DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend had a hip replaced this summer. She sent an email asking for her friends to buy groceries and otherwise help out while she recuperated. She included me on the outreach list, and I responded right away. But I did not follow up to ensure that I had duties to fulfill. Now, several weeks have passed, and I have done nothing. I got busy with my family and work, and I honestly forgot. I am so embarrassed. I want to reach out and see if she needs anything now, but I feel like such a loser for not calling earlier. What should I do? -- Late to the Party, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR LATE TO THE PARTY: It is never too late to express your love to one in need. By all means call your friend and check in to see how she is doing. Ask her about her recuperation. Be a good listener. Chances are she will be happy to hear from you and will be more than willing to give you an update.

Ask her if she needs anything now, if there is anything that you can do to support her during this leg of her healing process. Promise to call her again soon, and then remember to do so.

Resist the temptation to make the conversation about yourself by going through a litany of reasons why you have not called previously. Keep the focus on her and the moment. What can you do now to be of help?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was told that I am prediabetic. My doctor wants me to go to a nutritionist and try to get a handle on my health. I am so upset. Diabetes runs in my family, and I have worked hard not to get it -- until a couple of years ago, that is. I was depressed about a lot of things, and I stopped exercising and started eating and drinking the wrong things. Now I am paying the price. I don't want to tell my family. I can already hear "I told you so." Honestly, I don't want to do anything. I just want it to go away. That's stupid, I know. But I feel stuck. How can I snap out of it? -- On the Verge, Salt Lake City, Iowa

DEAR ON THE VERGE: Take one step at a time. If your doctor gave you a number for a nutritionist, call and schedule an appointment. A professional can be enormously helpful in getting you on the right track toward a healthier life. Pay close attention to the recommendations you are given, and follow them to the best of your ability.

You need to decide that you deserve to be healthy. This includes acknowledging that it is possible NOT to walk in your family's footsteps if you take the proper measures now. It is likely that you will be given an eating and exercise regimen to follow. Give yourself the gift of doing these things, one day at a time. Each day that you choose your health, you are choosing life. Get psychological support if you can to help lift any lingering negative thoughts. You can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: On a few occasions, I have asked my neighbor if she could baby-sit my child while I go to work. My neighbor said yes, and that made me happy. I brought my child over to her house, which smelled like cigarette smoke. My neighbor assured me that she goes outside to smoke and it would be no problem to bring my son to the house. I went to pick up my son after work, and he smelled like smoke. I was very upset; she told me I would not have to worry about her smoking. My neighbor really helps me when I am in need, and I do not want to cause any strife between us. How do address the situation without severing our relationship? -- Upset Mom, Chicago

DEAR UPSET MOM: This moment calls for trusting your instincts. When you dropped your son off, you knew the house smelled of smoke. Yes, you were in a bind because you had to go to work, but that doesn't change that you were aware of the smoke in her home. Indeed, she could have smoked outside on that day, but if the house is generally a place where she smokes, the smell probably lingers. That means that anyone hanging out in the house, sitting on furniture, even just being there will pick up that smell.

Bottom line: If you do not want your son in the company of secondhand smoke, do not leave him in her care. Figure out an alternate support system for when you are in a bind. And be sure to thank her for having your back this time as she has in the past. Leave her smoking out of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I cannot believe that the summer is almost over and I have to go back-to-school shopping for my three children. In a perfect world, I would love to have enough money to purchase the clothing my children really want; however, that is not the case for me. Where can I find clothes that are fashionable that I can afford without embarrassing my children in the process? -- Shopping Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SHOPPING MOM: Start by taking inventory of what your children have and what can be used again either by the original owner of the clothing or by a sibling. Hand-me-downs are important wardrobe stretchers, especially for families with multiple children -- when it can work.

Determine exactly what your children need -- underwear, a sweater, shoes, trousers, etc. Be mindful of the difference between wants and needs, and discuss this with them.

Now, start looking online. Figure out which stores are having back-to-school sales and what the percentages are for discounts. Department stores often host deep discounts at this time of year. Consider resale shops, including Goodwill and Salvation Army. They often have great finds at low prices.

When you shop, buy only what is a necessity. Remember: You do not have to make all your purchases right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend in town who is performing at a pub in Greenwich Village. I am excited to support her and had planned on inviting friends to go along with me. Then I saw how much the tickets cost -- more than $100. I went ahead and bought a ticket, but I didn't feel comfortable asking my friends to pay to go to this event. They don't know her, and I could not afford to pay for them. Now, though, I feel a little awkward going by myself. Do you think I should invite my friends and let them decide if they want to pay the hefty price? -- Conflicted, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should give your friends the chance to decide for themselves if they want to go to the concert. If you can find a link to your friend performing to show her in action, by all means share that. Talk her up. Tell them what you like about her and why you have chosen to support her. Let them know that you are going, how much the tickets cost and that you would love it if one or more of them chose to come along.

If you do end up going by yourself, don't fret. You will not be alone. It is likely that the space will be filled with people like you who really want to see the show. Don't think of your experience as being uncomfortable. You know you are in for a treat. Enjoy! You may even make some new friends. And your singer friend will be thrilled that you came out to support her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Doing Way Too Much" has a friend who always makes a scene. Talking rarely works with such people because they don't think they're doing anything wrong. Videotape the tantrum and show them how they're acting. That's MUCH better than talking. -- Wise Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WISE UP: In this day and age when just about every cellphone can make a video, you are surely onto something! Videotaping a scene as it unfolds and then playing it back to the person who created it puts the moment in that person's face. It is likely much more difficult to skirt the issue if you can see for yourself how you behaved.

Of course, some people are so entrenched in their denial that they may be able to explain away bad behavior. But having physical evidence of rudeness or any type of embarrassing behavior on your friend's part can be an effective wake-up call.

Doing this can also create the opportunity to start an honest conversation about your concerns. In this situation, the friends were ready to write off the one with bad behavior. The revealing video might help correct the behavior and eliminate the need to shut out the person.