life

Three's a Crowd in Shared Bathroom

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 9th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a brownstone that has been split into small apartments. I live in one room, and the landlord's daughter lives on the other end of the hall. We share a bathroom. When I signed my lease, it was with the agreement that only the two of us would share the bathroom. The daughter's boyfriend, however, basically lives in her room. He's slept there every night for the past two months. I do not appreciate having to share the bathroom every night and morning with two people. That was not our agreement. How can I address this without creating a stink? My room is tiny, and I pay premium rent. -- Crowded Out, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR CROWDED OUT: Reach out to your landlord and express your concern. If you made an agreement that was specific to how many people live on your floor and use the shared bathroom, you certainly have the right to point out that this third party has essentially moved in. Expect a little pushback, though, since it is the landlord's daughter's boyfriend who is the person in contention. Press either for him not to be a permanent fixture or for your rent to be reduced.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to "Overheated," the worker who wants to wear shorts to work, I have worked in a human resources department, and the problem with letting people wear shorts to work hinges on how short the shorts are. The problem with telling employees that they can wear Bermuda shorts (to the knee) is that after a while, the shorts usually get shorter than that.

When I first started working, most women wore skirts and blouses, and in the summer it was much better than long, hot slacks. They can be dressed up with a sweater set or blouse and a short jacket. It looks professional, and it can feel cool for those who wear them. -- Old School, Chicago

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: Yes, my dear, you are right. If you simply stay away from shorts in the workplace, you will be much better off. In this time of the casual workplace, I fear that many women may consider a skirt and blouse dressy rather than comfortably casual. This is not true for everyone.

Your look back at appropriate work attire is refreshing in both practical and professional ways. Being aware of the message that you are sending to others based on the way you present yourself is important. It matters what you wear to work. My position is that you should always dress for success, whatever that means for you and your place of business. This includes on casual Fridays, hot days, inclement weather days, etc.

An easy way to be appropriate on a daily basis is to review what you have to do for the day and select a wardrobe that will make you feel comfortable throughout the day. I also recommend keeping a jacket in your workspace, if you can. A jacket can dress up most outfits in case you have to interface with a supervisor or a client.

life

Former Roommates Don't Have to Be Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 7th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a woman the other day who was my roommate when I first moved to town. It has been years since we last saw each other. At first she didn't recognize me, but when I reminded her, we had a big hug. I'm wondering if I should do anything more after this. We exchanged cards, but mostly as a pleasantry. We were not friends. We somehow were roommates along with a few other people when we were in our 20s. Do I follow up with her since we shared our numbers? If so, what should I say? I am not trying to kindle a friendship with her; I just want to be appropriate. -- Protocol, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR PROTOCOL: To acknowledge your reconnection, it would be thoughtful to send a quick email saying how nice it was to run into her after so many years. Add a compliment about her or your exchange, and wish her well. You do not need to suggest that the two of you get together in the future or anything else that is an empty overture. Just honor the moment by commenting on it. If she responds and actually wants to get together, you can do so if and when you have time. There should be no expectation of building a relationship on either side.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Summer is over, and I had a good time. But I feel kind of bad that I did not get to connect with some of my close friends. Time seemed to slip by, and just the other day I called a friend who I have not seen in a long time and we had a great talk. It got me to thinking: Time is so fleeting, and I didn't make time for her this summer. It's too late to do anything about the summer, but how can I make my friends more of a priority? I don't want to be the girl who works all the time and rarely catches up with the people she loves. -- Disconnected, Atlanta

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Getting organized and prioritized can help you to manage your relationships better. For years I have kept a daily to-do list that includes work responsibilities as well as home, family, friends, etc. I used to write down "drink water" every day because I was not making that a priority. Similarly, many people do not make connecting with loved ones a requirement.

Review your friend and family base. Remember the people you speak to often and those who you have been meaning to contact. Write down all of the names that come to mind. Now look at your calendar for the next three months. Pencil in different names on days when you believe you have time to talk for a few minutes. You can choose one evening a week after work or a weekend morning. Be sure to set aside enough time for a conversation if you actually reach the person. You can also send emails or handwritten notes to loved ones, telling them that you are thinking of them. These overtures count!

life

It's Not Too Late for Friend to Reach Out

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 6th, 2013

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend had a hip replaced this summer. She sent an email asking for her friends to buy groceries and otherwise help out while she recuperated. She included me on the outreach list, and I responded right away. But I did not follow up to ensure that I had duties to fulfill. Now, several weeks have passed, and I have done nothing. I got busy with my family and work, and I honestly forgot. I am so embarrassed. I want to reach out and see if she needs anything now, but I feel like such a loser for not calling earlier. What should I do? -- Late to the Party, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR LATE TO THE PARTY: It is never too late to express your love to one in need. By all means call your friend and check in to see how she is doing. Ask her about her recuperation. Be a good listener. Chances are she will be happy to hear from you and will be more than willing to give you an update.

Ask her if she needs anything now, if there is anything that you can do to support her during this leg of her healing process. Promise to call her again soon, and then remember to do so.

Resist the temptation to make the conversation about yourself by going through a litany of reasons why you have not called previously. Keep the focus on her and the moment. What can you do now to be of help?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was told that I am prediabetic. My doctor wants me to go to a nutritionist and try to get a handle on my health. I am so upset. Diabetes runs in my family, and I have worked hard not to get it -- until a couple of years ago, that is. I was depressed about a lot of things, and I stopped exercising and started eating and drinking the wrong things. Now I am paying the price. I don't want to tell my family. I can already hear "I told you so." Honestly, I don't want to do anything. I just want it to go away. That's stupid, I know. But I feel stuck. How can I snap out of it? -- On the Verge, Salt Lake City, Iowa

DEAR ON THE VERGE: Take one step at a time. If your doctor gave you a number for a nutritionist, call and schedule an appointment. A professional can be enormously helpful in getting you on the right track toward a healthier life. Pay close attention to the recommendations you are given, and follow them to the best of your ability.

You need to decide that you deserve to be healthy. This includes acknowledging that it is possible NOT to walk in your family's footsteps if you take the proper measures now. It is likely that you will be given an eating and exercise regimen to follow. Give yourself the gift of doing these things, one day at a time. Each day that you choose your health, you are choosing life. Get psychological support if you can to help lift any lingering negative thoughts. You can do it!

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • My Know-it-All Buddy is Ruining Our Friendship
  • My Fear of Feeling Irrelevant is Real, and Gosh, It Is Painful
  • My Old College Roommate’s Back, Negative Energy and All. Help!
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 29, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 28, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 27, 2023
  • Prankster's Humor Doesn't Impress New Girlfriend
  • Woman Fails to Act Her Age According to Son and DIL
  • Brothers’ Rivalry Continues Into Adulthood
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal