DEAR HARRIETTE: I witnessed a huge argument between my brother and his wife when we last visited. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. But what was weird is that the next day they acted like nothing had happened. I am single, in part because this kind of stuff makes me crazy. How can you love somebody one minute and hate her guts the next? I don't understand it. I want to ask my brother, but I know that their marital issues are none of my business. Do you understand this? -- Single and Perplexed, Chicago

DEAR SINGLE AND PERPLEXED: Married people argue just like other friends argue. For those who have been married long enough, it is likely that they have weathered any number of storms where they did not agree and heated words may have been swapped. What happens afterwards is what truly counts after an argument. How people address the issues that brought on the flare up, how they talk to each other in the heat of the moment and how they mend fences are key. It is possible to argue without being mean or disrespectful, which is ideal. It is also difficult -- yet possible -- to apologize and make up when either or both parties have crossed the line. Further, you can love someone forever but not like the person from time to time.

As you look for a healthy bond, pay attention to how you disagree and come back to a loving place. If you cannot do that, you will not likely be successful in the long term.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I read about the lady whose "good friend" emailed her for help after a hip replacement. She let her "good friend" down and did nothing, not even phone. How can you advise this morally bankrupt individual to contact her friend, as you are sure she will be delighted to hear from her? She forgot another human being in a time of need and asks you to make it better. My experience in times of need is that even strangers, when asked to help, will do so. "Late to the Party" needs a reprimand, not a pat on the back. -- Incredulous, Racine, Wis.

DEAR INCREDULOUS: My intention was not to give this person a pass. I'm sorry it read that way to you. My thought remains that when this woman remembered that she had not followed through on being there for her friend was the moment when she needed to take action. If these two really do love each other, it is likely that the friend in need will appreciate the call.

This does not, however, excuse the woman's absence in her friend's time of need. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own dramas, however small they may be, they neglect the people they care about the most. I do not condone that behavior. Instead, I believe in paying attention to ourselves and those around us and recognizing that we are in this world together. Sometimes that awareness calls for one to take action to benefit another. For Late to the Party and anyone else who is so self-focused that your loved ones are forgotten, it is time to wake up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 40-year-old man, and I live with my sister and her three kids. I have lived with them for a couple of years because I lost my job. Her eldest, who is 16, has had a tough time these past two years. She got thrown out of two high schools because she kept cutting class and fighting. We just got her into another school, and she seemed to be headed on the right track. Last week, though, we got horrible news. She is four months pregnant!

I know how wonderful babies are, but that is the last thing my niece needs. My sister works two jobs. I work part-time now. We are barely getting by, and she hid this all this time. My sister has gotten her into another school because the one they just secured is turning her away because of the pregnancy. But what's next? What can I do to support her and my sister? I feel overwhelmed. Part of me wants to move out and be independent, but I can't afford it. -- Stuck, St. Louis

DEAR STUCK: Obviously family is important. Talk to your sister about her situation. Check in to learn what she plans to do to support her daughter. Will she have the baby? Will she keep it? How will she care for it if she does? As a minor, your niece still has a lot of growing up to do, and now she also likely has to learn how to be a mother. If the plan is to keep the baby, suggest that your sister enroll her in classes on how to care for a baby. As tough as it may be, she should also stay in school. Whatever educational foundation she can get will help her in the future. There are a number of websites that provide support for pregnant teens, including getrealwithyourself.com. Your sister and her daughter need support to get through this.

Be honest with your sister. Let her know that you do not want to live with them indefinitely. Talk openly about a family transition plan. Keep in mind that you should make yourself available to support your sister just as she took you in when you needed shelter. Now is not the time to run. Work together to identify how you can help her deal with this family challenge as you make it clear that you do need to be on your own.

Contemplate what you want to do with your life. What work do you want to do that will help you take care of yourself? What do you need to do to live independently? How can you live on your own and help your family? It may feel like bad timing for you to plan your exit, but if you intend to have your own life and possibly your own family, you need to create space in order to make that happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really like the man I am dating, and I feel like it is time for him to meet my parents. I ran the idea by them, and they agreed -- under one condition. My parents would like him to meet them at church. I told my boyfriend their request, and he was not pleased with the idea. He is not the churchgoing type, and when I told my parents that my boyfriend would not be attending our church service, they were upset. Now my parents are giving me grief because my boyfriend will not come to church to see them, and my boyfriend is upset with me. All I want is for them to revolve peacefully in my universe, and I need your help to try to find a happy medium. -- What a Girl Wants, West Orange, N.J.

DEAR WHAT A GIRL WANTS: I'm sure you know that religion can be a stumbling block for young love, especially when it comes to getting serious. Your parents want to see what your boyfriend is made of, and they are trying to control their meeting to that end. That would not be the strategy I would choose straight out the gate. There is time to meet him, get to know him a bit and talk about religion rather than force him into a religious environment.

Ask your parents and your boyfriend to reach a truce. Suggest to your parents that they meet him at their home for the first visit. Tell your boyfriend that you do want him to visit your parents' church at least once. Tell everyone that it is very important to you that they all meet. Ask for their calm hearts to help soften the way.

Know that if you two get serious, you will need to address how you will handle your religious differences.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a 34-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service, it gets a little old hearing it referred to as "snail mail." Please do not encourage your readers to use it if you can't even call it by its proper name. -- Disappointed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I really appreciate your note. It has become so easy to be unconsciously dismissive of the traditional delivery of mail through the United States Postal Service. Your words definitely serve as a wake-up call to be respectful of this treasured agency of our country that has for so many generations kept us in touch with each other.

Now that the Internet seems to be king, and other courier options promise to deliver more quickly, the value of the USPS has diminished -- hence the moniker "snail mail," which I was not meaning in a disparaging way. I fully understand that it implies less-than-competent service. So, my sincere apology. Thank you for calling me on it!