DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband had a big work meeting the other day that was followed by a dinner. He called me late in the evening to say that he had had too much to drink and was going to stay at the office rather than risk driving home intoxicated. It was so late that it hardly registered with me. In the morning, he came home and he looked like he'd had a hard night. I gave him some tea and food, and he went to take a nap. On the one hand, I think he made a smart decision. It is dangerous to drive drunk. But part of me is really angry. How could he get into that situation in the first place? What did he do at work, and could it jeopardize his job? Where did he really stay? My mind is spinning out of control, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't want to start a fight, but I do want him to know how deeply this has affected me. How can I approach him? -- Careful Steps, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR CAREFUL STEPS: When your husband is alert and sober, ask him to sit down and talk with you. Tell him how grateful you are that he is safe and that he made a wise choice not to drive. Then ask him to tell you what happened. Listen to his story. If needed, ask him more questions so that you can understand the events of that evening. Do your best not to sound like the Grand Inquisitor. If you do, he will likely clam up.

Once he is finished, tell him that his behavior set off a series of disturbing questions for you that you would like to share with him. Ask him to address your concerns and talk openly about how to prevent such a situation from happening in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Next week is my ex's birthday. It popped into my head, I suppose, because we always used to make a big deal of it. We have been apart for several years now, and I hate to say it, but we didn't have a good breakup. We didn't speak for years. Recently, I ran into him, and we were both pleasant. I am married, and so is he; I don't want anything from him. Would it be appropriate for me to wish him a happy birthday since I remembered? Or is it best to leave it alone? -- Celebrating, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR CELEBRATING: Since you two do not have a relationship at all now, I suggest that you wish him well silently but resist the temptation to reach out to him. You two are not friends, and there is no need to rekindle any type of relationship. Your good wishes from afar are enough.

I will add that if you have other exes with whom you have an amicable relationship, it is perfectly fine to remember each other on special days. But in this case, that is not true.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a hard time keeping the lines of communications open with a friend who is going through a tough time in her life. In the past 18 months, her mother and oldest sister died. In addition, her middle sister has serious health issues. I call her on a regular basis just to see how she is doing, but my phone calls always end up going to voice mail, and this has been going on for the past six months.

To my surprise, recently she called and we talked for about four hours. She told me that she appreciated my voice mail messages and she apologized for not calling back in a timely manner. I would like to talk to my friend more often because I think she is a great person and I understand she is going through a tough time in her life. Is there anything I can do to keep the lines of communications open? -- Friend in Need, Chicago

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Stop thinking about the past. Your friend just reached out and rekindled your friendship. Call her again and invite her to go out or just talk. Don't push her, though. Her reaching out proves that she is taking baby steps to reconnect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend does not want to marry me, and I don't know how to respond to her saying no to my proposal. We have been living together for six years, and I really love her. She doesn't want to "ruin our happy home" by getting married. Do I break up this happy home, or do I leave to find a woman who is interested in getting married. -- Put a Ring on It, New York City

DEAR PUT A RING ON IT: Herein lies a challenge in what a prominent minister I know calls "navel gazing." When you become intimate and live together before getting married, you neutralize the need to marry, at least in many people's eyes. Back in the "day," couples felt they were violating either a spiritual or social law by living together. For the most part, that thinking is long gone.

Unfortunately, couples sometimes end up where you are. It is tough to create an ultimatum when you didn't from the start. Instead, what you can do is to give serious thought to why you want to be married. What about creating a marriage appeals to you? What kind of a life do you want to have with your girlfriend? If you can figure out how to describe the life you want to build with her and the value of the security that marriage can offer to that vision, you may be able to persuade her.

Should you leave? That depends on your goals. If your departure is singularly because she will not marry you even though she intends to stay committed to you, you have a dilemma. You already almost have all that you want. Ultimately, you must weigh your options and decide if your initial compromise is something you can live with (remaining unmarried but as a family). If you believe you will resent her or not want to have children with her while unmarried or not fully trust her, leave. It is important to partner with someone who shares your values.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a tough time finding a job in this economy. I used to work on Wall Street, and I made an incredible amount of money before the recession in 2008. I lived a life that many people could only dream of. Five years later, I am having a tough time finding work that would pay me a respectable wage. I feel like the walls are caving in around me, and I am wondering what I should do next? Should I go to trade school and pick up a trade, or should I go back to college and get a degree? I need your help. -- Low Equity, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR LOW EQUITY: The Great Recession of 2008 became the great equalizer in that thousands of people who were high wage earners went to zero dollars in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Life is largely different now for many people. Longing for the salaries of old has, for many, turned into acceptance that there is a new normal, and it is generally not as high paying as in the past.

That seems to be your story. Yes, you need to start thinking out of the box. Consider what skills you have that you may not have thought about in the past. What can you do? Sure, a trade could be an option. Do some research to determine what trades -- that you find interesting -- are garnering the most pay. Pursuing a degree is another viable option if you plan it out as a strategy for entering a field that you know is hiring. Industry experts suggest that jobs in the medical and hospital arenas are plentiful, especially in the area of digital records. Accounting is also stable. Look for other options too. Be willing to work for much less than you once earned. Pare down your life so that you can afford whatever your new income will be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to join an independent business venture with a group of people I know through my industry. The conversations have been interesting, but I am not sure if the project makes sense for me. I have a business, job and very little time to devote to something new. I have a young child and do my best to spend time with her and my husband whenever I can. The idea sounds interesting, though, and I don't want to upset the people who invited me to participate. How can I bow out gracefully? -- Too Much, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TOO MUCH: Be honest. Express your sincere interest in the idea that they are discussing. Thank them for considering you to be a part of their team. And then let them know that you do not have the bandwidth now to move forward.

Tell them the truth, that you are committed to your family and, out of respect for their process, you are sure that you do not have the requisite time to give to see it to success. Ask them to think about you in the future and wish them well.