspective, however, he may not know that you are not interested in him romantically. It is your obligation to let him know, but be kind. If he wants to come to the United States, he should. Ask him why he wants to come. Does he have dreams for his career? What are his motivations? If he says that you are the driving force, then tell him directly that you appreciate that but you are not interested in making that kind of commitment. Tell him you enjoyed your time together tremendously, and if he comes to your homeland, you will be happy to show him around, but that you are not interested in kindling a relationship with him.

You do have to let him know so that he can manage his expectations. If he comes, you also owe him a bit of American hospitality. You can hang out, introduce him to your friends and have a good time without becoming his girlfriend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I let my friend borrow my favorite dress to go to a fancy party. Yes, you already know the drill. She gave it back to me soiled. She didn't even send it to the dry cleaner. Who does that? She handed it to me in a bag, and I didn't look at it until I got home. It's as if she wore the dress, dropped it in the bag and handed it off to me. So now I have to pay for it to be cleaned. I want to confront her about this. What should I say? -- Appalled, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR APPALLED: Be direct. Tell your friend that you are taking the dress to the dry cleaner and that you will let her know how much the bill is when it is ready. Follow up with the price and ask her to reimburse you. Chances are this will jar her into realizing her misstep.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife invited her 56-year-old sister to stay at our house for a couple of days, and we gave her total access to the house. I needed to check my emails, and I went to the reading room where the family computer is located. When I opened the door, I was shocked to see what was on the computer: My sister in-law was watching an adult movie. I wanted to yell at her, but my mouth shut because of the shock. After I got my composure, I told my sister-in-law that she cannot use our family computer without supervision. I do not have the time to supervise an adult while she surfs the Internet. I like my sister-in-law, and I want her to continue to feel comfortable in our home. How can I prevent anyone from visiting inappropriate adult content on my family's computer? By the way, I do not have children. My wife and I just do not appreciate porn and do not ever have it in our home. -- Computer Blue, Atlanta

DEAR COMPUTER BLUE: You can put parental controls on your computer to ensure that no one can access adult content or any other content that you deem inappropriate for your home. Go to ehow.com/how_6780583_put-parental-controls-laptop.html for instructions. If you regularly have houseguests, you may want to tell them to bring their own computer. Or, you can put a label on the home computer saying "Please limit your Internet usage to X, Y and Z."

These measures could be extreme, though. It could be that your sister-in-law is an anomaly. You may simply need to deal with her directly and make it clear to her that she crossed a line and you do not appreciate it. Chances are she is embarrassed by being caught watching pornography, so you do not need to beat her over the head with her transgression. For others who may come across a pornographic site either unintentionally or intentionally, use parental controls to block them out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 3-year-old son is starting preschool in a few weeks, and he is excited about going to school. He can use the bathroom on his own, but I am wondering if I should pack a few diapers in his book bag to prevent any potential accidents. -- Momma's Boy, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MOMMA'S BOY: Contact the preschool and ask what its policy is. It may suggest that you not send diapers and talk to your son about being a big boy and remembering to ask to go to the bathroom. (Commonly, preschools have backup diapers in case of emergency.) Or it may suggest that you pack diapers and give them to the teacher without your son seeing them, so that extras are on hand in case of an accident but that your child doesn't know that the crutch is there.

Most important is for you to make sure your son is comfortable as he takes this big step. Continue to practice using the bathroom with him. Point out that he will be doing this on his own in school and that he can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I witnessed a huge argument between my brother and his wife when we last visited. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. But what was weird is that the next day they acted like nothing had happened. I am single, in part because this kind of stuff makes me crazy. How can you love somebody one minute and hate her guts the next? I don't understand it. I want to ask my brother, but I know that their marital issues are none of my business. Do you understand this? -- Single and Perplexed, Chicago

DEAR SINGLE AND PERPLEXED: Married people argue just like other friends argue. For those who have been married long enough, it is likely that they have weathered any number of storms where they did not agree and heated words may have been swapped. What happens afterwards is what truly counts after an argument. How people address the issues that brought on the flare up, how they talk to each other in the heat of the moment and how they mend fences are key. It is possible to argue without being mean or disrespectful, which is ideal. It is also difficult -- yet possible -- to apologize and make up when either or both parties have crossed the line. Further, you can love someone forever but not like the person from time to time.

As you look for a healthy bond, pay attention to how you disagree and come back to a loving place. If you cannot do that, you will not likely be successful in the long term.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I read about the lady whose "good friend" emailed her for help after a hip replacement. She let her "good friend" down and did nothing, not even phone. How can you advise this morally bankrupt individual to contact her friend, as you are sure she will be delighted to hear from her? She forgot another human being in a time of need and asks you to make it better. My experience in times of need is that even strangers, when asked to help, will do so. "Late to the Party" needs a reprimand, not a pat on the back. -- Incredulous, Racine, Wis.

DEAR INCREDULOUS: My intention was not to give this person a pass. I'm sorry it read that way to you. My thought remains that when this woman remembered that she had not followed through on being there for her friend was the moment when she needed to take action. If these two really do love each other, it is likely that the friend in need will appreciate the call.

This does not, however, excuse the woman's absence in her friend's time of need. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own dramas, however small they may be, they neglect the people they care about the most. I do not condone that behavior. Instead, I believe in paying attention to ourselves and those around us and recognizing that we are in this world together. Sometimes that awareness calls for one to take action to benefit another. For Late to the Party and anyone else who is so self-focused that your loved ones are forgotten, it is time to wake up.