DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a hard time keeping the lines of communications open with a friend who is going through a tough time in her life. In the past 18 months, her mother and oldest sister died. In addition, her middle sister has serious health issues. I call her on a regular basis just to see how she is doing, but my phone calls always end up going to voice mail, and this has been going on for the past six months.

To my surprise, recently she called and we talked for about four hours. She told me that she appreciated my voice mail messages and she apologized for not calling back in a timely manner. I would like to talk to my friend more often because I think she is a great person and I understand she is going through a tough time in her life. Is there anything I can do to keep the lines of communications open? -- Friend in Need, Chicago

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Stop thinking about the past. Your friend just reached out and rekindled your friendship. Call her again and invite her to go out or just talk. Don't push her, though. Her reaching out proves that she is taking baby steps to reconnect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend does not want to marry me, and I don't know how to respond to her saying no to my proposal. We have been living together for six years, and I really love her. She doesn't want to "ruin our happy home" by getting married. Do I break up this happy home, or do I leave to find a woman who is interested in getting married. -- Put a Ring on It, New York City

DEAR PUT A RING ON IT: Herein lies a challenge in what a prominent minister I know calls "navel gazing." When you become intimate and live together before getting married, you neutralize the need to marry, at least in many people's eyes. Back in the "day," couples felt they were violating either a spiritual or social law by living together. For the most part, that thinking is long gone.

Unfortunately, couples sometimes end up where you are. It is tough to create an ultimatum when you didn't from the start. Instead, what you can do is to give serious thought to why you want to be married. What about creating a marriage appeals to you? What kind of a life do you want to have with your girlfriend? If you can figure out how to describe the life you want to build with her and the value of the security that marriage can offer to that vision, you may be able to persuade her.

Should you leave? That depends on your goals. If your departure is singularly because she will not marry you even though she intends to stay committed to you, you have a dilemma. You already almost have all that you want. Ultimately, you must weigh your options and decide if your initial compromise is something you can live with (remaining unmarried but as a family). If you believe you will resent her or not want to have children with her while unmarried or not fully trust her, leave. It is important to partner with someone who shares your values.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a tough time finding a job in this economy. I used to work on Wall Street, and I made an incredible amount of money before the recession in 2008. I lived a life that many people could only dream of. Five years later, I am having a tough time finding work that would pay me a respectable wage. I feel like the walls are caving in around me, and I am wondering what I should do next? Should I go to trade school and pick up a trade, or should I go back to college and get a degree? I need your help. -- Low Equity, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR LOW EQUITY: The Great Recession of 2008 became the great equalizer in that thousands of people who were high wage earners went to zero dollars in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Life is largely different now for many people. Longing for the salaries of old has, for many, turned into acceptance that there is a new normal, and it is generally not as high paying as in the past.

That seems to be your story. Yes, you need to start thinking out of the box. Consider what skills you have that you may not have thought about in the past. What can you do? Sure, a trade could be an option. Do some research to determine what trades -- that you find interesting -- are garnering the most pay. Pursuing a degree is another viable option if you plan it out as a strategy for entering a field that you know is hiring. Industry experts suggest that jobs in the medical and hospital arenas are plentiful, especially in the area of digital records. Accounting is also stable. Look for other options too. Be willing to work for much less than you once earned. Pare down your life so that you can afford whatever your new income will be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to join an independent business venture with a group of people I know through my industry. The conversations have been interesting, but I am not sure if the project makes sense for me. I have a business, job and very little time to devote to something new. I have a young child and do my best to spend time with her and my husband whenever I can. The idea sounds interesting, though, and I don't want to upset the people who invited me to participate. How can I bow out gracefully? -- Too Much, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TOO MUCH: Be honest. Express your sincere interest in the idea that they are discussing. Thank them for considering you to be a part of their team. And then let them know that you do not have the bandwidth now to move forward.

Tell them the truth, that you are committed to your family and, out of respect for their process, you are sure that you do not have the requisite time to give to see it to success. Ask them to think about you in the future and wish them well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 3-year-old son will start preschool in two weeks, and I am worried that I may not be able to take him on the first day. The company I work for is particular about people being late or missing time from work. I run the risk of being reprimanded if I decide to take my son to his first day of school, but I will be sad if I do not take him. What is a single mom to do? -- First Day of School Blues, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL BLUES: Wow, I hope I am not responding to you too late. But here goes: Be pre-emptive. Speak to your boss immediately and ask for permission to come to work late on that day. While it makes perfect sense that your company expects you to come to work on time, it is also possible that they will understand if you ask in advance.

Because you are a parent, you need to establish a relationship with your company that will make it possible for you to leave in case of emergency. Trust that when you have children, there are almost always times when you will need to leave early or not come to work in order to care for your child -- unless you have someone who can cover for you. If you are able to establish a respectful rapport with your boss now, where it is obvious that you do a great job when you are there and make up for it when you are not, you stand a greater chance of receiving that much-needed flexibility.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a terrible mistake of quitting my job in the fashion industry and moving out of New York City to live with my girlfriend in Boston. Now I am miserable. My life has not been the same since I moved to Boston. I have squandered all my money trying to please my girlfriend only to find out that she was cheating on me. I plan to go back to New York and try to find a job and a place to live, but I have a small problem. I have no friends who I can ask to stay with while I try to back on my feet. I am embarrassed about my current situation. If I can get back to New York, I know I can get back on my feet, but I do not know what first step should be. Please help. -- Fool in Love, Boston

DEAR FOOL IN LOVE: Starting over can be excruciating, especially when you feel duped. You need to slow down and survey your landscape. What can you do in order to stabilize your income and make a strategic plan for moving? You should not move back to New York with no resources and nowhere to lay your head. Instead, work where you are. Move -- if you haven't already -- into a small, affordable space. Save every penny you can. Stay away from your ex. Surround yourself with positive people. Put out feelers for work where you are, in New York and elsewhere in your area of expertise.