DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife invited her 56-year-old sister to stay at our house for a couple of days, and we gave her total access to the house. I needed to check my emails, and I went to the reading room where the family computer is located. When I opened the door, I was shocked to see what was on the computer: My sister in-law was watching an adult movie. I wanted to yell at her, but my mouth shut because of the shock. After I got my composure, I told my sister-in-law that she cannot use our family computer without supervision. I do not have the time to supervise an adult while she surfs the Internet. I like my sister-in-law, and I want her to continue to feel comfortable in our home. How can I prevent anyone from visiting inappropriate adult content on my family's computer? By the way, I do not have children. My wife and I just do not appreciate porn and do not ever have it in our home. -- Computer Blue, Atlanta

DEAR COMPUTER BLUE: You can put parental controls on your computer to ensure that no one can access adult content or any other content that you deem inappropriate for your home. Go to ehow.com/how_6780583_put-parental-controls-laptop.html for instructions. If you regularly have houseguests, you may want to tell them to bring their own computer. Or, you can put a label on the home computer saying "Please limit your Internet usage to X, Y and Z."

These measures could be extreme, though. It could be that your sister-in-law is an anomaly. You may simply need to deal with her directly and make it clear to her that she crossed a line and you do not appreciate it. Chances are she is embarrassed by being caught watching pornography, so you do not need to beat her over the head with her transgression. For others who may come across a pornographic site either unintentionally or intentionally, use parental controls to block them out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 3-year-old son is starting preschool in a few weeks, and he is excited about going to school. He can use the bathroom on his own, but I am wondering if I should pack a few diapers in his book bag to prevent any potential accidents. -- Momma's Boy, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MOMMA'S BOY: Contact the preschool and ask what its policy is. It may suggest that you not send diapers and talk to your son about being a big boy and remembering to ask to go to the bathroom. (Commonly, preschools have backup diapers in case of emergency.) Or it may suggest that you pack diapers and give them to the teacher without your son seeing them, so that extras are on hand in case of an accident but that your child doesn't know that the crutch is there.

Most important is for you to make sure your son is comfortable as he takes this big step. Continue to practice using the bathroom with him. Point out that he will be doing this on his own in school and that he can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I witnessed a huge argument between my brother and his wife when we last visited. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. But what was weird is that the next day they acted like nothing had happened. I am single, in part because this kind of stuff makes me crazy. How can you love somebody one minute and hate her guts the next? I don't understand it. I want to ask my brother, but I know that their marital issues are none of my business. Do you understand this? -- Single and Perplexed, Chicago

DEAR SINGLE AND PERPLEXED: Married people argue just like other friends argue. For those who have been married long enough, it is likely that they have weathered any number of storms where they did not agree and heated words may have been swapped. What happens afterwards is what truly counts after an argument. How people address the issues that brought on the flare up, how they talk to each other in the heat of the moment and how they mend fences are key. It is possible to argue without being mean or disrespectful, which is ideal. It is also difficult -- yet possible -- to apologize and make up when either or both parties have crossed the line. Further, you can love someone forever but not like the person from time to time.

As you look for a healthy bond, pay attention to how you disagree and come back to a loving place. If you cannot do that, you will not likely be successful in the long term.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I read about the lady whose "good friend" emailed her for help after a hip replacement. She let her "good friend" down and did nothing, not even phone. How can you advise this morally bankrupt individual to contact her friend, as you are sure she will be delighted to hear from her? She forgot another human being in a time of need and asks you to make it better. My experience in times of need is that even strangers, when asked to help, will do so. "Late to the Party" needs a reprimand, not a pat on the back. -- Incredulous, Racine, Wis.

DEAR INCREDULOUS: My intention was not to give this person a pass. I'm sorry it read that way to you. My thought remains that when this woman remembered that she had not followed through on being there for her friend was the moment when she needed to take action. If these two really do love each other, it is likely that the friend in need will appreciate the call.

This does not, however, excuse the woman's absence in her friend's time of need. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own dramas, however small they may be, they neglect the people they care about the most. I do not condone that behavior. Instead, I believe in paying attention to ourselves and those around us and recognizing that we are in this world together. Sometimes that awareness calls for one to take action to benefit another. For Late to the Party and anyone else who is so self-focused that your loved ones are forgotten, it is time to wake up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 40-year-old man, and I live with my sister and her three kids. I have lived with them for a couple of years because I lost my job. Her eldest, who is 16, has had a tough time these past two years. She got thrown out of two high schools because she kept cutting class and fighting. We just got her into another school, and she seemed to be headed on the right track. Last week, though, we got horrible news. She is four months pregnant!

I know how wonderful babies are, but that is the last thing my niece needs. My sister works two jobs. I work part-time now. We are barely getting by, and she hid this all this time. My sister has gotten her into another school because the one they just secured is turning her away because of the pregnancy. But what's next? What can I do to support her and my sister? I feel overwhelmed. Part of me wants to move out and be independent, but I can't afford it. -- Stuck, St. Louis

DEAR STUCK: Obviously family is important. Talk to your sister about her situation. Check in to learn what she plans to do to support her daughter. Will she have the baby? Will she keep it? How will she care for it if she does? As a minor, your niece still has a lot of growing up to do, and now she also likely has to learn how to be a mother. If the plan is to keep the baby, suggest that your sister enroll her in classes on how to care for a baby. As tough as it may be, she should also stay in school. Whatever educational foundation she can get will help her in the future. There are a number of websites that provide support for pregnant teens, including getrealwithyourself.com. Your sister and her daughter need support to get through this.

Be honest with your sister. Let her know that you do not want to live with them indefinitely. Talk openly about a family transition plan. Keep in mind that you should make yourself available to support your sister just as she took you in when you needed shelter. Now is not the time to run. Work together to identify how you can help her deal with this family challenge as you make it clear that you do need to be on your own.

Contemplate what you want to do with your life. What work do you want to do that will help you take care of yourself? What do you need to do to live independently? How can you live on your own and help your family? It may feel like bad timing for you to plan your exit, but if you intend to have your own life and possibly your own family, you need to create space in order to make that happen.