DEAR HARRIETTE: I really like the man I am dating, and I feel like it is time for him to meet my parents. I ran the idea by them, and they agreed -- under one condition. My parents would like him to meet them at church. I told my boyfriend their request, and he was not pleased with the idea. He is not the churchgoing type, and when I told my parents that my boyfriend would not be attending our church service, they were upset. Now my parents are giving me grief because my boyfriend will not come to church to see them, and my boyfriend is upset with me. All I want is for them to revolve peacefully in my universe, and I need your help to try to find a happy medium. -- What a Girl Wants, West Orange, N.J.

DEAR WHAT A GIRL WANTS: I'm sure you know that religion can be a stumbling block for young love, especially when it comes to getting serious. Your parents want to see what your boyfriend is made of, and they are trying to control their meeting to that end. That would not be the strategy I would choose straight out the gate. There is time to meet him, get to know him a bit and talk about religion rather than force him into a religious environment.

Ask your parents and your boyfriend to reach a truce. Suggest to your parents that they meet him at their home for the first visit. Tell your boyfriend that you do want him to visit your parents' church at least once. Tell everyone that it is very important to you that they all meet. Ask for their calm hearts to help soften the way.

Know that if you two get serious, you will need to address how you will handle your religious differences.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a 34-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service, it gets a little old hearing it referred to as "snail mail." Please do not encourage your readers to use it if you can't even call it by its proper name. -- Disappointed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I really appreciate your note. It has become so easy to be unconsciously dismissive of the traditional delivery of mail through the United States Postal Service. Your words definitely serve as a wake-up call to be respectful of this treasured agency of our country that has for so many generations kept us in touch with each other.

Now that the Internet seems to be king, and other courier options promise to deliver more quickly, the value of the USPS has diminished -- hence the moniker "snail mail," which I was not meaning in a disparaging way. I fully understand that it implies less-than-competent service. So, my sincere apology. Thank you for calling me on it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your response to "Good Friend" about whether to invite a newly sober friend to a party.

From the viewpoint of the sister of a recovered alcoholic, I respectfully disagree with the advice you gave. One of the most difficult aspects of "becoming sober" for my sister was the fear that people would treat her differently, brand her as an alcoholic, etc.

Based on our family experience, the best thing to do in this situation is to invite her friend. Unless "dry" parties are the norm in her circle, which I doubt they are, the friend will know that alcohol will be served and can decide, along with his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, whether he will be comfortable attending.

My sister was advised to avoid situations with lots of alcohol in early recovery and to do so as long as her sobriety was tenuous. AA does not encourage people to live like nuns, avoiding situations where alcohol is served, as long as they have a valid reason for being there. Alcohol is pervasive in our society, and recovering alcoholics learn how to handle triggers. My sister can now go anywhere alcohol is served, enjoy herself and stay sober.

The stigma of alcoholism remains strong, and the last thing people in recovery need is to feel that their friends and family are watching over them, constantly afraid they'll go off the wagon. They need the support and company of their friends, not to be treated as "different" from others. I learned this the hard way. -- Anonymous, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for your detailed letter explaining how to support people recovering from alcoholism. You bring up important points about how to simply be a friend.

I believe that the person in question was newly sober. In that case, I do not think it is wise to bring vulnerable loved ones into the space of a party with alcohol, which is similar to your point about how AA suggests to people in early recovery that they avoid situations "with lots of alcohol." I do not think that such an invitation would be kind. Otherwise, I fully agree with your assessment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Here's a radical idea for "Good Friend" ... if you and a few friends are honestly concerned about your recovering friend, why not have a party without alcohol? It's amazing -- there are hundreds of thousands of us nondrinkers who have discovered that it is possible to have a good time without alcohol. If you're really a good friend, how about a bit of sacrifice? -- Really Good Friend, Nampa, Idaho

DEAR REALLY GOOD FRIEND: I love your idea of an alcohol-free party. While it may not be the norm, it is a great way to include a newly sober friend without creating discomfort.

As Anonymous pointed out, since most parties do include alcohol, a host should not feel that every party he or she invites this person to attend must be alcohol-free. Instead, the host can be mindful to serve something for everyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband had a big work meeting the other day that was followed by a dinner. He called me late in the evening to say that he had had too much to drink and was going to stay at the office rather than risk driving home intoxicated. It was so late that it hardly registered with me. In the morning, he came home and he looked like he'd had a hard night. I gave him some tea and food, and he went to take a nap. On the one hand, I think he made a smart decision. It is dangerous to drive drunk. But part of me is really angry. How could he get into that situation in the first place? What did he do at work, and could it jeopardize his job? Where did he really stay? My mind is spinning out of control, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't want to start a fight, but I do want him to know how deeply this has affected me. How can I approach him? -- Careful Steps, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR CAREFUL STEPS: When your husband is alert and sober, ask him to sit down and talk with you. Tell him how grateful you are that he is safe and that he made a wise choice not to drive. Then ask him to tell you what happened. Listen to his story. If needed, ask him more questions so that you can understand the events of that evening. Do your best not to sound like the Grand Inquisitor. If you do, he will likely clam up.

Once he is finished, tell him that his behavior set off a series of disturbing questions for you that you would like to share with him. Ask him to address your concerns and talk openly about how to prevent such a situation from happening in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Next week is my ex's birthday. It popped into my head, I suppose, because we always used to make a big deal of it. We have been apart for several years now, and I hate to say it, but we didn't have a good breakup. We didn't speak for years. Recently, I ran into him, and we were both pleasant. I am married, and so is he; I don't want anything from him. Would it be appropriate for me to wish him a happy birthday since I remembered? Or is it best to leave it alone? -- Celebrating, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR CELEBRATING: Since you two do not have a relationship at all now, I suggest that you wish him well silently but resist the temptation to reach out to him. You two are not friends, and there is no need to rekindle any type of relationship. Your good wishes from afar are enough.

I will add that if you have other exes with whom you have an amicable relationship, it is perfectly fine to remember each other on special days. But in this case, that is not true.